Finding Happiness Through Desire Management – 2 Youth Boston

So, thank you very much Yet So From the perspective that there are these two kinds of happiness That which is like nectar in the beginning poison in the end. Was it poison in the beginning nectar in the end? So this nectar in the beginning poison in the end.

We analyse that into two broad categories that it is because it's It's unattainable unretainable or undoable and eventually It is what we get is temporary when we get it. It's in a substantial sometimes Having it's at least two is three is the inducing and overall the pursuit of it can become exhausting So what do we do about it? The essence of the talk point that we discussed till now is the search for happiness can become Sorry, what? The cause of unhappiness so addiction is a trust example. So how do we prevent that? So this is where We talk about what I want to speak is We sort of summarised in this So rad means a radical So it's time to become a rad we all have to become a radical spiritual radicals, so This is basically three ways Of processing our search for happiness Unlike the search for happiness is that we have desires Oh, I want this So our desires themselves Desires Can be categorised in multiple numbers and there are some desires that need to be rejected So some desires need to be rejected some desires need to be accommodated And some desires need to be developed So Desire management is the key so that the search for happiness Doesn't become the cause of unhappiness so rejected In one sense, we already said the superficial desires so Among the many desires that we have There are our desires are not one thing all our desires don't fall in the same category Not all desires can be treated the same way So krishna talks about this in 270 He says This particular quote is Interesting compound word So some desires need to be rejected what does it mean that krishna says Apurvaman machidaprishnan So shantim aapnoti na tu kaamakam Don't be a desirer of desire Desirer of desire means there are many desires that will come up with us And we need to recognise which desires are superficial say we pass by some We're walking by some shop and there's some food to eat.

We get a desire to eat it Now if you start eating every food that Catches our desire Now that's too expensive not just financially but even physically. It's not sustainable So there are many desires the desires will flow into us So that's just a ritual thought But when we say say this is my consciousness Then the desire flowing into me Is like a proposition So many propositions will come in we can't close our eyes and function in the world but the response to that is Is the decision Is the pursuit? It is so not every proposition So propositions we can't stop them So propositions may come but decision is This is not what I mean This level of regulation Is required in a daily life When we function in the world even if somebody is not a spiritualist that We see so many people in the world so many people seem attractive Now we can't just be pursuing any and every person we want literally A person can turn into predator and be considered a problem So basically there's so many desires which will come in but I'm not going to pursue them Now, how is this possible? How can we reject desires? The word rejection itself often conveys the idea of deprivation Oh, you know I saw this like this particular this particular clothes this particular bike this particular car. I want it And if I get that it can be happy when the desire is coming How can I reject it? That's why krishna says It depends on Our consciousness the metaphor he gives over here is That if our consciousness Is like a paradigm And the desire coming in Is like a river Then what will happen the Parallel will completely be devastated by the river So like that if our consciousness is not filled with something substantial something big say if Uh, we say if you're coming from your college student And if you are Clear, okay.

I want to come to the temple. I want to learn about the bhagwaita. I want to learn about the higher realms of life Then you might see some movie holding you might see some food.

Okay I'm not interested in this But if somebody's just going for a walk when you are going to enjoy fool around hang around there's nothing to do Then what happens is If there's a thing in our mind will make our mind any that means there's no higher purpose Then any small desire will come and drive us So basically if our consciousness Is like a puddle And the river is the river is the desire Consciousness is the puddle then There will be devastation We will be completely overwhelmed So the way to reject the desire Is not simply no, no, no, I won't do this the way to reject is actually to enlarge our consciousness so much That our consciousness becomes like an ocean And then when the desire comes in it's like a river it won't Disturb us much So we all have this experience when our consciousness is filled with something bigger Say if you are a with some friend tells you that okay, you know Uh, this is IP match. Let's go and watch it Okay, yeah, let me go and watch it But otherwise the movie doesn't want to watch but say you have an important project an important deadline And that's what you focus on say not now So when our our own conscious is internally filled with something bigger then Not being affected by the desire that come in is easy So if we are in rejection Is focused is centred only on saying no It's not it's not something you can keep doing for longer So how we reject is it's a whole process and we will talk about that as we move forward So sometimes people feel that oh if I have to follow rules Don't do this. Don't do this.

