How do we deal with emotions of others – friends, relatives and devotees?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So how do we deal with emotions of others, especially friends, relatives and devotees? There are two broad principles for any relationship. For all relationships in general.
First is that, you know, we don’t want to hurt anyone. We try as a person to not hurt anyone. Second is, we should know that we can never please everyone.
Although we don’t want to displease everyone, it is a fact of life that we will not be able to please everyone. So, if we try to please everyone, the only thing that will happen is we will make ourselves very miserable. So then, we have to, in our relationships, prioritize.
That means, among my relationships, very important for me. And then, this relationship is at second level. This relationship is at third level.
And then, accordingly, I look at our energy, I look at our resources, I look at our time, I look at our thought to try to satisfy those, to try to act in a way that is appropriate for that relationship. So, that means, when I say prioritization, it doesn’t mean necessarily that we don’t consider some people, we don’t value other people, we disregard other people. It’s just that we are all limited.
And, acknowledging our finiteness, acknowledging our limitedness also requires humility. To think that I can please everyone, that is also a form of arrogance actually. Although I may want to please everyone, I am not able to.
So, we have to find out which are the most important relationships and focus on what all I need to do to sustain those relationships. And then we have second level, third level. We can have various levels of relationships.
And, find out what all are the things which we can do in those relationships to satisfy those people and to maintain those relationships. And, it’s a, every relationship will have its ups and downs. Sometimes some relationship will become very strong.
So, at such times, तां से दिख्जे सो भावरतो. We tolerate. Tolerance means what? It doesn’t mean that we just passively accept whatever another person is doing.
It means that we don’t let our natural reactions determine our responses. इच्चे कार से गए नहीं. Think soberly, what will be the best way I can do it.
So, it’s good to have some time on a regular basis where we take inventory of our relationships. Take inventory means what? Okay, I have this commitment, this commitment, this commitment. How much have I fulfilled which all of my commitments? And sometimes, circumstances may work in such a way that we have to do more in one particular relationship.
Sometimes we have to do more in another relationship. One problem with balancing is that we expect balance to be like one straight formula. Okay, morning I’ll do this, afternoon I’ll do this, evening I’ll do this.
Monday I’ll do this, Tuesday I’ll do this, Wednesday I’ll do this, Thursday I’ll do this. If we expect everything to work like a formula, then life is not like that. So, balance has to be dynamic, not static.
What that means is, suppose you are riding a bicycle. Now, the normal balance stage of the bicycle is the vertical stage. But then, if the road ends and you have to move right, then the balance stage of the cycle will be the right tilted stage.
But if you stay just in the right tilted stage, you just go around yourself. So, after you enter, then you again make a straight and then move onwards. And then later on when you find, okay, I want to go this direction, and I find there is a left road again, then I turn again, now there is an identical left, and then I move that way.
So, although the normal balance stage for cycle is the vertical stage, but depending on time-based circumstances, to keep moving forward, one may have to tilt left or tilt right. So, like that, we can have a broad pattern for our relationships. But then, there are situations when certain relationships will demand more time.
And neither we, nor our other devotees should think that, you know, this person will now become a loose devotee or this person will become, because there is an emergency in our family. Then, we have to spend more time with the family. So, then we should do that.
We should not think of that as mundane or anything like that. That’s our duty. We should do it.
And, even if you read Namrut, Prabhupada when he was at Rajasthan, at that time, there was a time when, one of his acquaintances, Allahabad, he met with him. At that time, Swamiji’s main concern was, how can I have a man? Although he was a very spiritual man, he was devoted to God, but that time his thought was, how can I have a man? How can I have a man? So, Prabhupada was at a particular phase in his life. At that time, financial concerns, he had to take care of his wife, he had to take care of his children, he had to get them educated, married.
So, that was important. So, we should not think in a very superficial way that just because there are certain situations when I require more time for my family, that means my bhakti has decreased. Nor should other devotees think like that.
Now, everybody will go through situations where, there will be there will be times when our material obligations will require more time. And we should do that. As I said, remember the example says, sometimes I have to turn left, sometimes I turn right.
But overall, I am going by the bicycle in the right direction. So, we can’t expect in our relationship a static balance. We need dynamic balance.
Dynamic balance means that in certain situations, when the circumstances demand, we can and we should spend more time in some relationships. And other relationships can be put in the background for that time. And other times we can shift the cycle left and shift it right.
So, like that, if we have a broad goal in mind, obviously, a person has to go in this direction, then you can turn left, turn right and still keep going in that direction. So, like that, if we are clearly purposeful about what we want to do in our life, then we can balance our relationships. So, to summarize, first is we can create a priority about which relationships are most important and then accordingly position our relationships for different levels of importance and plan how to give how much time and energy for this relationship in a broad sense.
But secondly, without becoming attached to the plan, we know that real life works in dynamic ways. So, we are open to existing. So, we have a broad schedule.
Within that schedule, when it’s demanded, we remain flexible so that we can act as the relationships require. This is a big and I would say more practical subject that each devotee will have to individually decide how to go about. This is the broad principle I would say.