How can we observe the death anniversary of a loved one in a devotional way?

Transcript

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Question. If a loved one has passed away, then what can we do for that person at a spiritual level on the day when the anniversary of the departure of that person is being celebrated? Answer.
In the Vedic tradition, at the Karmakanda level, the Shraddha ceremony is performed. And the Shraddha ceremony is performed for many years, sometimes depending on the individual family, dynasty, tradition, as well as the culture around, it can be performed for several years. As devotees, our Vaishnavacharyas, Lakshya Prabhupada and Bhaktisiddhanta Thakur, and even before that Bhaktivinoda Thakur, have told us that the Karmakandi Shraddha ceremonies are not necessary.
Because the Karmakandi Shraddha ceremonies are ways in which the soul is offered some relief from some material negative karma that the soul may have to endure. Actually, the negative karma cannot be countered by material measures, but material good karma can be added to the account by these rituals, if they are properly performed. Unfortunately, most of the times, nowadays, those priests who perform these rituals are quite money-minded, and they do these rituals quite perfunctorily as a business.
So, if the family tradition requires, then we should not disturb the minds of others, and we can do the Shraddha rituals in the traditional way that is there within the family. But actually, the Vedic culture culminates in the Vaishnav culture. And in the Vaishnav culture, rather than depending on material mechanisms for appeasing certain gods, certain demigods, through certain rituals performed by certain priests, we actually appeal to the Supreme Lord at the spiritual level to benefit that soul at the spiritual level.
So, generally, at such anniversaries, devotees perform some extra devotional service that they dedicate to that particular person who has passed away and whose anniversary is being celebrated. So, if possible, one can chant extra rounds, and one can call devotees to one’s home for some Kirtan program and dedicate the program to the departed soul. Or one can sponsor the Deity Seva, the dress, the bhoga, the flowers for that particular day.
Or one can sponsor prasadam in the temple on that particular day. And the most important point is that we pray to Krishna that, just as Krishna, you have connected me to your lotus feet, please bless this soul, wherever he or she is, so that your grace can enable that person also to connect with you. And these prayers work at a far more powerful level, because if you are connected through a guru-shishya parampara to Krishna, if you are initiated or even if you are not initiated, if you are intending to take initiation and are connected with devotees, then through the guru-shishya parampara our prayer goes directly to Krishna, and Krishna reciprocates with our prayers, and Krishna helps that person wherever that person may be.
So, generally speaking, we can offer our services to Krishna in four ways, pranair, arthair, dhiya, vacha. With our prana, that means with our life and our time, arthair is with our finances, dhiya is with our intelligence, vacha is with our speech. So, we can offer physical services by investing our time, we can offer financial support, we can offer intellectual assistance by studying, sharing the philosophy, and vacha, we can ourselves speak the philosophy.
So, intellectual support means we deepen the philosophy, deepen our understanding of the philosophy and share at a philosophical level. Vacha means we can just spread the word around even if we are not very intellectually sophisticated. So, these occasions when the anniversaries are being celebrated can be good opportunities not only to pray for that soul, but to also use that anniversary to introduce other individuals who are connected to that departed soul and to us to the dimensions of life that exist beyond the dark curtain of death.
So, at such times when the memories of the departed soul as well as the memories of the departure take our thoughts away from the urgencies and trivialities of the here and now and compel us to think of deeper things, at such times if we can arrange some sort of memorial program in which not just the memories of the person are discussed, but more importantly we can discuss at the spiritual level how all of us are connected with each other through Krishna and how we can deepen that connection in this life by deepening our connection with Krishna. So, if we can give them a sensitive and mature devotional understanding which focuses not so much on the temporality and futility of material relationships, that can be one part of it, but it also speaks about the eternality and the sanctity of all relationships that are centered around God, then these experiences can be powerfully transformational in enabling many people who would otherwise not be open-minded towards Krishna Consciousness to open their minds and their hearts to enrich their lives with this deep wisdom. So, in this way we can benefit that person who has departed by praying and offering the fruits of the devotional program to that person or at least praying that the fruits be offered.
The fruits are not ours to command that we can offer to somebody else. It is not like money that we earn and we hand over to somebody else. But Krishna is Bhavagraha Janardana and if he sees that we have a sincere concern for another person and we also have a sincere desire to connect that person with Krishna and with that sincere intention we are offering our prayers, Krishna will surely reciprocate that sincerity.
So we shouldn’t in any way have a sense of pride that I am doing this for somebody else. See how much love and how much concern I have, how pious I am. That sort of attitude will spoil the whole thing.
But if we have a humble attitude and pray to Krishna, my devotional service is imperfect and I can’t say that there won’t be big results from my devotional service, but still I express my intention to you, my dear lord, please let this person come closer to your lotus feet. Such a humble and sincere request. How can Krishna not reciprocate? He will surely reciprocate and bring not only that person but even our hearts and the hearts of those around us closer to his lotus feet.
Thank you.