While struggling with conditionings how can we avoid the extremes of becoming hopeless and becoming shameless?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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If you have a habit that is difficult to control, how to avoid feeling guilty? How to avoid getting into self-pity at the same time? How to not become shameless? What I broadly say is that for this, that we want to work on our conditionings but we also have to work with our conditions. That means that whatever conditioning we have, we need to be taking steps to overcome it. Whatever we can.
What that will be, that will vary from conditioning to conditioning. But we cannot stop the rest of our life because we have that conditioning. So at one level, we have to work on our conditioning and at another level we work with our conditioning.
I feel that there are two different frames for looking at conditionings. One is the moral or the ethical and the other is the practical. By practical what I mean is that in today’s psychology also, if people are addicts, so there is a whole discussion is addiction a weakness of the free will or is it a disease on which people have no control on themselves.
So I’d say both approaches have their merit. So at a practical level if I see, say if we get a fracture, if we fracture our hand, then we will have to work on the fracture. That means we do the necessary therapy, do the exercise, take the rest, take the medication, so that that fracture is being cured.
But at another level, we have to work with our fracture. We work with the fracture. We can’t stop our life.
So if I have a fracture, I’ll use some crutches or something, I’ll put in a cast and I’ll go on with my life as much as I can. So similarly with the conditioning, if we treat it like a disease at one level, then here we don’t bring in any ethical aspect to it. This is the practical approach to it.
Practically this is the conditioning I have and it’s not going to go away overnight. I’ve been trying for it, I want it to go away, but it is there with me right now. So then what I do is, I do whatever I can to work on the conditioning.
That may vary from, as I said, maybe read some Jastra, chant some extra rounds, take some counseling, do some kind of intensified devotional services, atonement, whatever. That’s working on the conditioning. But we have to work with the conditioning.
This is what I am right now and this is how I can serve Krishna. And I would say different conditionings also have different degrees. There are some conditionings which hurt only us.
There are some conditionings which hurt others. Say, if somebody spends a lot of money, just spend a lot of money, they don’t save anything. Now, that’s also, some people are what is that? Shopaholics.
Just keep shopping. So that’s harmful. But unless that person is, say, gambling away their inheritance or stealing money from someone else, if they are earning money, they are spending it, they are hurting only themselves.
So, there are some things. I put it in four categories. There is social morality and spiritual morality.
Something socially moral, spiritually moral. Something is socially immoral but spiritually moral. Something is socially immoral, spiritually moral.
And something is socially and spiritually immoral. So, if somebody has anger issues. Now, if they are becoming angry, they become physically violent towards somebody.
They take a knife and hit somebody, or hurt somebody or take a gun and kill someone. That is in the fourth category. So, in general, for us, I feel, most of our conditionings will be in a category where it’s spiritually immoral but socially it is not immoral.
In the sense that there are not much social consequences of it. So, if that is the case, then we don’t act in front of everyone as if we are pure devotees. Of course, we don’t have to tell everyone I have the conditioning also.
We have to continue our service. But we don’t take a holier-than-thou attitude with anyone. So, we work on our conditioning as diligently as we can.
But while we are working on the conditioning, we go on working with our conditioning. Serving in the best way we can while it’s going on. So, this is from the whole practical aspect of it.
From the ethical aspect, if you want to see, I started that framework that there are some things which are ethically wrong. So, then we have to see what is the consequence of it. Like some conditionings are there, they are not going away but they are not worsening also.
So, in that case, we just understand this is going to take some time to get rid of and we continue our bhakti and pray for Krishna’s mercy. Many times, the conditioning is because something important is being missed out internally. See, every addiction, you could say, every habit, every indulgence, it is an unhealthy expression of a healthy need.
It is unhealthy expression of a healthy need. Some people drink because they are social drinkers. Social drinkers.
So, if there is a whole society where everybody is drinking, they drink. They want a sense of belonging. If tomorrow you place them in a society where nobody drinks, they will give up drinking.
So, for them, the healthy need is that they want a sense of belonging. If they simply, next time, I am not going to drink, I am not going to drink, I am not going to drink. But if they are in the same social circle and somebody says drink, they will not be able to resist the pressure.
So, it is not just a matter of will power. It is what need is being served. Some people, for some people, drinking might be a way of seeking relief from life’s problems.
Seeking relief. Life’s problems. This problem, that problem.
I just drink and forget everything. Now, if that is the need that is being served by drinking, they may change their association. They may even start chanting Hare Krishna.
But that, that need is still there. Unless they can find a healthier way to address that need. So, it might be that maybe they get absorbed in Kirtan and then they get that relief.
Maybe they themselves are, so they have to find some way in which that need can be addressed. So, some people, they get into some indulgence simply because they are bored. I am bored and I need some stimulation.
So then, we have to find out how I can get stimulation in a healthy way. So, unless we address that need, acting at the level of will power alone will not be enough. So, if we find out what is the need that is being served by this.
We have to do some introspection for this and we may have to sometimes consult somebody else also. We have to be careful about whom we speak it to. But if we speak it to someone who is trustworthy, then they might be able to see it from a more objective perspective.
So, one way to understand what need is being served by a particular conditioning is to look at our disposition or our psychological condition before we succumb to the conditioning. And then we can analyze, what was I actually looking for? So, that way, overall, if we don’t work on the conditioning at all, then that is the area where we are becoming shameless. But because the conditioning is not going away, sometimes working on the conditioning seems to be like pushing a mountain.
Nothing seems to be happening. So, then, when we reduce our life only to that, and then I start thinking my life is useless because I can’t give up this conditioning, that’s when we’ll go into self-pity. But if we consider that, ok, this is something which I have to work on, but it will happen at its own pace, during that time I’ll work with my conditioning.
Then, we can move on in other aspects of our life, and gradually, this way we’ll be able to work on our conditioning also. I’ll answer your question.