Managing stress coming from disorganization disposition destiny and decision

[Congregation program at London, UK]

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Nithyanandam.
Hare Krishna. Thank all of you for coming here today evening. And I will speak on the topic of managing stress.
And I will talk about stress that comes from four sources. And I will talk about how to deal with each of them. Four is disorganisation.
Stress can come because of disorganisation. Stress can come because of disposition. Some people are just inclined in particular ways.
Stress can come because of destiny. Just put in certain circumstances that are stressful. And stress can come as a result of decision.
You might decide to do something, even when it involves taking up some stress. And each of these will require the appropriate responses. So, I will come to that.
Disorganisation, disposition, destiny, and decision. So, basically, firstly, what do we mean by the word stress? Let’s start from the physical side of it. When, say, if there is a table which can hold a certain amount of weight, and when more than its capacity of weight is put, then that table, physically, it comes under stress.
And then it may bend or it may break. So, stress basically means that when there is exposure to something which is beyond one’s capacity to sustain. That’s what, in a physical sense, is called a stress.
As the word is used in today’s environment, stress refers to two things. It refers to emotions. I’m feeling stressed.
When we just have too many things to do or the problems we are facing are too big. So, stress at one level is a perception. I just have too many things to do.
And secondly, stress also refers to the physical effects of that perception. So, for example, somebody’s blood pressure shoots up. Somebody’s… they start getting heart palpitations.
There are physical symptoms which also result. So, now, when physical symptoms start resulting, then certain physical interventions may be required. You know, people take some medicines or whatever, if it’s happening at a physical level.
But usually stress is one of those phenomena which primarily originate in the mind. And then they have physical effects. So, if we just only treat the physical effects without treating the mind, then it doesn’t work.
And nowadays, there is a tendency even to try to treat emotions through medication. Say, for example, when people have anxiety, then they take tranquillizers. When they feel depressed, they take antidepressants.
Now, if there is a specific structural or neurological problem in the brain functioning, then medication is fine. But otherwise, the attempt to find chemical solutions to human problems, it is a flawed attempt. Human problems means all of us, just by living as human beings, are going to face problems.
There is going to be anxiety, there is going to be adversity, there is going to be loss. And we all have to grow as human beings to face these. And when we try to medicate away these problems, then we are denying ourselves the opportunity for human growth.
So, medication may be a solution in specific cases where there are clear structural or biological issues. But otherwise, we need to learn to face stress and grow through that. So, let’s look at what causes stress.
First could be simply disorganisation. Disorganisation means that, say, if I have to travel on a journey, and sometimes when people travel on a journey, they take a suitcase, but they want to pack their full house into the suitcase. They want to take practically everything in the house in the suitcase.
And packing everything in the house in the suitcase, it looks impossible because it is impossible. So, that means that basically the suitcase has a finite capacity. And if I don’t plan properly, I cannot fit everything that I want to take into the suitcase.
So, like that, no one in the world ever has the time to do everything that they want to do. Absolutely no one. I mean, the most successful people in the world, be they materially successful or spiritually successful, they all have 24 hours a day in their life.
And therefore, we all need to learn to prioritise. So, disorganisation means that when there is a lack of prioritisation, then we just keep doing things which are which are urgent. So, our whole life goes in a perpetual fire-fighting mode.
This fire is set off, so it’s time to fight it off. Try to extinguish. That fire is set up over there.
Extinguish that. That fire is set up over there. Extinguish that.
Now, the nature of life is fires will come on. And if the fires get lit, that means problems suddenly come up, we have to deal with them. But now, if crises or emergencies are becoming a daily occurrence, then that means what needs to be examined is our own way of functioning.
Crises do come in life. But there has to be an overall structure within which we learn how to face problems, face unexpected situations. So, sometimes we make plans, and when we make plans, we just try to micromanage everything.
And when we try to try to micro-plan our life like that, it just doesn’t work. Life comes in the way. And when that kind of planning doesn’t work, we go to the other extreme and think, I’ll not plan only.
Because anyway, plans don’t work. So, now, from the Bhagavad Gita’s perspective, there are three modes of material nature. There is goodness, passion, and ignorance.
Sattva guna, rajo guna, and tamma guna. And these three modes are basically, they signify different ways of thinking. So, in the mode of goodness, when we function, we primarily focus on on contemplation, on thoughtfulness before action.
So, the one way we put it, the difference is that some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, and some people wonder what happened. So, those who are in goodness, they think, they plan, they make things happen. But people who are in passion, they try to do one thing, because they don’t plan properly, this one thing leads to that problem, that problem.
We say one thing, and that person thinks like that, and that person tells it like that, and that person says, what happened? How did things go so wrong? How did this small issue become so complicated? Some people just watch things happen. And some people are just like in a stupor, wonder what happened, what’s going on? They are not actors in their life, they are spectators in their life. They are simply spectators, just watching things happen.
So, now, basically when we try to micro-plan our life, we are functioning in the mode of passion. In the mode of Rajoguna, we want to do everything our way. We want to be the controllers.
Ishwaro aham aham bhogi. Krishna says that. I am the controller, I am the enjoyer.
And it’s just not possible for us to control everything, because we are not God. So, trying to control everything is a characteristic of the mode of passion. And trying to just not control anything, and just give up, not try to do anything, abandoning everything, abandoning all responsibility, that is in the mode of ignorance.
So, we are trying to micro-plan, and try to no plan at all. This is oscillating from passion to ignorance. Now, in goodness, we understand that plans may not work, but planning works.
What is the difference between plans and planning? Plans mean specific. I’ll do this at this time, I’ll do this at this time, I’ll do this at this time. Now, that does not work, because life often comes up with unpredictable things.
But planning means that we get a general sense of direction. That is. Now, this one, two, three, four, five, these are things which are important in my life, this is what I need to do.
And now, when exactly I do this, which day I do which more, which day I do which more, that is adjustable. Planning basically uses a sense of direction. And then we can adjust accordingly.
So, in life, if, say, if I want to go from place A to place B, this is the route I have planned. But if there is a lot of traffic over here, then I may not go by this route. Because I know where I am going, my destination is clear.
So, okay, if there is too much traffic in this point, I can go this way, I can go left, I can go right, then I can again turn back, and again I can come back on the same track. So, when there is planning, then we can adjust and adapt when something unpredictable happens. And still keep moving onwards in the same direction.
So, when there is no planning at all, then we just try to do things our way. When they don’t work, we just give it up. I want to get there, I’m not able to get there, find the traffic, I’m not going there only.
It becomes like that. Now, even when we are disorganised in our life, then stress comes because I’m trying to control too many things, and there are many things which are just beyond my control. Then I try to fit too many things in my schedule, I try to make everything work my way.
It doesn’t work, it causes stress. On the other hand, if I work… Krishna, please come. So, on the other hand, if I just leave everything, abandon responsibility, then eventually things do pile up on me.
