CC daily 56 – M 5.17-20 – Belonging in relationships is not dehumanizing but heart-warming

Chetan Chavita Amrit Madhya Leela chapter 5 on Sakshi Gopal text 17 Chota Vipra kare sada tahara sevan tahara sevaye vipre ratushta hai laman so Chota Vipra it is described that these two brahmanas had gone on pilgrimage to various places and finally came to Mathura and now they are in the temple of Gopal in Mathura and this particular event discussion is happening in that temple Chota Vipra so there was an elderly brahmana and younger brahmana so the younger brahmana Chota Vipra kare sada tahara sevan he constantly served the elderly brahmana tahara sevaye vipre ratushta hai laman and by this service the Vipra Vipra here refers to the elderly brahmana he was satisfied in general if you need something and someone provides it and not just once twice but regularly naturally we feel pleased with that person because in general all of us have many things to do in life and if we are devotionally disposed that means that we simply have so many more things to do for Krishna also so if somebody assists us in our day to day activities in our service to Krishna then whether they are assisting in practical day to day activities or in our devotional activities overall they help us in our service to Krishna naturally even in material life if somebody serves well people feel pleased what to speak of in spiritual life so naturally the elderly brahmana was pleased tushta hai laman vipra bale tumi more bahu seva kaila sahaya haiya more tirtha karaila vipra bale so the references use the chota vipra and vipra so vipra here refers to the elderly brahmana vipra bale tumi more bahu seva karaila you have served me a lot in this world sometimes people take others so much for granted that even if the other person serves a lot sometimes people don't notice also but when somebody is doing voluntary non obligatory service then that naturally gets noticed so these two brahmanas had gone on a pilgrimage and it was not that one brahmana was a servant of the other brahmana but rather they were both brahmanas so you have served me a lot he said sahaya haiya more tirtha karaila you assisted me and you enabled me to go to tirtha yatra to so many places in general among the religious people it is it is a cultural practice that one should go to the various holy places behold the ladies over there take bath in the holy places associate with the saintly people over there and especially in old age in when you are youth and in middle age one is often busy with worldly ambitions and worldly responsibilities but as one grows old and starts retiring from life then one is expected to spiritualize one's engagements and go on tirtha yatras now old age provides time for going for pilgrimage especially if one is retired but it doesn't provide so much facility because quite often in old age the body breaks down and when the body is broken down then even if it is not broken down even if it is weakened then travelling becomes difficult so although the heart's pious devotional desire is there to travel the practical reality is that travelling can be quite difficult so in such a time if somebody assists naturally feels very grateful he says tirtha karaila so the elderly brahman is saying that it's not that I went on pilgrimage it is you took me on pilgrimage he is acknowledging and he is expressing his gratitude that without you I could not have gone very difficult even if I could have gone tirtha karaila you took me on pilgrimage and then he continues expressing his heart putreyo pita rai chhe na kare sevan tomara prasade aami na paila mashram putreyo pita rai chhe so even a son will not serve his father like this na kare sevan these are indeed high words of praise normally in a culture society the parent child bond runs both ways the parents take care of children in their childhood and boyhood and youth and then when the parents grow old then the children especially the sons take care of the parents and the sons are expected to serve the parents but often the sons also may not serve the parents very well and so he is saying that even if my son had served me the son would not have served as well as you have served such quality service you have and tomara prasade aami by your mercy by your kindness na paila mashram I have not faced any difficulty normally a thoughtful assistant thinks of whatever difficulties one's master may face and anticipates and prevents those difficulties or prepares so that one can minimize so that those difficulties can be minimized so he says your servant served in such an excellent way that I did not feel any difficulty in my travels na paila mashram and then he continues krita gnata hai tomay na kaile samman ataiva tomaya mi diba kanya dan krita gnata hai krita gnata is one who is ungrateful krita gya is one who is ungrateful krita means one who knows what another has done for me gna is a destroyer or betrayer it has a negative connotation in general destroyer krita gna means one who destroys the debt one who rejects the debt one who does not stay conscious of the debt so gna is the opposite of gya krita gnata hai that I would be ungrateful tomay na kaile samman if I do not acknowledge what you have done for me if I do not honor you if I do not offer something to you that honors you then I would be ungrateful so culture is based on reciprocation there are two people and the culture is exhibiting among them and how they mutually reciprocate with each other in an appropriate way so if someone does something for us it is a part of natural human culture that I should also do something for that person unfortunately when people grow up in a culture of entitlement then they think that I deserve this and then I demand it and I think because I don't need to do anything for it because it's meant to be mine so when people are too conscious of their rights then they become unconscious of their duties but for society to function properly there has to be reciprocation of course that reciprocation is not based on just commercial functional motive but it is based on affection and respect so the brahmana the elder brahmana is saying that you have done so much for me and I should also do something for you otherwise I will not be I will be an ungrateful person so what will I give for you I want to offer my honour to you Ataheva Tomayami Deeba Kanya Daan therefore I will give my daughter to you in marriage now marriage is conceived in today's culture largely in terms of a choice that is exhibited as exercised by the marrying couple for their own pleasure and certainly the married couple their pleasure is there it is an important factor to people who come together they should be able to live together happily but in Vedic culture the word is used for marriage is Kanya Daan so now this does not necessarily mean that Kanya Daan is giving the charity of one's Kanya of daughter so this is not dehumanize a woman to think that she is just a property who is to be given donation often what is given in donation especially in a relationship of affection is something which is very dear to us, which is very cherished by us so the idea of possession can doesn't have to be a dehumanizing idea, it can also be a very affectionate idea in romantic movies sometimes the lovers say tum mere ho you are mine and I am yours now there is no dehumanizing aspect to that although that sense of rather than using the word possession, you can use the word sense of belonging sense of belonging is an integral part of affection, I belong to you and you belong to me so Bhakthanath Thakur also says in one of his songs aami to to maara tumi to aamaara ki ka jaya pare dhaana that you are mine and I am yours and what other wealth do I want oh lord so when he speaks here of the word Kanya Daan, the idea is that there is an affectionate bond between the father and the son and the father and the daughter and the father considers his daughter to be a very treasured possession and very affectionate bond is there between them and sense of belonging is there and the father will entrust his daughter to only a person who is worthy just as charity in Vedic culture is to be given to a person who is a worthy candidate for charity and especially Kanya Daan is done to a person who is eminently worthy so he is telling that you have exhibited, I have observed you I have seen what a service attitude you have you know how caring you are and I feel that you will be a truly a worthy husband for my wife, for my daughter sorry and therefore I will honor you by giving my daughter in marriage to me so how this transpired afterwards we will discuss in our next talk. Thank you.