How can we know that we have done our best in our services or relationships?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, how can we know that we have done our best in a particular relationship? Because when, say, in a relationship, the child doesn’t work out well, you may feel, I did not do my best. But how can we know that? So, you say, hindsight is always the wise side. Because after there is something, you always know, I couldn’t have done this, I couldn’t have done that.
So, there is even a feedback of the past. And there can be learning from the past, and there can be lamenting about the past. And the two are very different.
The primary difference, again, is in the mode of goodness. Learning from the past is in the mode of goodness. Lamenting about the past is in the mode of ignorance.
The primary difference, in practical terms, is that when we are lamenting about the past, it is our mind that is in control. And the mind just goes to the past, I did not do my best, maybe I could have done this, maybe I could have done that. The mind just goes round and round and round, without coming to any actual conclusions.
And when we are lamenting, we neither get anything practical about what we can do to correct the situation, we basically, our mind eats us up into it. Maa ashu jaha, Krishna says, we have no lament. So, lamentation is definitely undesirable.
Even if, say, we have made, we have not done our best, we have made some mistakes, even in that situation also, just thinking about the past and living in the past, that often disempowers us in doing something correct in the present. So, lamenting is undesirable. At the same time, we do want to learn from our past.
Those who don’t, they say that, those who don’t learn from the mistakes of history, there, of course, will be good mistakes. So, the difference usually is that if you have to learn from the past, it is, we are in a calm frame of mind, we are in control, and we consciously take our thoughts of the past. And the first is, the mind is just taking our thoughts of the past.
So, we are doing some work, and at that time, the mind goes to the past. We are trying to do something right now, at the same time, we are talking with someone, hey, last time you were talking like that, last time I didn’t do like that, last time you were like that. And we are talking at that time, we are absent-minded, we are distracted, or whatever.
Basically, when we are lamenting, it is, it adversely affects our contribution to the present. And that way, it also harms our future, because we don’t act in the present. That is undesirable.
But, when we are learning from the past, we are overall in the mode of goodness. That means, we feel calm, we feel peaceful. Say, we do some nice devotional activity, we hear, we chant, and we get a calm frame of mind, and then, consciously, in a planned way, we direct our mind towards the past.
And it is okay. In the same situation, if I have done this many times, I won’t make you do this. Or, maybe it was just that I was short-sighted, or maybe I was too much in a impulsive mood at that moment.
And we can calmly learn some principles for ourselves. And after we have done the principles, just leave it. There is no point in revisiting the past again and again.
So, in a calm frame of mind, we lead our mind to the past, not that our mind drags us back. And that’s why, when we commit a mistake, it’s often that the thought of the mistake eats us up so much that we end up committing multiple mistakes after that. So, rather than doing that, we just try to distance ourselves from that situation, connect with Krishna, calm ourselves down, and then learn from it and move on.
As far as doing our best, we could put it in two ways. We could say that we can never do our best. No matter what we do, we could always have done it better.
And that mood can keep us in a mode of self-improvement. As Prabhupada asked, how should we feel after we give a class? Prabhupada said, after the class, we should feel, oh, I could have spoken at that point. I could have spoken in this exam.
I could have quoted this. Prabhupada said that, rather than thinking, I gave such a wonderful class, everybody appreciated me. I am such a great speaker.
What was it? I had a mood of learning. How could you have given a presentation like that? So, that is… So, thinking that I have not done my best, that can keep us in a learning and self-improvement mood. That’s one way of looking at it.
Another point is that, in that particular situation, with that particular attitude or with that particular disposition, we did what we did. And we had reasonably good intentions. That was the best we could have done in that situation.
So, we just accept that and move on. There’s no point in analyzing too much whether we did our best or not. Because we can’t cheat the past.
And when we say, there’s nothing to lament, when things are beyond… Prabhupada said that, there’s nothing to lament when things are beyond human control. That essentially means that, if something has happened, then we did something and by some factors, some factors may be caused and some factors beyond our control also. Then, something has gone wrong, we just leave it at that.
There are… It’s always very important for us that no matter whatever is the problem, whether it’s caused by others or whether it’s caused by us, the most important principle in bhakti is that we should be encouraging others. If we are willing to be discouraged, then bhakti is a voluntary activity. If you become discouraged, you will give up bhakti.
So even when someone is correcting us, when we are correcting someone, at the end of that correction, at the end of that assignment also, we should be encouraged. We should not be discouraged. Because if we just feel discouraged, what is the reason for going on? So being encouraged is very important.
And if thinking about the past is discouraging us, we can think about other things in the past or think about the positive things in the present and make sure that we are encouraged. And then we can learn from the past. So, our enthusiasm, our encouragement is our most important asset in life.
And we should never lose that. No, whether it is because of whatever mistakes we have made in our life, whether it is because of whatever wrong we have done, even if we have done some terribly wrong activity, still, we should not give up our enthusiasm. Because once we lose enthusiasm, then we give up bhakti.
And then, whatever we could possibly do to correct the situation in the future, that also decreases the chances of doing that. So even if it is our own mistakes, still, we don’t even dwell on it so much that it discourages us. In one sense, anything, you normally think of temptation in terms of, say, lust or anger or greed.
That is because it directly takes us away from Krishna. It makes us act in anti-demotional ways. Yes, that is temptation.
But in another sense, so if, say, I am here, some sense object is here, and Krishna is here. So if a sense object is taking me away from Krishna, that is, I understand it is a temptation. And it is mine.
But temptation can come in another way also that if something comes between me and Krishna, and that stops me from going towards Krishna, then that is, anything that obstructs our progress towards Krishna, that is a temptation. So if that is coming between me and Krishna, I should know this is also a temptation. And that, we should avoid.
So sometimes we may have done something wrong and I feel guilty about it. Guilty also should, I didn’t say this is a temptation, this is some sense object, I am here, Krishna is here. Guilt should come here, between the sense object and me.
Guilt acts like a protector for us. Because I know if I do this, it is wrong and I should not do it. So guilt is meant to protect us by coming between us and some sense object.
So that we don’t indulge in it. But maya can act so conveniently that guilt instead of coming here, it comes here. Between us and Krishna.
We feel, oh I did that wrong thing, I did that wrong thing, therefore what is the use of practicing it? No. If I did something wrong, it is like saying, oh I am so sick, what is the use of going to a doctor? No, if I am so sick, I need to go to a doctor also. And if I am thinking here, I am so sick, then what is the use of going to a doctor? That is completely misunderstanding of the nature of things.
So anything that comes between us and Krishna, we should know that is Maya. So even if it is thoughts of how I made mistakes in the past in my bhakti, if that is making us disheartened in bhakti, we know that is Maya. Yes, we want to learn from our mistakes, but we want to learn in such a way that we are enthused in our bhakti.
Not that we are disheartened in our bhakti. So by calmly introspecting and looking at what we could have done and drawing some principles from that, we move onwards in our life. And then, if the mind tries to go back to the past and eat us up, why did that happen? Just recognize that this is a part of your mind and try to pull it back towards you.
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