Don't do this. So like I said that's how many people think the rules means You said rules bring happiness and many people feel that actually rules take away the Take away take us away from the things or keep us away from the thing that bring us happiness Why do you feel like that because there are different kinds of desires? So some desires we are saying don't do And the rules we say, okay Obviously whatever that is your or I Or don't just watch everything we receive and this is the rule but what we are saying no to is Important, but what we are saying yes to is even more important So What is the the gita explains that in this world? There are many temptations And why are these temptations where? There is a purpose for that I was in australia and someone asked me a question that if god wants us to do good things Then why are there so many bad options in the world? In fact, why are the bad options? Are the options are considered not so good? Vice versa even from a normal perspective. They're not so good or you know traditional perspective.

Why are there so many? So I explained That's how it is in any multiple choice example Like the wrong options are many The right option is only one And the teacher is only given the wrong options But the wrong option is not given for us to choose the wrong option The wrong option is given so that It can be evaluated whether we have studied But if we have studied Then we will naturally choose the right option So like that if you remember one point about the happiness, which is which is like poison in the beginning and printer in the end What krishna says? It brings Self-understanding So there are desires which take us away from ourselves And there are desires which bring us closer to ourselves They say what do you get among the desires? They some can take us away from ourselves What that means is like say somebody starts drinking Intoxication is actually means to forget Who I am where I am what i'm doing And then that person Is drinking and drinking. I was at an alcoholics meeting was talking with the people and Was addressing them. So we would have a discussion So one person said that he He had started drinking and one night he had a urge to drink and he He it was late night.

It was freezing cold Sleeky mob got into his car And went to a nearby place and there's a particular kind of thing that he wants to go not there then he went to other side of the Town and then by the time he got near the shop his car broke down And then this is not starting he got out of the car And he said running toward the shop and he had been so desperate to get that liquor that he had That he had forgotten to get warm boots So it was chilling So he he ran into the shop. He got the liquor He Should go back and drink and then he was going back towards his car and then while he was going along somewhere there was some Ice or something below and he slipped And when he slipped He had unblocked the bottle but he did not put the bottle back to me. So what happened was He got a vision of that bottle And he said His first thought was frustration You know, I made so much effort to get this drink and now it's all spilt And then the next thought came in my mind is He was flat on the ground and his body was pounded.

He was looking at the Around all the lights and all the homes around him And he said What have I become? What am I doing? What have I become? Instead of sleeping peacefully in the bed. I am lying on this On this ground What has become of me? This is not who I am. This is not who I wanted to be So this is the time in this realisation Unhappiness Unhappiness comes Unhappiness will anyway come to everyone in life But there are two understandings of the cause of unhappiness One is It is frustration of desire I thought this But I can take it And that is the cause of unhappiness But the other understanding is The unhappiness is because of Domination by desire And Why am I unhappy? How have I become so Hooked on this alcohol and at night I have gone all the extreme and that is why I am in trouble So which is the cause of unhappiness? You could say it's both But most of the times We would think that because I didn't get this desire that's why I am unhappy But it requires a special mercy A special insight some kind of divine ability To get that understanding That my unhappiness Is not because I could not fulfil this desire.

It is actually because I have this desire And this desire is so strong within me So the unhappiness is That's the time I realised I have to move on I have to give this up I have to And that's when I started exploring what do I do? How do I move forward? So he came to 12 steps programme and on devotee they also started a BRG Makhti recovery group where we have the 12 steps of the Alcoholics Anonymous. They are presently using all the principles And so the point is that's how he was introduced to Makhti So basically There are desires that we need to reject So there are some desires That take us away from ourselves And there are some desires that take us closer to ourselves The desire that take us toward ourselves So the desire that take us away from ourselves These need to be rejected So we all can see That the things that I'm desiring even if sometimes we get into a relationship And then in that relationship we start Finding that you know, I'm becoming more angry or I'm becoming You know, I'm going away from who I am sometimes in seeking approval of another person Like in an approval addiction also In trying to please the other person we might do things that are unhealthy So there's other desires taking me away from myself There are desires like that and they need to be rejected Now However There is What is the acronym we are discussing? RAD. So the second is Accumulate Not all desires can be rejected So So he says for example Working all these are in one sense needs of the body mind machine that we have And these needs cannot be rejected They need to be accommodated And So the key for accommodation is regulation.

