CC daily 199 – 7.21-22 – Insistence is a sign of intimacy

Thank you. So here, Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu is in an endearing way, while appreciating his devotees, is externally seeming to disapprove of what they are doing or reproach them for what they are doing. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu has decided to go to South India and he has told the devotees that he wants to go alone and when they oppose, he says that and Nityanand Prabhu on their behalf opposes this and then proposes his own candidature for going with him.

Lord Chaitanya replies that all of you, in the previous text he has said why he cannot take Nityanand Prabhu and now he is saying why he can't take the other devotees. So he is mentioning his various associates. He has already mentioned Nityanand Prabhu and now he is mentioning about two other associates, Jagadanand Pandit and Mukunda.

So about Jagadanand Pandit, he said that Jagadanand Pandit wants me to enjoy sense gratification and when he sees me, so he offers me objects. He offers me opulent objects and out of fear of him, out of fear of displeasing him, I cannot say no and if sometime in order to honor the dharma of Sunimas, I do say no, then he becomes so angry with me that he doesn't talk with me for three days. So normally in a relationship, sometimes people give each other what they call as a silent treatment.

That means I won't talk with you only. So the silence is the way people respond to someone's pursued improprieties in a relationship and they hope that by this, that other person will realize the error of one's ways and correct them. So that's the silent treatment.

So the idea is that silence will act as a treatment. So of course, whether the treatment is necessary, whether the treatment is going to work or not, now all these are variables. Every relationship, every person, every situation is different, in fact unique and so one can't say what is right or wrong.

But the point is here, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu is saying that whenever Galaghar Pandey gives me the silent treatment, whenever I don't do what he wants me to do. So what he wants me to do is enjoy worldly objects. Now worldly objects certainly doesn't mean sexual objects.

In that regard, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was inviolably firm. But what he does refer to is the objects which are concerned with with say mostly eating. He would like to offer a lot of very opulent food or especially like oils, decorative oils, fragrant decorative oils which are used for massage or for for enhancing the skin or whatever.

So now Chaitanya Mahaprabhu would normally refuse, would normally would never have taken such things. You know quite often a no is not just a no. That means a no to an offering is often seen as a no to the offerer.

If someone offers us something, say two friends meet and one boyfriend offers some food to eat, then it's a matter of courtesy that some food should be eaten. That's the usual way. At least if people, somebody comes to a, in cultured families, if somebody comes as a guest to a house, then please take at least, they say, at least take water.

Please take some food, take some snacks. That's the way cultured families are. And especially in affectionate relationships, gifts are usually thoughtfully given considering the needs, interests, concerns of the receiver.

That's how gifts should be given. But so normally just because we like something, that's not what should determine what we give to someone else. If we like something, we can get that thing for ourselves.

If it's, if it's, that liking is not just self-deductatory but it's also useful for us. But that doesn't mean that just because we like something, that others will also be liking it. Others may not, others may have different likes, different needs.

So as they say NIC, a critical denominator underlying communication is needs, interests, concerns. But what are the needs, what are the interests, what are the concerns of that other person and make communication based on that. But quite often when there is, when there is love, that's how ideally it should be, that the gift should be given based on the needs, interests, concerns of the receiver, not the needs, interests, concerns of the giver.

But sometimes, we, the giver, may want the receiver to take something which is not really, is not what the receiver would want but still the giver wants to give. And that creates a difficult situation. Sometimes, if you go to the houses of devotees for prasad and then they may want to offer the most opulent food items but that may not be what is suited for the visiting devotees health or dietary needs or whatever and insisting that you please take this.

Yet often, it creates a very difficult situation because if you say yes, then that's going to affect the health. I'm talking from the visiting devotees perspective. If you say no, then that may hurt others.

So in such situations, it's not easy to deal with things. So Chaitanya Mahaprabhu is telling that in a similar mode, Jagadan Pandit would offer him opulent things to eat and he as a sannyasi could not possibly eat such things or enjoy such things and that's how it created an incompatible situation for him. In a sense, although it's criticism but it's also glorification because normally when one is with some great person, one will simply be just wanting to carry out the orders of that person and do whatever it takes to please that person.

But only when if you have a very intimate relationship with that person will we insist you don't do like this, do like this and even if that person says no, still we may insist. So that insistence is also a sign of intimacy. Although, of course, at some times it can be a sign of obstinacy also and one has to be careful according to the circumstances to conduct oneself in a proper way.

Essentially, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu is telling that Jagadan Pandit cannot come with me because he makes it difficult for me to follow my sannyas dharma. Thank you.