Can we speak strongly in informal meetings with nondevotees so as to prevent discussions from going in provocative directions?
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Question from Sudha Mehta Mataji, this is a comment on an earlier question, how can we avoid blurting out and learn to think before speaking? So the question is that when it comes to dealing with people in real world, for example, ladies get together at workplace or incorporate informal meeting, skipping away, not answering etc. does not act in our favor. Sometimes their behavior is so instigating that we can't guru without a tight reply, so that things are nipped in the bud.
Is it okay that we keep speed break in our dealing with devotees, while with normal karmic people we can take liberties if they provoke? Actually, we should be sensitive with everyone, not just with devotees, but even with non-devotees, non-practitioners. But that being sensitive doesn't mean that we let ourselves be pushed around or we compromise our principles. We need to communicate to people where we stand and only when we communicate that clearly will people know.
And of course there will be some people who may want to needle us, just for our principles and they want to irritate us. But in general, we should give people the benefit of doubt and not assume they want to needle us. But if we tell them clearly, as you said, we can give a clearly worded, unambiguous reply at a particular point to cut things off.
So that is not wrong. That is the essential part of defending our principles. But even that should not be done in an impulsive, blurting out way.
So what we speak, how we speak, if we know that we are going to anticipate certain situations, then we can think in advance and present a clear message. It can be strong also, if necessary. But it has to be thought out, so that there are no unnecessary hurting of others' feelings.
Where it is necessary, if people are talking about, say, risk topics, we don't want to be a part of that naturally as devotees, then making it clear is important. If sometimes this may come off as being discourteous, then can we avoid it? We may not be able to avoid those specific expressions, although we can try to soften them whenever possible. But at other times, if we are courteous with others, then what people will understand is, this is a nice person overall, but that person has this, this, this, maybe this.
They may not call it principles, they may call it fixations, whatever. But they know that this person is a little sensitive about these topics, and then they will not speak those things. So relationships are dynamic, and how best we will be able to function in those relationships, whether it is with devotees or non-devotees, will change according to time, place, circumstance.
So certainly we cannot just walk away or keep silent in all situations, and we do have to express ourselves, so that people know where we stand. And doing that is not only desirable, it's essential. And how we can do that best, we need to put some thought amount, or a good amount of thought in it.
And also, after we do it and we see the effects, we can learn from that and see how we could have proved in the future. And that way we can make sure that we have cordial relationship with everyone, not just devotees, but also with non-devotees. Cordial doesn't mean we have to be intimate and share their materialistic joys and sorrows, especially if those materialistic joys are sensual or immoral.
But still, in the name of being spiritual, we should not lose the human aspect of our interactions, even with non-devotees. We need to have basic human courtesy and cordiality. And even while communicating our principles, it is best to not do that in a moralizing way that comes off as we consider them to be inferior to us, because that can be insulting at people also.
We have to communicate what we want to communicate, but we can do it in a calm, non-judgmental way, where people recognize that they should not do this around us, but they don't feel necessarily insulted by what we are doing. So, certainly we can speak, but we have to be sensitive about how we speak strongly also, and take care that we don't convey the wrong impressions of being arrogant.