Regulation means not too little not too much He says don't sleep too little Don't sleep too much If we sleep too little What happens? If we don't sleep at the right time We sleep at the wrong time If we don't sleep at night we sleep in classes we sleep in meetings we sleep while driving You know A sleepy driver is actually more injured than a drunk driver So sleeping is required and we talk about accommodation This is where There is there is individual consideration We cannot have one side one side sorry one side with all arms So for example this with food how much food you want to eat? We can't say everybody should eat three chapatis No, some people have a higher metabolism. They may have a healthier appetite. They may eat more The key is not how much you eat.

The key is what we do after meat So in the broad tradition there is there is Raghunatha Goswami who will just eat He was a great saint but he will say to eat just a little bit buttermilk once in three days And there was Bheema Who when the Pandavas would be in the forest then whatever food they would get they would divide all the food into half And whatever was one half would go to Bheema and the remaining one half would be divided among everyone else So he just had that appetite And he's also considered he's a great great spiritualist So the point is different people may have different desires that need to be accommodated to different degrees So we would say that in terms of desire management In our search for happiness now, I am talking about desire management right now We said that the search for happiness can become the cause of unhappiness So we don't want that to happen so when that search for happiness is driven by some superficial desires Those need to be rejected because they will lead to unhappiness so we would say There is white there is black So the black part is in the desire that need to be rejected So now the it is not just one line Black is also a spectrum Now in between is the green So these need to be accommodated So when this desire to be accommodated each person has to find out how to accommodate So some people as I said, we need a particular amount of food. Some people may need a particular amount of sleep Some people may get along with say five five and a half six hours some people may need eight hours Now is a person who's sleeping eight hours lazy? not necessary It could be it depends That the point is not how much you sleep the point is how do we function when we are awake So there can be different degrees of accommodation required for different people So Some people are introverts so they need their space some people are extraordinary people So this this is not something which can be completely changed nor does it need to be changed It need to be accommodated each person needs to be accommodated So So the word recreation Nowadays it's just people involved in the watching movies or something like that but recreation essentially means that which recreates us We get exhausted And we need to be recreated. So for example introvert extrovert Introverts they get strength when they are alone Extroverts they get strength when they are with people So recreation means we have to find out the activities that recreate us And those also we do in relations Introverts should not become people haters Isn't it? And extroverts should not become people dependent Both can go toward extreme So the idea is There are desires of recreation Recreation essentially means that which rejuvenates Or strengthens us Restores our strength We can have a separate physical strength could be emotional strength mental strength We all need some activities that relax and rejuvenate us So these need to be created So for introverts Introvert extrovert is just one category I am giving example But there could be different kinds of categories say for example, somebody may like music And then for that person just Maybe pick up instrument and just playing the instrument saying hey So this is where when people talk about hobbies People spend a lot of time in merging hobbies Now hobbies they are a form of recreation so Each of us now If somebody says i'm not doing a job, I just I just play music When you cannot do no professional musicians as if otherwise That cannot take up your whole life So there are some desires which need to be accommodated And Differently now which particular desire we need to accommodate it depends on person to person So some people they may have very strong desires to achieve something that somebody has Okay, I My life's dream is to have this kind of house this level of comfort And okay, if that's what that is some people If that's what a person requires, okay that desire will be accommodated But the point is that desire should not start dominating us that desire should not start defining us And And This is where individual guidance and individual introspection is required to decide which desires to be accommodated and to what degree And what is the last part? Yeah Is not about giving up desires it is about taking up desires Vishnu Prabhupada when he came to america And at the age of almost 70 What brought him to america? Was he detached? What brought him to america was his desire to share Krishna's glories but among all those who were Disciples of his teacher master Prabhupada's godbrothers Others might have been more attached than him more.