Because ultimately who is going to do things? I have to do things sooner or later. Then also I feel stressed, I have not done anything at all. Like say a student is studying for the exam, I want to study like this, like this, like this, make a full plan.
And then, one or two days later, they not only forget to implement the plan, they even forget what was the plan I made. Because the mind just works so unpredictably that it just erodes away, it just eats away our resolutions. So then, I just not worry about it.
But when the exams come, the worry has to be there. Okay, I have to study, how will I study? And again stress comes up. So stress may come up because… stress may come up because we are trying to either control things too much or stress may come up because… stress may come up because we just let go too much and then again afterwards the issues pile up.
So if there is disorganisation in our life, then sooner or later stress is going to come up. And disorganisation has to be dealt with by… by not just planning or organising but actually the more we come to the mode of goodness, then organising becomes natural. So because when we are in the mode of goodness and as a praguna, the mode of goodness is a mode of detached involvement.
In the mode of passion, there is attached involvement. In the mode of ignorance, there is disinvolvement. There is no involvement at all.
But disinvolvement is not detachment. Disinvolvement means I don’t care only. Disinvolvement is often a responsibility.
Detachment means I am not emotionally obsessed with this. These two are very different. So when there is stress that is caused by disorganisation, then the more we come to the mode of goodness, we learn to organise ourselves better.
So the spiritual practises of bhakti, they naturally bring us to the mode of goodness. And when we come to the mode of goodness, to sattva guna, we can minimise the stress that is caused by disorganisation. Now there are many practical tools for organising ourselves that we may use.
And that is just a matter of practical learning. So I won’t go into that right now. But if there is disorganisation, then no matter how little we have to do, still we will have stress.
If we don’t learn to organise, the small task becomes big, it becomes burdensome. So to some amount of organisation, it’s valuable to learn that. So that’s stress by disorganisation.
It’s caused by disorganisation. By planning, by not being attached to the plans, but by planning to get a general sense of direction, we can deal with that disorganisation and the stress resulting from it. What is the second cause of stress I mentioned? Disposition.
So disposition means that there are some people who just like to do a lot. There are some people, say for example, somebody has a capacity to lift 5 kg weight. Small child.
Somebody has a capacity to lift 25 kg weight. So like that, we can see different physical capacities based on different muscle strengths, different physical sizes. This difference is easy to understand.
But like that, different people have different levels of psychological strength. By psychological strength, I don’t mean that those who don’t have psychological strength are necessarily lacking in character. It is just a trait.
Just like some people have stronger muscles, some people don’t have strong muscles. So like that, some people not only have a capacity to do a lot of things, they have a need to do a lot of things. If they don’t have a lot of things to do, what am I doing with my life? In the Bhagavatam, there is a story of a demon, Banasur.
He had 100 hands. He didn’t know what to do with 100 hands. So he couldn’t find anything.
So he was just pounding boulders and stones with the 100 hands because they needed some engagement. So the point of such narratives is that if we have certain capacities, then I just feel driven to act. And in such situations, if the person does not take up something which is adequately challenging, the disposition is to do a lot of things and the person is put in a state of say artificial lessened activity, then often those people will subject themselves to unnecessary anxieties coming from the mind and senses.
So when there is a particular kind of disposition, it cannot be wished away. Some people like more peaceful, reflective life. Some people like a more active, stimulating, challenging life.
It is not that one is good and one is bad. It is just that for one person, why do you need to do so much? Why are you burdening yourself so much? Other person will feel that’s what makes them feel alive. They’re not doing it.
They feel what am I doing with my life? They feel I’m not doing enough. So this individual difference in the capacity, not just the capacity, but also the need to do things, that is something which we all need to acknowledge. So something may be unmanageable for me, but that same thing may not only be manageable for someone else, but that’s what is essential for them.
So by disposition, some of us are of particular natures and when we recognise our disposition, when we recognise other people’s disposition, then we can learn to adapt ourselves appropriately. Just like say there are some people for whom doing something is very easy. Some people say come to a temple and they see a kirtan going on and they pick up a kartal and they start playing.
Naturally they start playing and they have an innate sense of music and they play and play well. And there are some other people you know they come to a temple and they look at kartal, how is this person playing so well? The worst category, most troubling category is there are some people who just don’t get it. And they feel why don’t I get it? But the most troubling are the people who don’t get it that they haven’t got it.
That means that means they come and start playing the musical instrument and they are not playing it right. They are playing it wrong, but they are thinking they are playing it right. So they are thinking I am playing instrument, I am playing a nice sound and everybody around is miserable.
What are you doing? Stop it! So so when I said that there is a disposition disposition means some people just are musically disposed. They have the disposition where just get music immediately. For other person music is very difficult to get.
So there are some people like that for whom they have a certain level of capacity and a certain level of need to deal with stress and to take up a lot of things in life and to manage those things. So all of us have different psychological natures and recognising our own psychological nature and adapting our life accordingly and recognising someone else’s psychological nature and giving them room to adapt themselves to live according to their nature. That is vital so that we ourselves don’t feel stressed but other people are also allowed to live in the way they need to live.
So some people are intellectual. Now when they are intellectual, they like things which are intellectually challenging and something is presented in an intellectually stimulating way they like it. Other people are not intellectual.
So when things are presented in an intellectually challenging way, what is this? Can’t you make things simple? So yes, there are different people with different needs. And for people who are very intellectual if things are made very simple there is no fun in this. For those people who are not intellectual, if things are presented very intellectually why do you make things so complicated? So it is said that the shoe that fits one leg bites another leg.
A shoe that fits one leg that bites another leg because different people have different leg sizes. So each person needs to wear the shoe that fits their size, fits their leg. So like that just as different people can carry different quantities of weight.
Now somebody may be able to carry a heavy bag. Somebody else may just drag their bag along. Somebody else may say I can’t carry it.
I need a porter for carrying this. So different people just have different capacities. So like that we all need to recognise what is my capacity? What is my need? And accordingly adjust our life.
So if we have if we have a nature by which we need to do a lot of things we feel driven to do a lot of things and the people who feel driven to do a lot of things, they are forced. Don’t take up so much. Don’t do so much.
Then what happens? Then instead of taking up stress themselves they take stress and they will strive. But they are put in an artificial restrained environment. Don’t take stress.
Then they cause stress to others because they are dissatisfied, they are irritated and they cause trouble to others. So they just allow to thrive in their own way. Then they grow and over a period of time they also adapt.
This is the stress I want to take. This is becoming too much. But the most damaging is the third category.
The third category is the first is people who like to take stress and they thrive in it. By stress I mean they want to have a lot of things to do. The others, they are readily contented and they want to keep things simple.
It’s not that they don’t want challenges, but they don’t want to have their life excessively exciting. But the third category is where people don’t have the capacity to take up stress but they want to take up. So it’s like somebody who can’t play music but they think they can.
