Intention in Tension? – Principles for Sustainable Relationships

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna. I welcome all of you to this programme today evening. Today I will discuss some principles from the Bhagavad Gita for sensitive and sustainable relationships.
Sensitive and sustainable relationships. So in the 17th chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, 15th verse Krishna states Anudvegakaram Vakyam Satyam Priyahitam Jayat Swadhyaya Bhesanam Jaiva Vaanmayam Tapa Uchyate This is Vaanmaya Tapa. Austerity of speech.
Disciplining our speech means speaking in a way Anudvegakaram in a way that is non-agitating. We speak in a way that is non-agitating at the same time Anudvegakaram Vakyam Satyam That is truthful. Priyam Hitam Jaya That which is pleasing, that which is beneficial.
So it gives four characteristics. And then he gives one principle further Swadhyaya Bhesanam Jaiva Reciting scripture regularly is also an austerity of speech. Now words are at one level just simply some vibrations in the air.
Right now if I am speaking something actually speaking we will see that all that is happening is some sound vibration is coming some sort of sound is coming out from here and thus some vibration is going on in the space. That’s all that there is to it. But just those vibrations they can have profound effect.
Suppose I look at someone and say that you are a fool. The person may feel insulted. On the other hand if a mother tells a naughty child, you are a fool.
The same thing is being said but there is affection over there. So words, the power that they have or to take another example you know if a wife tells her husband, you don’t love me. The husband says, I love you.
Now the words are saying one thing but the tone is saying something entirely different. So how words convey meaning how words stimulate emotion this is something which is quite deep. It’s quite perplexing.
Philosophers of language they still deliberate over the question are words like a pipeline? Now if there is a pipe over here I put water from here, the water would come out over there. So or if you put like the electricity cable so I put electric current goes in from here, electric current comes out from here. So are words like units of thought and emotion that when I speak words I am sending out vibrations which are units of thought and emotion and they are simply in that sense transmitters of thought and emotion but on the other hand the same words can convey different meanings to different people.
So the meanings of words often change dramatically over the centuries not just centuries, even decades. So the same word can mean different things to different people. Now for somebody who is born in India an Indian means a person who is a resident of India but for someone who is mostly in America an Indian means an American Indian.
So the same word can have different meanings. Now so are words just the carriers of meaning or are words themselves the shapers of meaning? That means the same word you use in different context it means different things. So without going into the philosophy of language we will focus on the point that words have great power.
I said the words can cut sharper than swords. Sometimes when harsh words are spoken they can cause wounds which can scar people far far more because physical scars they can be healed in due course of time but emotional scars can sometimes go on for a whole lifetime. So at the same time there are exhortations where people say don’t take words so seriously.
There is a children’s nursery rhyme which says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. So the idea is that behind such a rhyme the idea is that when among the children are playing and sometimes one child may tease another child. So at that time children don’t take it so seriously that teasing that haunting just let it go away.
So after all words are not actually hurting you. Somebody throws a stone at you that may hurt you but words are not hurting you. So this is actually a call this rhyme is a call of conscious intention that means it is urging to us don’t take words so seriously that words are after all not sticks and stones which are hurting us physically.
So often the words we speak give people glimpses into our heart. Now when we observe someone we constantly naturally try to understand what is this person made of. So how do we judge people when we meet them? Basically by four criteria.
We judge them by how they look means how they are dressed, how they appear to be, how they look then how they speak a person’s speech often conveys their culture, their education, their thinking and further what they speak not just how somebody will speak in a very sweet and gentle way speaking all nonsense, meaningless stuff and then what they do, what is their profession after that of course we try to find out what are their connections but in general the speech of a person is often seen as a very important characteristic for understanding the character of the person understanding the nature of a person. So people can’t see our hearts. So when we speak words those words serve as windows to our hearts.
