While putting Krishna first when devotees neglect others how can good devotee-relationships develop?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
the devotee community, sometimes we are not able to do that.
And relationships are not so smooth. Because of that, there are, I would say, three different things. See, putting Krishna first doesn’t mean neglecting others.
It simply means seeing others in connection with Krishna. So, there are times when there may be an urgent need, there may be an emergency. So, in a practical sense, we may have to do certain things first, although Krishna is first in our life’s goal.
Just like if you are traveling somewhere, and we want to get to that destination, but if there is a traffic over there, we will go slowly. If the traffic is, the road is clear, we will go faster. So, like that, we are going towards Krishna.
But sometimes, you know, somebody else, some of our relatives, some of our acquaintances, they may be going through some difficulty, some emergency. And at that time, our material life, our practical needs, they may take a lot of time and energy. And when it is a genuine need, an emergency, we need to help.
Just like in the name of putting Krishna first, if you start neglecting others, the point is not that we neglect others, when we say put Krishna first, it means that Krishna is the most important person in our life. And even when we are helping others, we see that in the light of our relationship with Krishna. Sometimes in the name of putting Krishna first, we neglect everyone else.
And actually, we are not putting Krishna first. We are only putting our own conception of Krishna first. See, Krishna, we are Krishna’s part and others are also Krishna’s parts.
So, we serve Krishna not just by how nicely I am chanting, how nicely I am studying scripture. We serve Krishna also by how we are interacting with other people. That is the difference between a Kanishka Adhikari and a Madhyama Adhikari.
Kanishka Adhikari sees Krishna only in the detail. And thinks, as long as I am worshipping the deity nicely, I am a good devotee. But a Madhyama Adhikari understands that my relationship with Krishna depends not only on how I am worshipping the Lord, but also how I am dealing with devotees.
I should be friendly with them. How I am helping the innocent people. How I am keeping a safe distance from those who are envious.
So, basically, putting Krishna first does not mean neglecting other people. It means infusing our other relationships with an appropriate service attitude. So, if you have a misunderstanding of what putting Krishna first means, then we may neglect other people and that hurts them.
And that creates coldness in relationships. Another problem that may come is that when we put Krishna first, we sometimes, our spirituality should make us more understanding of others. But our spirituality sometimes makes us more judgmental of others.
That means, you know, just as I am struggling with my mind and senses, similarly, you are struggling with your mind and senses. He is struggling with his mind and senses. She is struggling with her mind and senses.
Everybody is struggling in this world. Now, the difference is that I may find some things very easy. And those very things may be very difficult for someone else.
So, what happens, which I can do very well, you know, I make that, I hold that as my standard and use that to pat myself on the back. You are a good devotee. And then I use that as a standard by which I beat others.
You are good for nothing. So, if I have a body that by which I can do fasting very easily, then I fast nirjal or ekadashi. I feel very good.
See, I am such a serious devotee. I fast nirjal. And then somebody else may have a body by which they just can’t fast.
And then if I am fasting on ekadashi, and then I go to the kitchen and see who is eating what. I am so attached. Sense gratifier.
Hopeless. Then my body may be fasting, but my ego is feasting. So, we will not make any spiritual advancement by that.
So, what I am saying here is that, now it’s good if I can fast, I should fast. But I don’t have to judge others by my standards. By my standards means? Somebody may say, it’s not my standard, it’s scriptural standard.
Yes, but scripture tells us so many things. Scripture doesn’t tell us just fast. Scripture also tells us to be sensitive.
Scripture tells us to be kind to others, don’t offend others, don’t disrespect others, don’t hurt others. But we are not taking that. So, what happens? Something from scripture which we can do well, we do it well and we make that as our standard.
And then we judge everyone by that standard. And because of that, we become judgmental towards others. So, we have to understand that different people have a different set of mind and senses.
Because of that, what may be very easy for me, may be very difficult for them. As long as they are trying to serve Krishna, I should be judgmental. Why are you not doing this? This is so simple.
But it may not be so simple for them. So, we need to be more understanding. Rather than looking at the specific, that I can do this so easily, why can’t you do it? We have to become more understanding.
Just as I can, instead of looking at this thing which I can do so well and they can’t do, I can look at something which I can’t do. And think, although I want to do it, although I know this is the right thing to do, but for me it’s so difficult. So, just as my mind and senses make this thing so difficult for me to do, similarly their mind and senses makes it difficult for them to do that thing.
So, rather than seeing I am following standards and they are not following standards, we can see that we cultivate an adversarial position. But we understand that we are all fighting the same war. Within that war, each of us may be fighting against specific soldiers, specific enemy soldiers.
They are fighting with their mind and senses, I am fighting with my mind and senses. But we understand we are all fighting the same common war. Then we become more understanding of each other’s needs, more understanding of each other’s struggles.
Some people, if we are told to do something, we just remember and do it. Some people, they just forget. How can you forget? That’s just the way they are made.
I am not justifying that they should forget. They should try their best to remember. But it will just not work for them.