They cause the greatest problem to everyone. And this often happens when we make someone else as our ideal or model literally. When we try to imitate someone else too much.
We all have certain models, conscious or subconscious about how I want to be. And yes, it is good to take inspiration from others. But, inspiration is one thing and imitation is another thing.
So, when we try to imitate, we are basically denying our own uniqueness. We are denying the creativity of God who has made each of us unique. If God had wanted us to be someone else, He would have made someone else.
He has made you you, He has made me me. So all that we need to do is I need to become the best me and you need to become the best you. I don’t need to become you and you don’t need to become me.
So, when we allow ourselves to be too much influenced by others and literally try to imitate them, that is when we slip into the third category. When we don’t have the capacity or we don’t even have the need, actually speaking, to have a lot of things to do in our life. But we just imitate others.
He is doing like that, she is doing like that, I want to do like that. So again, here also, when we practise spirituality, when we chant the holy names, when we study scriptures, by this what happens is we understand ourselves better. When there is darkness at that time, if you get a torchlight, then you can see, oh, there is a sofa here, there is a door there, there is a wall here.
And then we know where to go. So spiritual practises, such as meditation and scriptural study, they comprise an antarjyoti, an inert torchlight. And they help us to understand who we are.
What is my actual need? What are my talents? What are my limitations? We learn to see these objectively. If our vision is too externally directed, then we see somebody like whom I want to be. And then even if I don’t have the talent that they have, I deny that I don’t have the talent.
I say, I have to become like that. I’ll become like that. Or if we have some strength, we don’t even notice that because we think, I have to become like that.
So by spiritual practises, there is the antarjyoti, the inert torch that we get. And by the inert torch, we learn who we are. And when we understand who we are, our current existence is three-dimensional.
There’s the body, there’s the mind, and there’s the soul. So we are at our core spiritual beings, but we have a certain kind of mind and a certain kind of body. So we understand better what kind of body I have, what kind of mind I have.
And based on that, we learn to function. So rather than simply trying to imitate someone who has a different body and a different mind, and who is a different soul, so I understand who I am, and I function accordingly. So the stress that comes by disposition, that means when I don’t recognise my disposition, and I try to act like someone else, then that causes stress.
In 3.35 in the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna says that it is far better to work according to one’s own nature, rather than trying to work according to someone else’s nature. So when we stop trying to be someone else, and when we stop trying to make someone else like us, both ways it works. I try to become like someone else, and I try to make someone else like me.
Both ways, it causes stress. When I understand this is what I am, this is what this person is. And then we accept ourselves.
Accepting ourselves doesn’t mean that we just don’t try to improve ourselves. Accepting ourselves means that if I understand this is where I am, and from here I can improve myself. I don’t imagine that I am someone else, and I don’t try to become like someone else.
I try to simply become the best me. So the stress that comes by disposition is when we don’t understand our disposition and try to act in a way which is unnatural to us. So if a person is intellectual, gets too much into money dealings, they’re just not made for that.
A person who is, who has a mind of a businessman, and they get into intellectual work, what is this? I’m not interested in this. We have to find out what our particular disposition is and function accordingly. Then the stress goes down substantially by that.
That was the third we’ll discuss. We discussed stress by first was stress by we discussed just now stress by disposition. Now we’ll move on to stress by first was discrimination, disposition, and now destiny.
Stress by destiny means that sometimes we all go through phases in our life. We all go through phases in our life. Then our troubles will be more.
Just like say if you’re driving on the road, sometimes there might just be stormy weather. So when the storm has come, all that we can do is settle except the storm is there. So like that in the journey of our life, sometimes by destiny, difficulties come up.
And when those difficulties come up, that time there will be stress. The difficulties may be somebody meets with an accident, somebody suddenly loses a job, or somebody somebody whom we trusted, they betray us. These sort of things happen in life.
Now when we did not do anything to cause a problem of that magnitude, when we did not do anything at all or we did not do anything which would cause that magnitude of problem, then we have to understand that some things have simply happened by destiny. And when a problem comes by destiny, naturally we were not prepared for it. It just suddenly came from like a bolt out of the blue.
So at that time, when the problems come by destiny, the best way to deal with them is just tolerate. Shastras in the Bhagavad Gita terms the Diksha Svabhārata. Therefore, tolerate it, Arjuna.
Now what does tolerate mean? It’s like if a storm is coming, then what can I do? If it is very stormy, if I can’t drive out at that time, what do I do? Just wait. Tolerate it and wait. When there is a storm, we are concerned how the storm is there.
But we are not worried what if the storm stays forever. No storm is going to last forever. Storm is there.
And therefore, after that it will go. So sometimes in our life, too many problems come from too many directions. Too many things start going wrong.
So at that time, that stress is something which is just unavoidable. Just tolerate it. Now, there is a kind of leech which when it bites, it’s scary because you can feel the tentacles of the leech going inside the body and sucking out the blood.
But does leeches have such a strong grip that if you try to pull out the leech, it will actually rip out the whole skin. It will not let go. But if we just let the leech do its work, the leech’s blood sucking capacity is not infinite.
It has its tubules. Once the tubule is filled, then the leech itself lets go. And after it has flicked, it falls off.
So like that, sometimes when a problem comes in our life, when we start getting stressed by that, if at that time we give in to a knee-jerk reaction, we overreact. So, that is like trying to pull out the leech. When we let our emotions drive our actions, and you did like that, I’m going to do like this to you.
Under stress, if we act, especially if we take major decisions when we are under stress, then we often end up making things much worse. What is happening? It’s like the leech is there, the leech is going to cause some damage to me. But when I try to pull out the leech, it causes far greater damage.
Sometimes when a problem is there, just wait it out. The problem is there for some time, we try to address it, we try to tackle it, just things seem to be getting worse. Just wait it out.
Sometimes the more we try to solve a problem, the more it seems to get aggravated. Somebody has some misunderstanding, and we try to clarify it, and they counterattack, and then we clarify, and they counterattack. And it just goes on and on and on.
Just put an end to it. Now tolerance does not mean that we don’t do anything. Tolerance doesn’t mean that we let other people trample on us.
Tolerance doesn’t mean that we just become passive. Tolerance simply means that we keep small things small, so that we can focus on big things. Tolerance means that we keep small things small, so that we can focus on big things.
So in the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna to tolerate. Tolerate temporary pleasure and pain. But then Krishna doesn’t tell Arjuna that the Kauravas, they committed so many atrocities to you, you tolerate that also.
No, you have to take assertive action. You are a martial guardian of society. If it’s required, you have to take assertive action.
You have to fight. But tolerate. Tolerate means if there are small things, keep them small, so that you can focus on big things.
Sometimes stress comes by destiny. Now what do I exactly mean by the word destiny? See, in every situation that we face in life, results are not simply sometimes we think A is the action and B is the result. I did this action, it produced this result.