So based on the words that we speak people infer what is there in our heart and unfortunately sometimes under pressure sometimes under tension, under stress we may speak words that we don’t mean but those words spoken under tension can cause great wound on others, great damage to others they can scar or even break relationships so at such times when someone speaks something under pressure under tension, at that what is spoken in tension doesn’t reflect intention what is spoken in tension doesn’t reflect intention and if we ascribe intention to it we unnecessarily harm the relationship so I will talk about an incident from the Ramayana which illustrates this principle and then we will discuss about how we can apply that principle in our lives so now in the Ramayana when Ram, Lakshman and Sita are in the forest at that time one by one the demons they try to attack Ram and Ram defeats all of them so eventually Ravana makes a conspiracy with Maricha to have Sita abducted and as per the conspiracy Maricha takes the form of a deer and this deer is stunningly attractive and the deer comes and starts playing around in the frolicking near Ram’s cottage and Sita sees oh this beautiful deer so it catches the eye the deer itself is considered to be beautiful animal and this deer was especially beautiful so she weirdly calls Ram and Lakshman is by his side see this deer how beautiful it is oh Ram can you please get this deer for me as a pet and he says and if we can keep it by this time they are almost nearing the end of their forest exile only one and a half years are remaining so he says that then at the end of our exile we can take this back and then I can give it to your mother Kaushalya as a pet so when Sita is pointing out excitedly the deer to Ram Lakshman is peering at it and where Sita sees endearing beauty Lakshman sees disconcerting peculiarity he says he has seen so many deer till now no deer has been so beautiful so sometimes we say this is too good to be true so Lakshman says this is too beautiful to be real and then he says further Sita look around it you see that deer there are no other animals around it the birds are flying far away from it even the squirrels are going away from it a deer is not a predator there is no reason for the other animals to be afraid of a deer like this I think this deer is actually a demon who has taken on the garb of a deer now researchers have found that animals seem to have something like a sixth sense so for example whenever there are earthquake prone areas so quite often the dogs, the horses and the other domestic animals before an earthquake they seem to sense and they start becoming restless, they start becoming noisy and in many traditional societies in earthquake prone areas this abnormal behaviour of the animals is considered to be as a good predictor of an impending earthquake so now how exactly that happens is difficult to know but the Ramayana also reflects this point that animals have some capacities for perception that are not present in humans now Sita is too excited she says Lakshman you are very suspicious and she says oh Ram please get this deer for me now Ram looks at the deer, looks at Sita and he says how eager Sita is and he thinks Sita has given up so much for my sake she could have lived in the royal palace but she left it all and came just to be with me she has given up so much for my sake but what have I given her because I am in the forest I am not able to give her anything so if she wants this deer let me give it to her so he picks up his bow and arrow now Sita wants that deer as a pet so he doesn’t try to kill it he chases after it and seeing Ram coming the deer speeds away and Ram keeps chasing and as Ram closes in the deer suddenly the deer takes a giant leap and a leap that no deer would be capable of such a giant leap and sometimes Ram is just about to come and catch it just disappears and then suddenly appears at a distance as if he is playing with Ram as if taunting Ram and this happens repeatedly and Ram gets tired of his trickery he concludes Lakshman is right this deer must be a demon and then he becomes angry at the deception of the deer and he becomes wary of the danger that it may pose so he decides to shoot the deer and he takes his arrow and shoots now as that arrow pierces the body of this deer the demons have certain abilities by which they can change their forms even in modern novels there is a creature which is called a shape shifter often in fiction novels they talk about shape shifter means one who can take up different forms so now in general for the demons to exercise just like if somebody is carrying a heavy weight you need energy so if suppose your energy is lost then your heavy weight will fall down so like that for these shape shifting demons they need to have their own energy and power to be able to maintain a garb maintain a different form but when they are wounded and they are about to die they lose that power they are about to lose their life itself they are losing that power so their assumed form disappears and their natural form appears it’s like in Krishna Leela also the demoness Putana came as a nurse but when she was about to die suddenly her giant and ugly form came up so like this when Maricha is about to die at that time his natural form comes up and he is a demoniac form and he uses whatever little energy he has and calls out hey Lakshman, hey Sita calls out and the voice resonates far away and then here Lakshman and Sita are waiting and Sita is becoming more and more anxious seeing that Ram is not coming back and Lakshman don’t worry see Ram is alright and suddenly they hear this noise and Sita becomes besides herself