They might be lifelong associates But Prabhupada what defined him was like Guru Maharaj gave an instruction I have to follow this I want to fulfil this So bhakti is not so much about giving up desires It is about taking up desires Now of course, it's not the same category of desires Some desires have to be given up But the core of bhakti is not core of spirituality when the motivation is not about giving up desires It is about taking up higher and near desires and Now what do these desires mean? This is part of the discussion that if you consider This is the spiritual level And this is the material level So at the spiritual level krishna exists as the highest reality So What the The gita explains is that we at our own are parts of our And because we are parts of god many of you said that you're doing something for someone else We are loved ones being someone unknown to us. We do something good for others That's what brings happiness And that's because we are a part of a reality So at one level the desire for krishna desire to attain krishna Desire to develop love for krishna and to be immersed in krishna That had krishna is the source of all happiness He is like if you have a powerhouse and connect the powerhouse through putting our times on it Then we get happiness. We start to get happiness.

We get power Like that because krishna is like a reservoir of happiness So when we connect with krishna we get happiness and the connection with krishna is through desire however That's not the only thing That Connecting with krishna is not just about Turning away from the world and going towards krishna It is one understanding is that krishna exists Up there in the spiritual world But another understanding is That actually krishna Exists everywhere It's a dream in the human ever That this is this whole team is What krishna said is krishna exists everywhere Krishna exists even in this world or other world exists within krishna and therefore We serve krishna also through this world So when we act in a mode of service So there is the direct desire for krishna that is our connection with krishna And then this is our contribution It's a contribution to krishna through this world so arjuna was a great archer and Many of you may know that story when arjuna was Is in his teacher's guru's academy. So there were some karmic practise so there was a All the students were called and they were told to Shoot a target on the book on top of the tree. What was the target? You know Now different people They came forward and they asked what do you see And they said oh, I see the tree.

I see the forest. I see the sky What does arjuna see? I see only the eye of the world. So it's interesting.