It may appear like that but actually actions, reactions are not simply a linear chain where the action produces the result, not the reaction, result. So I do something and that second thing results. It’s not always like that.
There are many other factors involved. Let’s start with the agrarian metaphor. When a farmer ploughs the land and sows the seed.
That is the work that the farmer is doing. And then the result that the farmer expects is that I want a good harvest. But there are other factors involved.
In Sanskrit, there is a word karma. Karma is the farmer sowing the land and ploughing the land and sowing the seeds. And the phala, the result that they want is harvest.
But in between karma and phala, there are two more factors. There is daiva and there is kala. Daiva is destiny and kala is time.
So daiva means that after the land is sown, after the land is ploughed, then rains have to come. Appropriate magnitude at the right time. The rains coming is destiny.
And if the rains come after that, the right amount of time has to pass. It’s not today I sow the seeds, today night the rains come, tomorrow I got crops. Isn’t it? Time has to pass.
And after the due passage of time, then the results come. So sometimes the farmer may do a perfect job of ploughing. But if the rains don’t come, the results won’t come.
So now there is nothing wrong with what the farmer has done. Karma is there. But if the daiva, the destiny is not there, then the phala, the result will not come.
So there is karma, our part, but then there is something beyond us, which may happen or may not work out. So the bhagavatam is the example that sometimes a couple desire to have a child. Sometimes, despite their best effort, they don’t have a child.
Sometimes after the effort, they get a child. So their effort to have a child is the karma. But then they’re conceiving the child, that is daiva.
And after the child is conceived, it’s not that the child is going to evolve tomorrow. It is kala, time has to pass. The gestation period is there.
And after that, the child is the phala. So sometimes, that means, in everything that we do, or every result that we seek, there is something that is in our control and something that is not in our control. And that which is not in our control is determined by destiny.
Now destiny itself is a big subject, but essentially, destiny is not something which is arbitrary or whimsical. Destiny itself is the sum total of the results of actions that we have done in the past. So the good that we have done comes as good destiny.
That means things work out nicely when we try to do things. And the bad that we have done, that comes off as a bad destiny. If you try to do things, but things don’t work out.
So we go through phases in our life. Sometimes when the destiny is good, sometimes when the destiny is bad. Sometimes in sports, sports is very performance driven.
But even sports players know that performance matters, but performance is not all that matters. Sometimes even the best of say, batsmen, go through a patch of bad form. At that time, every single thing seems to go wrong.
They play one shot and they are given out although they are not out. Or they are about to play good form and suddenly there is some misunderstanding and the other player runs them out. Or they are playing very well and suddenly they get injured.
They are playing very well and at that time rains come and the match gets called off. So so many things can go wrong. So even players know that their performance matters, but their performance is not all that matters.
There are things beyond them also that matter. So like that sometimes by destiny things may go wrong. And when things go wrong in this way, if we just don’t this is going wrong.
Prabhupada writes in in a Bhagavatam that there is nothing to regret when things are beyond human control. If a storm has come and I am not able to go for an appointment, there is nothing to regret in that. It is just beyond my control.
So when we don’t recognise the role of destiny then what happens? We start blaming ourselves for things that are not in our control and that causes inordinate stress. The modern ethos is of self-determination. Self-determination means that I can do whatever I want to do.
If I want to climb this mountain, I will climb this mountain. If I want to become this kind of champion, I will become that kind of champion. So now this idea it may seem very liberating I can do whatever I want to do.
But it is also very burdening. If I think that I am the sole architect of my success then I become the sole culpable person for my failure. If I take credit for my success, then I have to take the blame for my failure.
But just as I understand that success doesn’t result by my efforts alone. My efforts matter. But so many other things need to work out for the success to come.
Sometimes if I acknowledge this that there are factors beyond me which also shape results, then we can get a sense of perspective. Otherwise we just get too overwhelmed when we are going through unfavourable phases in our life. We will all go through difficult patches when things will seem to go wrong.
At that time if we start taking things too personally Now say we are just in a crowded train or a crowded alleyway and somebody just runs by and they push us. Why? How dare you push me? Just start shouting at that person. That person has already gone ahead not even hearing what we are saying.
Now probably that person was having some worry, some stress, some emergency and they just pushed us by. So it is, yeah, we were discomfited. We may have fallen down also.
But there is no need to take that very personally. That just happened. So like that, you know, we don’t have to take everything that happens in life personally.
Sometimes just because of the whole pattern of life, because of destiny, things go wrong. It’s not that somebody is against us. We are just going through a bad patch in our life.
And just as the bad patch, the storm ends similarly, the bad patch will also end in due course. That is stress by destiny. So the best way to deal with stress by destiny is just tolerance.
That means this circumstance is temporary. I have a bigger purpose in my life. Even if sometimes I get success, sometimes I get failure, I will keep moving on.
And this is where a spiritual purpose for life helps us. Because if I have only material purposes for my life, if my purpose in life is to become a great sports star, a great cricketer, a great football player or whatever, and suppose I get an injury which prevents me from playing, what is the use of my life? What am I to do? If my goal of life is to be a great speaker and I get some throat problem that prevents me from speaking, what do I do with my life? So if our life has only material purposes, then sometimes destiny may seem to cripple us. You may start thinking, what am I living for? But when I have a spiritual purpose for life, when I understand that I am a part of the whole, that God, Krishna is the whole, I am His part, and there are different ways in which I can connect with Him, there are different ways in which I can love Him, different ways in which I can serve Him.
So if not this, then this. If not this, then this. So the spiritual purpose to life can never be thwarted.
Although specific material ways of doing things may be thwarted. So if we don’t have that spiritual purpose, then destiny will cripple us. But if we have a spiritual purpose, then even if there is unfavourable destiny, we just adjust and find a way ahead.
So it says the Ganga, the river always keeps moving towards the ocean. Sometimes there is a big boulder in the way. And the river either goes left and moves on, goes right and moves on, goes below and moves on, goes above and moves on.
Or sometimes it just erodes the rock and moves on. So like that, then we understand that ultimately our purpose is to connect with God, to contribute in the mood of service to Him. Then even if I can’t contribute in one particular way, we don’t let that lock us.
We find some other way to move on. So the tolerance of unfavourable circumstances when destiny comes, the tolerance will decrease the stress. But we will be able to tolerate when we have a spiritual purpose to life.
And the last is the stress that comes by decision. By decision means sometimes we may feel that something is important in my life. And I decide that I am going to do this even if it causes me stress.
So stress itself is not bad necessarily. Just like say when a couple decide to have a child. At that time they decide to have a child, having a child, especially the first few months or the first few years, throw the whole schedule off track.
The child has its own biological cycle which has nothing to do with our time cycles. Anytime the child wakes up, anytime the child sleeps, anytime the child cries, the child is like an alarm clock which goes off at any time. That happens.