with worry frenzy and she says Lakshman why are you standing here go immediately so Lakshman says no there is no need for me to go says Ram can never be in any danger don’t you remember O Sita how Ram alone killed thousands of demons at Janasthan and Ram is so powerful that no force in the whole three worlds can cause any danger to him what then to speak of one demon Ram has told me to stay by your side so I will be by your side and Lakshman says this Sita is so frantic so frenzied she somehow wants to goad Ram goad Lakshman to leave she thinks if anything happens to Ram and if there is no assistance to him what will happen and she just in one sense loses her mind and she speaks words that shatter Lakshman says O Lakshman now I know why you came to the forest you have lusty designs towards me and you came to the forest not to serve Ram but to wait for an opportunity to have your way with me and now with that Ram’s life in danger you are not going to help him so that if he is eliminated then you will have me but O wicked one know that you will never be able to have me I would rather die than be touched by a low creature like you Lakshman hears this and he is so aghast those words hurt him more than the sharpest arrows of the fiercest demons in the toughest battle that he has fought he reels back in horror and says O Sita you do not know what you are speaking but you do not even know your mind I cannot tolerate your words and therefore I leave you I know there is great danger in leaving you but I cannot be with you when you are speaking such words and he leaves there as he follows his brother’s trail into the forest suddenly he sees Ram rushing back and Ram says why did you leave Sita alone and Lakshman is embarrassed to even speak those words but then he speaks and Ram just brushes them aside she was anxious why did you take those words so seriously so now Lakshman he is both of them start thinking and they realise Ram says that there is actually a demon they immediately realise there is a conspiracy afoot that the demon’s appearance is a deer the demon is running away disappearing and the demon is impersonating Ram’s voice and then all this was a part of a conspiracy and Sita is goading Lakshman and Lakshman is getting hurt by that by this they had further become unwitting parts in the conspiracy and they realise Sita is in mortal danger and they rush back and they rush back at that time what happens is they see Sita has already been abducted now the next meeting between Sita and Lakshman is way way much later it is after the war gets over and nowhere in the Ramayan does Sita or Lakshman ever refer to this interaction again their parting has been very painful but when they meet again they just let the dead past bury its dead so Lakshman never blames Sita why do you have to speak such things he also understands that what Sita spoke was under tension, was in tension that had no intention in it sometimes when people speak certain words they may speak them under pressure and if we take them too seriously we can unnecessarily scar the relationship so the nature of human nature the nature of human nature is that we have a higher side and we have a lower side someone may say that we all have experiences that sometimes people speak to us in such a way that others can feel hurt terribly hurt I remember one of my relatives you know his mother had passed away and his father was struggling to take care of him and this young boy in school you know he had some studies and some pressure lot of studies and exam he had and he had told his father please wake me up early in the morning and somehow his father came exhausted and didn’t wake up and then the next morning when this boy woke up late you know he got so angry today I got my exam and you didn’t wake me up and he just spoke it would have been better if you had died instead of my mother completely shattered so how can you speak such a thing now he had no intention to mean that but what happens is sometimes under pressure we speak such words that they are very very heart breaking for others so what do we do in such a situation now somebody may say how could you have thought of such a thing how could you have spoken such a thing if you had spoken such a thing that means you must have thought it and if you thought it isn’t that you are culpable for that no the point is that actually there is now there is a wall over here something is there beyond that wall I can’t see it that wall acts as a barrier to our perception so similarly in our relationships we can see only others actions and others expressions we cannot see others thoughts we cannot see others emotions and this barrier in perception is actually a protector of relationships this barrier in perception is a protector of relationships how is that because if everyone could see every thought that went through everyone’s mind all of us the nature of human nature is that we have a higher side and we have a lower side so the darker side of all of us if everyone else could see no one would ever be able to trust anyone no one would be able to form any relationship with anyone now the this barrier in perception that is there that enables us to exercise self control yes I have a lower side but I will not act on my lower side so if we are to be judged by the thoughts that go through our mind if we are to be judged by the feelings that we may have occasionally then we would have to condemn ourselves first before condemning anyone else so it is this barrier in perception that is there that gives us opportunity for self improvement I have a lower side but I will not act on it I have a higher side I will act on that and we should not judge people