So, we have to understand that we shouldn’t judge others by our standards. So, if we do that, sometimes the spiritual standards, like I told earlier about incorporating certain things from a particular worldview to another worldview, sometimes spiritual standards become incorporated as weapons in our ego battles with others. That means, you know, I want to prove that I am better than you.
And then in that, see, I follow the standard so well, you are so attached. So, what has happened is actually our relationships can be ruined if we take standards as means for one-upsmanship in our relationship with others. Because I follow the standard, so I am better than you.
If we start misusing standards for these purposes, then we can ruin relationships. Because people feel alienated, people feel scorned, people feel violated. So, they are trying their best in their situation.
So, our spirituality will make us more understanding, not more judgment. And we all have our own set of standards by which we judge others. That’s why sometimes there can be greater friction in a devotee community than a non-devotee community.
Because we become more judgmental. It doesn’t have to be like that. And third thing I would say is that even when we are putting Krishna first, even if we are like-minded, still we are not alike.
All of us are individuals. And when we are individual, now we are not just individuals at the level of the body and the mind. As soul also we are individual.
So, we are irreducibly individuals. So, that means that sometimes even about serving Krishna, even when we have put Krishna first, even when we are trying to serve Krishna, still we may not be able to agree on how specifically to serve Krishna. So, at such times, rather than focusing on the practice of serving Krishna, we should focus on the principle of serving Krishna.
The practice of serving Krishna means, you know, I want that this project should be done like this. And another person will know, I feel it should be done like this. But these are practical details.
And sometimes we get so conflicted over those practical details that we forget the principle. You know, ultimately, there are so many people who are doing so many things in this world. This person among the few handful of people in the world is actually trying to serve Krishna.
So, we focus not on the practice of serving Krishna. As far as the practice is concerned, there will be differences. And sometimes it may be my way, sometimes it may be someone else’s way.
Sometimes we come alive at an intermediate solution, whatever it is, the practical details. But if we focus on the principle, they are also serving Krishna, I am also serving Krishna. And then we can see the commonality.
Sometimes we get so caught in the practicalities and then we do not see the commonality at all. They are thinking like this, I am thinking like this. They are wrong, I am right.
So, if you focus, they are still trying to serve Krishna. Then we would not let disagreement degenerate into disrespect. Disagreement can be there, but we can respectfully disagree.
But when we, what happens is, the point of disagreement is what we center on. And we forget the big picture. In Christian theology, before the scientific age of science started, there were scholastics, there were scholars who debate, they wrote thousands of pages debating how many angels can dance on the tip of a needle.
Somebody said 10 angels, somebody said 15, somebody said 100 angels, somebody said only one angel, somebody said 1000 angels. And they were debating actually. I mean huge, literally, you could say intellectual world wars.
You know, what difference does it make? So, like that sometimes we get so too, we get so caught in the trivialities. They may not seem trivial for us and they may not be trivial also, there may be important details. But still, the big picture, the point is that we are all trying to serve Krishna.
So, we focus on the principle in serving Krishna and appreciate. If we cannot work with them or they cannot work with us, we can keep a distance. We may even go our separate ways.
Sometimes people just need their own room to serve Krishna. So, we should not spoil our relationship because of practical differences. And in the Bhagavad Gita, there is an example, Krishna says that Krishna is 18th chapter discussing, some people say that Yajna Tapa should be given up.
Some people say that Yajna Tapa should not be given up. And Krishna quotes both these scholars and then he says, my opinion is that Yajna Tapa should not be given up. But even when talking about the Purva Paksha, those who say Yajna Tapa should be given up, Krishna calls them as Manishina.
Means even those whose opinion Krishna rejects, Krishna says they are also Manishina. Manishina means they are thoughtful people. Those people who have control over their mind by which they can think of long term reality.
So, Krishna rejects their opinion but still respectfully refers to them as Manishina. Why? Because they are also thinking of ultimate liberation. And they are thinking, at least they are contemplating ultimate liberation and they are thinking that renunciation is the best way to liberation.
Krishna is saying no, engagement is the best. But Krishna respects their intent. So, like that, my three things.
First is that we don’t make, in the name of putting Krishna first, we don’t neglect others. We understand that we serve Krishna often through others. Our relationship with Krishna also depends on how we relate with others.
Secondly, by not letting our standards make us more judgmental of others. It makes us more understanding by recognizing that just my mind and senses make something difficult for me. Like that, the mind and senses of others make other specific things difficult for me.
And thirdly, by not letting differences or practicalities in service make us so much apart that we don’t see the commonality that we are all trying to serve Krishna. So, practically, we may have to work out some way. Except that it may not always be our way.
That is the way. But we shouldn’t let that blind us to the commonality. Disagreement doesn’t have to degenerate to disrespect.
So, if we keep this in mind, then we will be able to actually move forward harmoniously in our services to Krishna while existing as a community. Does that answer your question? Thank you so much. Thank you, Hare Krishna.
Any other questions?