Then it’s often for the mother, for the father, whoever is taking care, it’s stressful. But then avoiding stress is not the primary purpose of life. If the mother simply wanted to avoid stress, they would not have a child at all.
But then there is a purpose higher than avoiding stress. The purpose is offering love, relishing love. So sometimes we have a purpose which is higher for us.
And at that time we make a decision. Even if this causes me some stress, still I will do it. So at that time if you take up some responsibility, make some commitment, every responsibility, every commitment means that it will bring some stress with it.
But then that, the purpose of life is not simply to avoid stress. The purpose of life is to do something valuable in our life. It’s just like when a person is sick.
When they are seen sick and whatever hand they move the hand slightly, they feel pain. They move the neck, they feel pain. Whatever they do, they feel pain.
And at that time they may feel, even if I can just stop moving, I will become free from pain. Now to stop moving entirely is impossible. But suppose they succeed somehow to stop all motion, what next? They stop all motion, they’ll feel no more pain.
But then they’ll want to do something after that. Because just to be painless is not the purpose of life. They want to be pain-free so that they can do something in life.
So like that, sometimes if we make just seeking a stress-free life as the goal of life, that will not work. Now the point of life is not just to have a stress-free life, the point of life is to have a purposeful life. And for fulfilling some higher purpose, sometimes we may take up activities that may involve some stress.
Now when Srila Prabhupada, he was living in India, in the holy Dham of Vrindavan, and he was blissfully absorbed in Krishna. But then he left Vrindavan to come, to go to America. And from America at the age of 70, he travelled all over the world.
That caused, now travelling to different places, that caused stress, that caused anxiety. But he took it up because there was a higher purpose. His purpose was to share the spiritual wisdom of bhakti with others.
So when there is, when we make a decision, this is what matters to me, and this is where I want to make a contribution, then we may take up stress. Even in this situation, if our attitude is, I don’t want to have stress. The point is not just to avoid stress, the point is to, main thing is to avoid unnecessary stress.
Sometimes some stress is necessary for doing something constructive in life, for making a valuable contribution. And in that situation, when we practise bhakti, when we connect with Krishna through the practise of bhakti, then we, our life becomes spiritually purposeful. Sometimes we have so many things to do, A, B, C, D, and it may seem like our bhakti practises are just one more thing to do.
You know, I go to the temple, I do this chanting, I study the scriptures, I already have so many things, and this is one more thing to do. But it’s not like that. Although in an external sense, it may appear as if our devotional practises are just one more thing to do.
But there’s a big difference. When you do devotional activities, from the time schedule point of view, they may take time, and they may feel that my already packed schedule is being further burdened. But what happens by our bhakti practises is that by chanting the holy names of Krishna, by studying scripture, we get internal spiritual foundation.
So, all of us, we worry. Now, do all of us have a daily worry time? Naturally. Evening 7 to 7.30 is my worry time.
Nobody allocates any worry time in their schedule. But worry is like a constant background noise that saps our energy. Now, when we start practising bhakti, we understand that usually material consciousness, we just have, in the material perspective of life, we have only two options.
We have two ways of looking at things. Things are in my control, or things are out of control. When things are in my control, I feel confident.
I feel happy. When things are out of control, I feel panicky. I feel stressed.
But, when we practise bhakti, when we adopt an internalised spiritual worldview, when we understand that things that are out of control, things that are out of my control, are not out of control. They are in Krishna’s control. There is a source bigger than me, and that source is controlling things, is taking care of things.
So, we can let go of things which are not in our control without being unduly stressed. So, we’ll find that if we put due amount of time and thought in our devotional practises, then the worry that is there, that will go down substantially. Why will the worry go down? Because, the things that are not in our control, we will not agonise over them.
We will not dissipate our mental energy over them. Just let it go. So, that way, we are able to deal with issues that are really in front of us, more effectively.
Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita, If you become conscious of me, you will pass over all obstacles by my grace. He says that, if you become conscious of me, so rather than just being caught and think about this problem, that problem, that problem, we take some time out and focus our consciousness on Krishna. When we connect with him, then that calms us.
That clarifies our thinking. And then, what is the real problem, and what is our imagined worry? We can separate the two. This is the real problem that we deal with this.
This may go wrong, that may go wrong. This is all imagination. If it happens, I’ll deal with it.
But right now, this is the only issue. When we become calm, when our thinking becomes calm and clear, we can separate the real problem from the imagination about the problem. And we’ll find that the real problem is not that stress-inducing.
Our imagination, this may go wrong, that may go wrong, that may go wrong, that is what causes stress. So the spiritual practises that we do, they ground us in reality. When we are grounded in reality, then we can see the real problem and we can see the imaginary projection of that problem.
We separate the two. Yes, that may happen. But if it happens, I’ll deal with it appropriately.
Right now, this is the issue. So, the decision to practise bhakti, the decision to connect with Krishna, at one level, it may seem to cause some stress. Because already in my schedule, I have to add some more things.
How can I do that? But actually, it will not take away our time. Because the time that is going away, in an invisible way, it is being sapped away by worry, by fear, by negativity. That will be seen.
So, you conclude with this point, and then you can have some questions. That if, you know, we usually think of our time in terms of activities. Okay, morning I’ll do this, later I’ll do this, noon I’ll do this, afternoon I’ll do this, I’ll do this, like this.
So, we think of our time in terms of activities. But actually, our time is not taken only by activities. It is also taken by thoughts.
I may go in a class to study, or to learn some subject. But just before I enter the class, I greet someone, and that person snubs me. How dare you snub me! And the next one hour we are sitting there, mind is filled with revenge fantasies.
I’ll get back instead. In front of everyone, hundred people, in front of them, I’m going to snub this person. So, what has happened? In terms of activity, that one hour was in the class.
But in terms of actual effective action, we are not in the class at all. That time was taken away by the thoughts. So, actually, when we think of our schedule only in terms of activities, we are not realistically assessing hard at how our time goes.
If our thoughts are disorganised, then even if you go through certain activities, that activity does not translate into productivity. I do the activity, but no result comes from it. So, when we practise bhakti, when we study scripture, when we chant the holy names, then we get better control over our thoughts.
Our inner world becomes more calm, more clear. So, small things, somebody snubbed me, okay, it doesn’t matter. We won’t let that thing become very better.
And that way, the time which gets wasted by stress, by negativity, by stray emotions, by stray desires, all that time is saved. So, although at one level spiritual activities take time, at another level they save time. So, our bhakti activities won’t take away our work time.
They will take away our worry time. They will take away our waste time. And we’ll find that the decision to practise bhakti at one level may cause some stress because I had to do more.