based on our imagination of what their intentions are sometimes we see certain action this is the reason why this person must have spoken this and this is called by psychologist as attribution error attribution error means when we have a negative perception about someone when we see any behaviour we will attribute a negative cause to that for example if we see somebody eating a lot that person is a glutton on the other hand similar action when we like someone we attribute something positive to it and when we do something we attribute the most positive reason to it for example if I over eat somebody looks at me strangely and says I am hungry couldn’t the same apply to the other person but no what happens is we see actions and we attribute intentions to those actions and in this we often make invalid judgments incorrect judgments and thus we ruin relationships but not only that sometimes there may be an occasional lapse a person may normally be kind be gentle but occasionally there may be a lapse and rather than judging that person by that lapse we should judge the person by the normal track record so if we start judging people by their lapses then we can’t sustain any relationship because none of us is perfect none of us can say that we are flawless we all commit mistakes and the important thing is not that we judge each other by their mistakes but we judge them by their normal disposition so now going further as I said we have a lower side and we have a higher side so of course from the other perspective we should not say we speak harsh words and then we say I didn’t mean that if we start doing like that that will not work we should make the best effort that we don’t speak harsh words even when we are under tension that time also we try to be careful but it’s like suppose suppose many of you are from India or you have been in India so there are crowded locals maybe the local has a capacity of 50 people and there are 200 people in that local and when that happens somebody just move the elbow the elbow hit the jaw now that person has no intention to hit you so that is just an accidental jab so like that there can be accidental physical jab which we will overlook similarly there can be an unintentional verbal jab now that elbow jab it does hurt, it may cause bleeding also sometimes but still we don’t judge that we don’t judge another person based on that oh you are my enemy, you want to hurt me no not like that, we understand it happened accidentally similarly sometimes people may there may be accidental verbal jabs but suppose everyday we travel to someone and everyday that person gives a elbow jab and say I am sorry you are not sorry if you are sorry then you would correct you, you would avoid this say something happens habitually we cannot say that we cannot say that oh speaking harshly is my nature now that we need to control but occasionally there may be some lapses so we have a higher side and we have a lower side and the whole process of human culture is to develop our higher side now we talk about culture especially many Indians when they come out of India then they start valuing Indian culture little more because we feel we are losing it now now here the culture seems to be different and now our culture is in one sense like our blood our blood that means when it is normally flowing we don’t even notice it but when it starts getting lost we get panicked why is the blood coming out like this so like that when we start losing the culture then we start what’s happening, why is it happening like this so now when we talk about human culture in general what do we mean by culture is it simply the way people dress, is it the language in which people talk, is it the religious rituals that the people perform, is it the kind of movies that people watch no all these are a part of culture but essentially to understand the meaning of culture let’s look at its another usage in a different context there is what we call as if you know biology, bacteria culture there is yeast culture there is fungi culture now what does it mean, that basically means if there is bacteria culture that means that is a biochemical environment in which bacteria can grow nicely, grow well so similarly human culture is that environment in which humane qualities can grow nicely the human side of our person that can grow nicely that is human culture so that now what does it mean that our humane side, our human side grow nicely so if we see in general animals are driven by the survival instinct survival of the fittest that’s the governing principle in the animal kingdom now of course Shila Prabhupada the founder Acharya of ISKCON, he said that people talk about survival of the fittest, but ultimately even the fittest don’t survive no one survives, everybody has to die ultimately, but we human beings we also live in a competitive world where also to some extent there is survival of the fittest the student who gets the best mark gets into say ivy league university or the candidate with the greatest marks gets into your job there is that as a principle of existence but none of us considers that to be a noble principle, for example when the twin towers were falling so there were fire fighters who charged into the twin towers risking their lives to save those who had been victimised by the fire and eventually the towers collapsed, many of them died and now there if we think about survival of the fittest then the idea of fire fighters going inside the twin towers it is irrational, why would anyone do that? survival of the fittest means oh let me escape that don’t matter we don’t consider that to be wrong we don’t consider that to be foolish rather we consider