Arjuna didn't say I see krishna Arjuna is a great devotee and a devotee wants to see krishna everywhere Then why didn't he say I see krishna and why did he turn around and say why did you not see krishna? Why do you see only the eye of the world? Well the point is Yes Arjuna was a devotee of krishna, but he had been given by krishna a gift the gift of And he was using that so his focus on the target was a part of his using his gifts Some of you talk about you have to progress your passion or connect our passion with our purpose So the understanding here is how do you find happiness? it is By linking with the one who is source but that does not mean That he's turned away from the world and neglected it Rather the understanding is that we have been You can say that If you consider krishna is here Probably he's everywhere also But you know we Have been given some gifts Hmm and those gifts have been given to us by god Now some of us may have intellectual abilities. Some of them may have mathematical ability analytical linguistic abilities Musical abilities, but we all have been given gifts So what we have What we have Is actually krishna's gift to us and then What we do with what we have That is our gift to krishna So life is the understanding is divine circle of love where what we have is a gift given to us and we value that gift we discover that gift and that's why that introspection or discipline when we try to pursue the happiness we follow some disciplines poise is the beginning krishna says what it is so for example if we if we follow our regular lifestyle we do our sadhana regularly this time i wake up, this time i eat food i do all these disciplines so by this discipline we start getting more and more inner clarity aadho bhuti prasad we get self understanding otherwise without a self understanding our desires are largely determined by the world oh you know people say if you become this you will be happy oh this is so glamorous, this is very lucrative this is like this and you become happy but what happens is we are letting the world determine our desires but when we practise discipline when we practise sadhana when we have a regulated lifestyle then what happens is we start getting inner clarity we start getting inner clarity its like suppose you send a message on your mobile and you start typing the message each time you start typing a word the mobile starts asking you ok which phone do you want what font size do you want what background do you want what colour do you want now if you go into the parameters of the phone you may have dozens of parameters for a simple message now if we have to fill all those dozens of parameters each time we have to send a small message I am talking in 5 minutes well filling those parameters will take 15 minutes so ok have some default settings and then you can actually send a message so like that having some rules that govern our life its like having some default settings once those default settings are there then we can some of the default settings have quality also those we have to check but the point is regulation helps us to move forward to discover our gifts so when we have to develop our desires first we have to discover our desires sorry discover our gifts how do we do that by regulation of life it gives clarity clarity of mind clarity of heart by which we can understand what are my gifts sometimes I may have a gift for art but the whole world is looking for music so if I use it and I try to go to music I am not really very good at it or I may have a gift for for for maths but everybody is going to software college and then I go into that and I am not happy there will be various areas so by spiritual practise we start getting greater inner clarity and then these desires both the desire for connection and the desire for contribution both these desires we have loved them we would have loved those desires that Krishna Prabhupada once asked by Prabhupada he had come to UK and UK at that time London was the headquarters of the European outreach so at that time some of his one of his disciples he speaks to Lachio I have met him sometime ago so he said devotees from Spain devotees from Italy, devotees from France devotees from Portugal they are all coming and of course you can report it about how the outreach is going on and Lachio Prabhupada said that remember everybody has something to do for you please use us as a service and Lachio Prabhupada said what do you want to do Prabhupada he said Prabhupada whatever you want me to do I will do it Prabhupada became angry he said what do you want to do no Prabhupada whatever you tell me I will do Prabhupada said understand a person find out what you want to do and do it for the Krishna find out what you want to do means that it doesn't mean somebody says I want to watch television 20 hours a day and that's a very superficial desire I want to be a millionaire or a billionaire that's like a what do you call it a teenage fantasy everybody will know what you want to do with it what you want to do in your life so what is that what are those deeper desires find out what you want to do and do it for Krishna find out what are our gifts all the things that naturally interest all the things that naturally draw us and then do it for Krishna so when you talk about developing our desires it requires first discover our desire discover our gifts now after we discover what are our gifts when we discover what we want to do then we have to to direct those gifts it is like discipline ourselves to enhance or to strangle those gifts anybody has got talent but talent means to have commitment so any terms you want to say many of you may have studied spiritual wisdom and you want to share this wisdom so if you study the wisdom develop that gift you can become public speaker, you can become a singer you can manage so what are gifts we have we learn to discipline ourselves so that we develop those gifts and this discipline we see as a way of serving the Lord and then direct our gifts for Krishna's pleasure not Krishna's pleasure not the world's dreams because sometimes people may have gifts but it is very frustrating somebody is talented musician and nobody thinks that person is talented or nobody recognises that person is talented when this happens it leads to immense dissatisfaction we may have talents but we all know some authors some authors they wrote brilliant books but their books became void even after they write and they were practically unknown during their lifetime why is that nobody is reading why should I write any books in our tradition the Goswamis wrote brilliant books now who knew that the tradition was going to become so brilliant and books were going to be written but they wrote because that was their calling so we need to direct our gifts for Krishna's pleasure I am doing this for the Lord sometimes what happens is we may reduce our dreams that means ok I forget that these gifts are given to me by God I am talented in this and I I will make my mark on the world so do something and show so it's not do something do something and show it's such a very significant difference do something and show means show that person that how great I am I will show this person that can be a motivation for some people but that motivation is often something should be done as a first mission so initially it may be a recognition and fame in the world but if our frame is limited I have these opportunities and I am going to make it big in the world then no matter how big we make it in the world still it will not be enough why? because there will always be someone bigger than us nowadays people say for many people making a million dollars is not as important as getting a million Instagram followers that people say, oh I am so famous I am an influencer Influencers often on social media Instagram, TikTok people are famous for nothing except being famous so now when people are like that they are seeking the whole stream but the whole stream is very little and somebody can have a million followers they should be happy with that they will be looking why is that person a million? if I have 10 million why does that person have more? so if our vision, if our frame is limited only to the world then even if we have abilities even if we get permission from those abilities still that will not give us satisfaction we need to be able to direct our abilities for Krishna's pleasure so when we are practising this is spiritual life it is not just about the view of the world the world is a place of misery yes the world is a place of distress often our own desires can increase our distress but when we learn to develop our healthy desires we discover our gifts we discipline ourselves so that those gifts can become better and then we direct the activities that we do towards the Lord and that will bring us deep satisfaction.