But eventually it frees us from stress because the time that is eroded away by a hundred other things, that time will be saved. And thus, we will be able to function more effectively in our life. The decision to practise bhakti, it is not… it may seem stress inducing initially, but actually it will be stress relieving eventually because we’ll connect with Krishna, we’ll get better control over our thoughts, and then the same problems you earlier have caused as stress, we’ll actually be able to face them better.
They won’t cause us that much stress. So, I’ll summarise. So, I spoke today about the topic of managing stress, and I talked about stress as a as a emotion.
Too many problems, too many things to do. And stress as a physical consequence of that emotion. So, if there are physical issues, if there are physical health issues, then they may need to be treated with appropriate medication.
But if it’s an emotional issue, then we can’t medicate away human problems. We have to learn to deal with them by growing as human beings. If there is some specific structural or chemical issue with the brain, then that’s a different thing.
But otherwise, we cannot medicate away human problems. So, then, talking about the different causes of stress. The first was stress by you remember? Disorganisation.
So, it’s like, say, if I try to pack my whole house in a suitcase, it’s not going to work. So, if we try to do too many things, then we feel stressed. So, we have to prioritise.
And prioritising means planning. So, plans may not work, but planning works. So, plans means we try to micro-control life.
That is in the mood of rajoguna, that is in the mood of passion. And thinking that plans never work, so I’ll never plan. That is like in the mood of ignorance.
That also will, things will pile up. Eventually, that will cause stress. But planning means we get a sense of direction, of what is important in my life.
And we are flexible, at the same time, we keep moving onwards. There’s traffic in a particular way, I know how to go in that direction, so I can turn left, turn right, and again I can move on in that direction. So, we can use whatever practical tools we find appropriate for us to become more organised.
But in general, coming to the mood of goodness and spiritual practises that help us to come to the mood of goodness will naturally make us better organised. Then there is stress that is caused by disposition. That means that different people, just like different people have different weight lifting capacity, like that, different people can cope with different amounts of workload.
So, when we try to become like someone else, somebody else can take a lot of stress and I should be able to do that much work. Then that causes stress. Or we try to make someone else like us.
You know, I’m doing so much, why can’t you do so much? Then we become sources of stress for others. Just understand that different people have different natures, they have different capacities, they have different needs. And we just try to become ourselves.
I want to become the best me. If God had wanted us to be someone else, we would have made someone else. So, again, spiritual practises, they act like an inner torch which helps us to understand ourselves better.
Understand ourselves as a soul, understand ourselves as our mind, as our body. And we learn to function effectively. So, when we try to do something which we are not meant to do, which we are not endowed to do, then we cause too much stress to ourselves.
But by not trying to imitate others, we can take inspiration from others, but try to recognise our own individuality and make contributions accordingly. Just accepting who I am, and trying to be the best that I can be, that can decrease a lot of stress. And third was stress by destiny.
Just like while driving, suddenly some storm may come. Like that in our life journey, because of factors beyond our control, difficulties come in our life. So, that’s like a leech biting us.
If I try to pull out the leech, it will rip out the skin. And the problem will be much greater. Just let it do its business.
It will fall off. Like that when problems come because of factors beyond our control, rather than trying to succumb to these reactions, we just wait them out. And often they resolve themselves in due course.
Tolerance doesn’t mean we become passive. Tolerance means we keep small things small so that we can focus on big things. And destiny simply means that there is action and there is result.
So, action doesn’t linearly produce result. In between action and result, there is destiny and there is time. Just like in farming or in conceiving a child.
There is our effort, but there are things beyond us also that shape the result. So, if we recognise that I am going through a negative phase in destiny, then we don’t beat ourselves up. And actually the problems in life, they cause some stress.
But when we beat ourselves up because of those problems, that causes far greater stress. So, when we just simply acknowledge that this is destiny which is unfavourable, we stop beating ourselves up. And then we can go through those problems with far lesser scars being caused on us.
And just like sometimes we go through bad things, eventually good phases will also come in our life. Just wait for that patiently. And last was stress by decision.
If something is important for us, then we may decide. I want to make a contribution, so even if it causes stress, I will do it. And if we make a commitment like that, then we shouldn’t second guess ourselves.
Even if stress is there, we accept it. So, just like when parents decide to have a child, causes stress, but then it brings fulfilment. So, the purpose of life is not just to live stress-free.
It is to have a purpose. It is to make a positive contribution. So, when we practise spiritual life, when we study scripture, when we meditate, when we come to spiritual programmes, at that time, this may seem to burden our schedule further.
It may seem to also be a source of stress. But this relieves stress because it brings order to our inner world. Our time is taken not just by activities, it is also taken by thoughts.
And stray thoughts, which consume our time, that consumption of time by stray thoughts is avoided when, through spiritual practises, we get better control over our inner world. When we become calm and clear internally, then our time is saved from being wasted. So, our bhakti practises won’t take away our work time.
They will take away our worry time. They will take away our waste time. And then, Krishna says that whatever problems you face in life, if you are connected with me, I will help you cross over those problems.
So, the connection with Krishna, it roots us in reality. And then we can separate the problem from our imagination about the problem. And the real problem is always manageable.
It is the imagination about the problem which causes stress. So, by connecting with Krishna, we avoid the negative imagination. And whatever problems we face, we can deal with them with the minimum of stress.
Ultimately, if we stay connected with Krishna, then we understand that this problem is big, but Krishna is much bigger. And he can help me to deal with whatever problems come in our way. So, I’ll conclude with one thought that don’t tell God how big your problems are.
Tell your problems how big God is. So, stress, yes, the problems are there, but when you understand Krishna is bigger, then you can deal with stress effectively. Thank you very much.
Hare Krishna. Are there any questions or comments? Yes, please. Yes, sir.
I really like the point that you raised. One point that you mentioned was about knowing yourself and your capacity. And you mentioned that we have different muscle sizes and capacity in different areas.
How does one identify if that is actually their nature, what their particular capacity is, or if it is something they can work on and increase? Sometimes there is a feeling of wanting to accept defeat if you feel that you can’t do something. So, how do you distinguish that? Good question. So, if you are not able to do something, you know, is it that we take that this is not my nature and stop endeavouring, or is it that we still keep trying so that eventually we will succeed in that? So, how do we decide this? Yes, generally speaking, in any field, if you want to do anything constructive, it is very rare that success falls into our lap at the first go.
Even if a person is very talented in a particular field. Even if a person is very good at music, they also have to spend hours and hours practising. That time they become good.
So, everybody faces failures in life. Everybody faces less than success in their life, through which they have to persevere. So, it is not simply a failure in doing something that is the basis of deciding whether this is my nature or not.
Krishna talks in the Bhagavad Gita that we understand our nature by guna-karma-vibhaluksha. Guna is quality, karma is activity. What that means is that when we are doing something that we are meant to do, then we feel comfortable doing it internally.
And not only do we feel comfortable doing it internally, karma means, so guna means inner comfort. And karma means outer competence. We are good at doing it.