it to be noble when somebody is drowning and someone jumps in and saves that person we consider it noble, heroic so there is a higher side to a human person and that is essentially centred on selflessness so as an operational principle, survival of the fittest may be true but as an ennobling as an uplifting principle the principle that we admire is sacrifice by the fittest so what happens is the fire fighters they sacrifice, they risk their life they sacrifice their life as being the fittest members to help those who are unfit and even today when people hear about how Hitler did the genocide did the genocide of the Jews and in general Hitler’s idea was anybody who is deaf anybody who is dumb anybody who is blind, anybody who is lame these people are unfit to live and he had developed a whole branch of science called eugenics and the whole idea of eugenics was we want to select the best human race and anybody who is unfit in any way eliminate them so systematically he had he had killed everybody who was in any way handicapped any way deficient and his plan eventually was that all the races except the German race is deficient are deficient, so the solution is either elimination or subordination either we eliminate them or we enslave them and dominate them now this, when people hear this, they are horrified how can you kill people like that just because they are not fit so if survival of the fittest were itself the governing principle, you would say fine no, but that there is a there is a side to our life to our human nature to our human person that is selfless so that is our higher side so human culture is that culture which brings out that social social environment that brings out our higher side so human culture is meant to bring out our higher side and to help us push it down to get rid of our lower side and with this purpose, when we keep this purpose in mind then many of the many of the tradition, many of the things that are there in a culture, they start making sense otherwise many things can appear simply restrictive so coming to our point about discussion about intention we are talking about speech the human culture is meant to create an environment in which our inclination towards good speech towards positive speech towards ennobling speech is raised and our inclination towards bad speech, towards denigrating speech towards negative speech is brought down, is suppressed so for example in most traditional cultures there is respect respect is an important part of culture where elders are respected people in people in any kind of position they are respected and that respect is not just a matter of just a matter of some tradition, that respect actually helps the proper course of interactions so here we see that in our lives when we go through various situations if as a matter of habit we avoid harsh speech, we learn to discipline our speech then even when we are under pressure we will not speak things which we will regret later but if as a matter of habit sometimes what people do is that there is one stress management workshop so what this stress management workshop was all about they said that when they came to stress management they said just you know your stress is cause the biggest, what is the biggest source of stress in your life most people said my boss some people said my spouse some people some people said oh its relative, its this its that, this so in the stress management they said ok now we are all going to provide you a means to relieve yourself of stress and stress what is that they took all of them to a room and there was a punching boxing bag imagine this to be the source of your stress and punch it out now and by that imagine this is your boss and punch your boss and I don’t know what they did with their spouse thinking like that that should not be done like that at all but the point is its not that we can put two faces when the boss is in front of us we are very sweet and gentle very respectful and behind the boss we do all kind of back biting what happens is when we do back biting that comes back to bite us sooner or later we can’t do such a thing if we let our speech go in a particular way then it will go in a particular negative ways not just at particular times it will go at other times also so the solution yes if somebody has we are angry with someone we are under pressure because of something now its natural that we can’t just suppress that anger we suppress that anger its like if there is a pressure cooker so you can keep that press down for some time but once the pressure increases more and more and more eventually it has to blow so unless lift it up and let the whistle blow otherwise the whole lid may blow so like that sometimes in relationships there will be pressure and when the pressure starts building up so there has to be a proper channel for release of that pressure if there is no channel for release of that pressure then it blows up completely so the culture is what provides a channel for releasing that pressure so for example in a traditional cultural setting there may be not just two family members living together there are elders in the family there are multiple relatives and then when we are upset with someone then at that time if we so there is pressure inside us we are resentful we are frustrated we are angry with someone but under the pressure of movement there is a saying that speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech that you will ever regret it will be a good speech a great speech but we will regret that speech why do I speak like that sometimes if we get angry and we speak certain things so once one of my friends he had his habit of getting very angry so