CC daily 32 – M 4.119-124 – Personal renunciation is not an excuse for devotional incompetence

Thank you … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … He thought that even if I get a little kheer, I'll be able to understand how it has been cooked. Swaad jani tai chhe, once I understand the taste, then I will, tai shesheer Gopal e lagaay.

I'll offer a similar kheer to Gopal. So here we see the amazing thing that on one extreme, he is so renowned that he doesn't even ask for food. On the other hand, he is so expert that just by tasting a little bit, he can understand how it has been cooked.

So the whole point is that a devotee follows the principle of offering the best to the Lord and keeping the simplest things for oneself. That is what is the mood of a devotee and that's the mood that is exhibited over here by Madhavendra Puri, as he depicts here how he should act, as he decides here what he should act. He doesn't want to give up his vrat of asking for food, but still he wants to ensure that the quality of the service that he is doing to the Lord is continued and improved.

E ichhaya lajjapaya, Vishnu smaran kaila, he nakale bhogasari, arati bhajila. E ichhaya lajjapaya, when he had this desire, lajjapaya, suddenly he became ashamed of himself. Vishnu smaran kaila, he remembered Lord Vishnu.

He nakale bhogasari, arati bhajila. At that time, the bhoga got over and the arati, the bell, the arati bhajila, the bell for the arati started. So what had happened was that as this conversation was between Madhavendra Puri and the pujari was going on, actually the Sandhya bhoga was at that time going on and the pujari said that Sandhya, this special kheer is offered.

So the offering was actually going on at that time and as the offering was going on, Madhavendra Puri, he thought that how could I have desired to taste something before it was offered to the Lord. You know, how was I so insensitive, how was I so undevotional, alas, I have committed a great mistake and he became ashamed. There are people all over the world, they don't even believe in God, they don't even consider that they have to offer anything to God.

But here Madhavendra Puri is thinking that without offering, if I take food then I have committed a great offence and if I have committed an offence, then I need to make amends for the offence by serving, by doing Vishnu Smarana, Vishnu, Vishnu, Vishnu, Vishnu, I have to understand that actually for whatever offence that we have committed, ultimately there is no shelter apart from Vishnu. So it is just Vishnu who has to be, whose shelter has to be sought and to whom, at whose feet we have to fall by which we can actually make amends for whatever mistakes we may have committed. So Madhavendra Puri does exactly that by falling at the feet of Vishnu in his mind and in Vishnu Smarana and as he was, internally such strong emotions were going on.

First, he was delighted to see the high quality, to see Darshan of Gopinath and then his delight express itself as chanting and dancing and singing for the Lord's pleasure, then when he saw the high quality service, the delight took on another form and then when he heard specifically about the various items being offered, he thought that oh I should prepare similar service for Gopal also and then as he was thinking about, thinking an intense devotional rapture about how to increase the service to Gopal, suddenly now from that rapture has come mortification, has come agony and by all this, so devotee may externally not seem to be very active, but internally there is a panorama of emotions that is going on. So, at that time the aarti was, the aarti bell was rung. So aarti dekhiya puri kahila namaskar, bahire aila kare kichu na kahila aar.

So now, Mahatma Gandhi was so ashamed, but still he said oh the aarti is going on, let me be present as the servant of the Lord to behold this beautiful aarti. Aarti dekhiya puri kahila namaskar. So he beheld the aarti ceremony and he offered his obeisances to the Lord and bahire aila, he came outside, kare kichu na kahila aar and he did not speak anything to anyone.

Now on one side, he had the desire to have the kheer, now he was feeling grief struck because he had taken the desire to eat before the offering had been done. So he did not speak to anyone. It was his private agony that was there, devotee has private ecstasy and private agonies.

So here, aya chit vritti puri virakta udas, aya chit paile khaya nahe upawas. So this point, this particular glory of Madhavendra Puri, although it was implicit earlier, it is now being specifically stated. What is that? Aya chit vritti puri, aya chit vritti.

Aya chit vritti means that he does not ask anything from anyone. Aya chit means to not ask from anyone. Aya chit vritti puri, virakta udas, he was unattached and indifferent.

Aya chit paile khaya nahe upawas, so without asking anything from anyone, if he got something, paile khaya, then he would eat it. Otherwise, nahe upawas, he was not attached, he was ready to starve also if he did not get anything. This was the glory of Madhavendra Puri that he could live without food if that sort was required.

So he was just absorbed in the Lord and as a matter of his absorption in the Lord, so there was a side product, by-product of that, that was that he was deeply renounced and he had adopted the vritti of aya chit, so that is like a ajgar vritti. So this was mentioned even in the Srimad Bhagavatam 11th Canto, we are talking about in the Uddhav Gita section, there is the Avadhoot Brahmana who speaks, who also has a aya chit vritti. So there is a tradition of extreme renunciation, which Madhavendra Puri was a part of, but his extreme renunciation was not for mortification of the flesh, his extreme renunciation was out of his ecstatic devotion, that will be mentioned in the next verse.

So Madhavendra Puri was satisfied, trupta with prema amrita, with the nectar of prema, shudha trishna nahi baadhe, shudha, shudha is, so hunger and trishna is third, nahi baadhe, so because he was satisfied with love for Krishna, so hunger and thirst did not disturb him, nahi baadhe, kshira iccha haila, now when he had the slight desire for kshira, he thought that this is a aparad I have committed, oh what offense I have committed like this, I should not have desired kshira like this, so thinking like this, he felt that, he felt remorseful, so his level of, you know sometimes we commit big big mistakes and leave alone repenting for the mistakes, we don't even notice those mistakes and often we actually delight in noticing other people's mistakes, but a devotee is so sensitive that a devotee catches oneself doing wrong, catches others doing wrong, by catching ourselves doing wrong, we can improve ourselves, by catching others doing wrong, we simply get a sense of self-righteousness and get a superiority complex which actually often alienates us from devotion, alienates us from Krishna, so Madhavendra Puri, it was such a small offense that nobody would have even known about it, but Madhavendra Puri, he did not bother, he did not bother, nobody knows my thoughts, no, I have not spoken to anyone, there is nothing wrong, first of all, many people will think that, oh just desiring to eat the bhoga before the lord has taken, that itself, what is wrong with that, it is not such a serious offense and if nobody has come to know about it, then what is the problem further still, so Madhavendra Puri was thinking that it is not a matter of public perception, it is a matter of personal devotion, that my devotion should be that whatever that first thing should be offered to the lord, that everything enjoyable is meant for the enjoyment of the lord, not for my pleasure, actually Madhavendra Puri desire was not even for his pleasure, it was for the service of the lord, he wanted to eat the kheer and taste the kheer, not so that he could enjoy its taste, but so that he could offer a similar kheer to Gopal, but still he thought, oh before the lord is enjoyed, how could I have desire to take it, so this is a move of catching oneself doing wrong is a sign of exalted devotion and that enables a devotee to march on what is steadily in devotional service,.