So, when we are doing something according to our nature, then we feel comfortable and we are competent at it. Even if results don’t come in a big way, in a dramatic, in a sensational way, still we get a sense of fulfilment in doing that itself. Yes, we all have a human need for appreciation.
We all have a human need for recognition. If I’m doing some work, I would like that people appreciate that, people recognise that. But, there are some things which we will do even if no one recognises it.
Because we just feel at home doing that. So, basically, sometimes, if we feel comfortable and are competent at doing something, then even if external success doesn’t come, still we can persevere with that. And then, over a period of time, by persevering repeatedly, success will come.
So, often there are in self-help kind of literature, they talk about how some authors they tried to write a book and 30 publishers, 40 publishers rejected their books. And then, some publisher took it and their book became an international best-selling phenomenon. In different fields, there are stories like this.
So, now, in these cases, we see that these people are driven to that particular activity. They can’t live without writing, can’t live without inventing, can’t live without doing a particular thing. That’s what they’re driven to do.
So, what such examples often don’t talk about is that not everybody is similarly driven to that thing. So, if we are not comfortable, we are not competent at doing something, and then again and again we keep trying to do something. That’s like beating our head against a wall.
We only end up hurting ourselves. So, when we have tried something and it’s not worked out, then rather than just deciding, I’m going to do it, I’m going to give up. Rather than going to either of the extremes, we can just take a break, calm down, distance ourselves from the situation and introspect.
Write down our thoughts and then evaluate for some time. Why is this important? Why do I want to do this? We go deep within ourselves and check. Is this because somebody else told me that this is what you should do? Or I’m trying to prove to someone else I can do this? Or is this something which I have been inspired to do? So, that way, when we separate external impositions from our inner calling, then we can decide whether I should persevere a particular course of action or I should change course.
Does that answer your question? Any other questions? You had a question on anxiety? That’s fine. Okay. So, you tell me if I remember right.
So, the question was that when we are in a particular profession, we have a particular ambition, then in that process there is anxiety. So, how much anxiety should we take up or should we accept that anxiety or not? Was that your question? Okay. Yeah.
So, basically anxiety is just a fact of our existential condition. Let’s say we all have to do certain things in our life and doing those things is not always in our control. Say, if I have to catch a flight and I am not sure whether I will reach in time for the flight or not.
That is anxiety. There is going to be anxiety. But, anxiety can be minimised or anxiety can be maximised.
Say, if I know that it takes one hour to reach the airport and I start with 30 minutes of time, then that is just… I could have started one hour earlier, I could have avoided the anxiety. So, there is avoidable anxiety and there is unavoidable anxiety. So, unavoidable anxiety, if we try to avoid that, we will not be able to do anything in life.
Anxiety is going to come in our life. But, there are many places where anxiety is avoidable. So, avoidable anxiety is when we take the necessary precautions.
Then, we can avoid that. But, when it comes to our initiative… So, if we are in a particular profession, we want to expand, we want to grow and that causes anxiety. So, again, here the issue is that growth itself is a natural human condition.
Our body grows naturally from childhood to adulthood. But, the growth, it needs to be proportionate, not disproportionate. So, if in my job, if I have a business, I decide to expand the business and in expanding that business, it causes me so much anxiety that even when I come home, I am irritable with my family member, I shout at them, I neglect them and I can’t be even civil with them.
I am just too much stressed. And then, if I have no time for family, I have no time for spiritual growth, I have no time for anything else. Then, that ambition, that ambitiousness is not healthy growth.
It is unhealthy growth. It is like, say, a cancer cell grows in the body. The cancer cell’s growth, it actually stops all other growth and destroys the body.
So, when our ambition causes ambition to grow in one area of life, causes dysfunctionality in other areas of life, then whether it is a family life, whether it is a spiritual growth, it just causes a breakdown in other things, then that anxiety is something which we should avoid. Now, there are in our life, in any field, there are phases. So, phases means that sometimes just one aspect of our life may take more time than others.
So, if we say there is some health crisis in somebody’s family, if there is a pregnancy in the family, naturally those activities will take more time. Sometimes when we have a major project deadline in our office, then that will take more time. Sometimes we go on a spiritual pilgrimage.
Then we are focussing all our time on spiritual life. So, in phases, sometimes one aspect of our life may take more time than others. And that is natural.
But when one aspect of our life is just consuming so much of our time, our thought, that it disrupts all other aspects of our life, not just for a short phase, but over a sustained period, then that kind of anxiety is unhealthy. So, it’s best to let me grow. What is it saying in English? It is better to shine longer than to shine brighter.
Better to shine longer. So, I may just grow like a meteor right now, but then the meteor falls back after. It just disappears.
But grow slowly, you can shine longer. So, better to seek proportionate growth and avoid disproportionate anxiety. Does it answer the question? Yes.
He said that everyone experiences anxiety. And he also said that, explaining how when you are sluggish to Krishna, you understand that the result is that even one who is extremely sluggish to Krishna and understands the result that she has Krishna in her destiny, then you still feel some anxiety regarding yourself. Okay, good question.
So, if everyone feels anxiety, then what about very advanced devotees who have surrendered to Krishna, who know Krishna is in control? Do they also feel anxiety? There are different kinds of anxiety. There is basically, there are material emotions and there are spiritual emotions. So, material emotions, we consider the emotions which fill us with worldly thoughts and they obscure our spiritual awareness.
On the other hand, spiritual emotions, they intensify our remembrance of Krishna. So, Mother Yashoda, for example, when she is taking care of Krishna, at that time, if Krishna does not come back home after a plenum time, she starts getting worried. When is Krishna going to come home? Krishna was beyond the reach.
Krishna will get tired. Now, that anxiety increases her remembrance of Krishna and that remembrance of Krishna actually brings ecstasy because Krishna is the source of the supreme ecstasy. So, that anxiety which intensifies one’s remembrance of Krishna, although it is anxiety, it is also ecstasy.
So, it’s like there is poison and there is nectar. Now, there is some poison that tastes bitter and there is some poison that tastes sweet and there is some nectar that tastes sweet and there is some nectar that tastes bitter. So, now, that means there is a taste and there is an effect.
So, when it comes to worldly emotions, emotions that are disconnected from spiritual reality, some worldly emotions taste good, some worldly emotions taste bad. Sometimes you feel pleasure, sometimes you feel pain, sometimes you feel anxiety. But all worldly emotions from the spiritual perspective are like poison.
Some poison tastes good, some poison tastes bad. Sometimes there is worldly pleasure, sometimes there is worldly pain. But they both obscure our spiritual awareness.
In that sense, they are like poison. In the case of spiritual emotions, when we are connected with Krishna, sometimes the connection with Krishna brings bliss. We chant Krishna’s name, we feel blissful, we feel blissful.