one of his other friends he said that he said why are people so scared of me this person was asking so he said when you get angry you should become a different person no I am the same person so next time when he became angry he had a tape recorder in his pocket a mobile tape recorder and he recorded the whole thing and after that person cooled down he played the recording he was shocked I spoke such things how could I have spoken this so in the Greek tradition there is a saying that when the Gods want to destroy someone they make that person angry because when a person becomes angry that person does things by which they destroy themselves others don’t have to destroy them so the point is that when we get angry we often speak things which are terrible so it is not that we can first of all we cannot suppress if there is a lot of resentment or irritation or frustration we can’t suppress it by the same time if we express it we will often express it in a way which is very unhealthy which will only make things worse so there has to be some other way in which we express it so if there is some relative whom both the people, some acquaintance some relative whom both the people in the relationship trust you express the grievance to that person and then that expression cools one down and after one becomes calm then one can decide how best to express one’s emotions how best to do it in such a way that it makes the situation better not worse today we live in a culture where most families are nuclear families and because families are being nuclear the pressure on the husband wife relationship becomes too much because when there are multiple people in the relationship of course that can also create complications in its own way but there are too much expectations from each other when there are no other people to relate with and that’s why there is no easy way to in a cultured way release that pressure so either there is suppression of that pressure and its suppression cannot go on for a very long time it is suppress, suppress, suppress and then it comes out in a ugly form unrecognisably ugly form I don’t know I don’t know this was the person I was living with how could a person speak like this but what we need is a proper way of dealing with it so we have a lower side and we have a higher side if we strengthen our higher side then we can deal with the lower side without it becoming it coming out in ugly ways so our higher side can be nourished by connecting with the highest reality that is God, Krishna or Ram so to the extent its like if I am pulled down by something then I can hold on to something and that downward pull will be lesser but if someone pulls me up then the lower pull will be checked much more and I will rise upwards so like that there is a force within us which pulls us down and we also have a higher side by which we want to stay up or rise up now by our own efforts we will be able to do something but if we can connect with the higher reality that will enable us to resist our lower side so if we connect with the Lord, with Krishna we have a regular habit of praying especially chanting his holy names studying scripture studying the Bhagavata, understanding the wisdom therein, then all these nourish our higher side and when our higher side is nourished, then this is subtle it is like sometimes small children they are not ready to eat then the mother may tell them, oh you drink this milk eat this healthy food then you will get big muscles they have some cartoon hero with big muscles, I want to become like then the child takes one glass and drinks and then looks, oh my muscles are not grown yet so the muscles won’t grow like this so you have to keep eating it regularly eat it regularly, healthy food and gradually your muscles will develop so just like there can be physical body building which happens when there is regular healthy nutrition, similarly there is inner body building spiritual body building, inner body building means our higher side becomes stronger and our higher side becomes stronger when we regularly nourish it, so chanting the holy names of God this, when we were doing kirtan just now, the Hare Krishna Maha Mantra we did this is the way we nourish our higher side and the effect may not be seen seen in one day or two days but if we keep chanting regularly even for a few weeks then we will start seeing that say our short temper we will be able to deal with it better our irritability, our negativity, we will be able to deal with it better, it won’t disappear but we will get the inner resources to fight against it and we will be able to overall become more positive, more gentle more sensitive, so the connection with God is not just a religious ritual, yes some people may say it’s good to go to a temple that’s a part of our culture if we say that it’s a part of our culture, so we should do it some people may like to do it but nowadays the younger generation, it’s a part of your culture, not my culture they don’t necessarily feel that we should continue this culture so if we just use the argument of culture, this is our culture so we should do it, then not only others, we ourselves will not be able to sustain it for long, but we understand the purpose of the culture the purpose of the regular connection with God is meant to nourish our higher side and to empower us to keep our lower side under control and if we do this, so I was talking about how there is this pressure within and that needs to be released, so one way to release that pressure is by connecting with God when we chant the holy names, when we prayerfully remember Krishna, at that time we get higher spiritual fulfilment we get a higher satisfaction that releases the tension and then once we are lifted up like that, once we are calmed then we can deal with the situation more intelligently and more fruitfully, more constructively so this battle between our higher side and lower side, that is something which everyone of us has to individually win, nobody else can win this battle for us so to the extent we win it, to the extent we will become better human beings, we will become better husbands, better wives, better mothers, better fathers better sons, better daughters and to that extent we will be able to make positive contributions wherever we go and whatever we do so the connection with God helps to bring the best from within us our ability, I’ll conclude with this point, then we can have question answers our ability to tap our ability is enhanced by our spirituality our ability to tap our ability, we have certain abilities but if we do not have our lower side under control, if we don’t have our higher side strong enough like sometimes some people may be very talented but if they have very harsh, uncultured speech or unrestrained speech then that alienates people people can be talented but unless they have at least some basic level of interpersonal intelligence some basic capacity of relating with people, they cannot grow much in life one of the biggest paradoxes of today’s education system is that it trains us in technical information it trains us extensively in technical information but subsequently when we go into our career and into our family life, their success doesn’t depend on the ability to recollect technical information success depends on ability to deal in interpersonal relationships and that is not just a matter of some skills you can read some books on how to win friends or things like that that is all ok but if you want to truly develop relationships, you need to develop inner substance and that inner substance is developed when we connect with the supreme spiritual substance that is Krishna, God so our ability to tap our ability will be enhanced when we connect with God and the purpose of our spiritual culture is to enhance that connection and thereby enhance our contribution so I’ll summarise, I started by talking about how speech is mysterious how some sound vibration that goes to the atmosphere how it can evoke a wide variety of emotions in different people so speech at one level it’s very intangible but at another level it can cause tangible damage so words can hurt more than swords, can cut deeper than swords and at the same time we can also avoid taking words seriously as I said in that sticks and stone may break my bones but words can never hurt me so now we all can, when we are in tension, speak words which we have no intention about and that elaborately I explained through the past time of Sita speaking harshly to Lakshman and when such things happen so now we can talk from two perspectives or I talk from two perspectives one is that if we are the injured party and the other is if we are the injurer so if we are the injurer party, somebody has spoken something to us which is very, very terrible then we shouldn’t hold that as a judge of that person as a barometer of that person’s intention and even if somebody has spoken something like that it’s just an occasional lapse that person is generally kind and well behaved towards us, we should just put that aside like an occasional elbow jab in a crowded train and we can’t see people’s hearts we can’t see their thoughts and emotions and that is an opportunity for all of us to put down our lower thoughts and emotions and bring out our higher thoughts and emotions and if we happen to be the injuring party then we should not justify oh I just spoke and I didn’t mean it we should actually strive zealously to guard our speech and we need to if we talk in a rude or harsh or sarcastic way on a regular basis then under tension at that time we will burst out in even more ugly ways so discipline of speech needs to be done regularly so that there won’t be ugly outbursts under tension and then we discussed about this lower side and higher side how human culture means the social environment that brings out our human qualities, that brings out our human side and what is this human side there is the animal side within us which is driven by survival of the fittest if I am stronger than you, I can hurt you and you can do nothing about it I am your boss I will speak whatever I want to you and you just have to accept it, that is the animal instinct but the higher side is sacrifice of the fittest how the fitter are ready to give up for the sake of the unfit and I discussed about eugenics and WTC and twin towers as an example for that and then I explained that our higher side can be brought out when we connect with the highest reality that is Krishna so to the extent we regularly connect with Krishna to that extent we will be able to, that is like our inner body building and the effect may not be immediate and the effect of bhakti bhakti as a process is evolutionary, now everyday we chant the names of God, every week we come to satsang, we find that it is evolutionary it is a slow growth, the process is evolutionary but the result is revolutionary now if you keep practising you will see that within a few months there is such a big difference I was like that, now such a positive change has happened in me and that change we can all make in our lives and to the extent we can by our connection with God bring out our higher side, then we can become better in all our relationships and we can make the best contribution, so our ability to tap our ability is enhanced by our spirituality. Thank you very much are there any questions?