That’s like sweet nectar. Sometimes our service to Krishna itself causes anxiety. You know, we have to do a particular thing and in trying to do that thing, oh, will this work out, this work out? We pray to Krishna more, we depend on Krishna more, our remembrance of Krishna intensifies.
So, then that is like a bitter poison. The anxiety is there, the negativity is there, so it’s not a pleasant experience. But it is a purifying experience.
It is a fulfilling experience. So, again, in our spiritual life also, it is not that we should go out of the way to drink the bitter poison. No, sorry, the bitter nectar.
The sweet nectar also. But we can’t be just avoiding anxiety. Even great devotees, they do feel anxiety because sometimes they want to do something for Krishna.
But then they know Krishna is in control. But the nature of love is that there is a natural concern for the beloved. So, it is not that when when Yashodamayi, she is doing the service as mother of Krishna, she is not thinking, oh, Krishna is God, if I don’t take care, Krishna will take care.
No, she is thinking this is my service to Krishna, I have to do this. But similarly, devotees at one level, they know that Krishna is in control. But at another level, I want to do something for Krishna.
And so they voluntarily take up anxiety for Krishna. But the key is, when we take up anxiety for Krishna, we have to see whether it is intensifying our remembrance of Krishna. Sometimes if we take up too many things, then they become such a burden that instead of intensifying our remembrance of Krishna, it only intensifies our our sense of being burdened.
And even while doing service for Krishna, we may have to moderate. This is the level of anxiety I can take up, this is what I can’t take up. So, in spiritual life, the primary criteria is not to avoid anxiety, nor to embrace anxiety.
The primary criteria is to connect with Krishna. Did I answer your question? Thank you. Anybody else? Yeah.
It’s a wonderful class and I was looking at the four Ds and I was thinking it through that in my life that when we get more experienced, I think disorganisation is pretty easy to manage because you know what disorganisation is, you want to disorganise very quickly to learn from that. Then the second point which you mentioned about the disposition, I think we kind of identified ourselves in our transmutations in our sense pretty early on in life. The fourth point, we do take it into the our responsibility to see if there is any anxiety, we know that we’ve done it so we can’t get over that.
When we come to Krishna Mantra, we know that there is destiny, but then we have got to say that Krishna is there, there is a bigger plan of His, so that that destiny gets overwhelmed by the fact that we are going to be managed by or micromanaged by Krishna, so we don’t have to worry about it. For me, the fifth D actually, which I think is more important for me in terms of anxiety, and that’s disconnect. And the disconnect between the ambition and the achievement.
And I don’t mean ambition as in a material sense, I mean ambition in whatever I think my duty is to get to that. And I think the anxiety for me most important is that my duty of my responsibility and not being able to deliver that, although you are absolutely right, there are factors beyond our control and we can have only limited wear and limited muscles and limited sleep for hours in a day, but there is that responsibility that we have been born with to deliver as a parent, as a husband or as a son or whatever you would have as an employee. So we are in this material world in which we have to perform.
So not to be able to deliver that is not an unusual expectation from us. We are kind of almost bound to do that. And then not to be able to deliver that, that produces the anxiety.
But I think having heard what you were saying is that now, knowing that it will produce anxiety, not all anxiety is bad. We just need to manage how to prioritise within that and manage it. So I think that’s for me that could be a kind of more common need.
Yeah. So what about the anxiety that is caused by the disconnection between what we are expected to do and say, what we are not able to do. We are not able to deliver what is our expectation, what is the promise.
See, here also I would put this in the two, either destiny or decision. That means sometimes we all are expected to do certain things, but we want, say, our children to become wonderful people. But they are souls in their own rights.
They are individuals in their own right. And they will grow in their own way. So sometimes they may have to go through some wrong turns to recognise the right turn.
So at that time it can be very stressful for us. So again, you know, we we have to often we think of strength in terms of holding on to things. You know, say, if somebody is pulling something away from us, if a thief is trying to pull away our bag which contains some valuables, and we hold on to it.
That’s strength. So it requires strength to hold on, but it also requires strength to let go. Sometimes the instinctive tendency is to hold on to things.
But by letting go we can hold on to something bigger. We can hold on to something better. So, like in aeroplanes they say that, if there’s an emergency, don’t try to carry any of your baggage with you.
Just come out of the plane. So the instinctive tendency is to hold on. But no, at that time, by letting go, we’ll be able to save ourselves.
Chances of saving ourselves is more. So, in some situations, we just need to let go. And it’s not that we are being irresponsible.
There’s a big difference between detachment and irresponsibility. Irresponsibility is before the action. Detachment is after the action.
So if a student doesn’t study for the exam, the parents say, Why are you not studying? I’m detached. You are not detached. You are irresponsible.
You are meant to study. So, if we don’t do our effort at all, then that is irresponsibility. But if we have done our effort, and then, things are beyond us now.
So at that time, if we stay further emotionally involved in it, then that is lacking in detachment. And actually, although sometimes detachment and irresponsibility look similar, but detachment is actually the opposite of irresponsibility. Detachment helps us to become more responsible, not less responsible.
How? Let’s say I have done task A. I’ve done my part in task A, and now it is beyond me whether the result will come or not. But now I have moved on to task B. If I’m attached, then while doing task B, I’m emotionally caught in task A. And then because of that, I can’t do task B well. So, my conception that I’m being responsible in task A is actually making me irresponsible in task B. But if I’m detached, then I can be more responsible in task B. So, yes, we often have to provide results in fields where the results are not in our control.
But then over a period of time, we ourselves recognise that some things will work out right, some things will not work out right. So, in that case, we just accept it and move on. So, by acknowledging the role of destiny, acknowledging that I can hold on to some things, and I need to let go of some things, then we can actually become more responsible in what we are doing.
And there’s also a decision part in it. That decision part is that if we find that the amount of roles or responsibilities we’re taking up is too much, then we may decide to cut down on things. But the disconnect which we find between, say, our aspirations and our results, that disconnect is actually because of the presumption that they are inherently connected.
But if you understand that, you know, they’re not intrinsically connected. There is something more involved because of which the results will produce. Then we will not be so emotionally consumed by each thing.
Because although at that time, the inability to produce a particular result can appear to be catastrophic. But if you look back, say, after a few months or a few years, it’s not that big. So, what is that? Don’t eternalise your problems.
Contextualise them. Eternalise means we think that the problem which I’m facing now, this problem is going to be there forever. This problem is going to, you know, shape my whole future.
This problem is going to scar me for the rest of my life. That’s how we eternalise it. But actually, we just contextualise it.
This problem is there. It is in this situation, this situation. But if we look back at our life, at almost every phase in our life, we’ll find that there was some problem which seemed overwhelming at that time.
But then now if I look at that problem, some problem which I had 10 years ago, why did I get so worked up about it? It’s come, it’s gone. I’ve survived it. So like that, those problems we survive.
Yes, some of them scarred us. Some of them hurt us. But we survived them.
We grew through them. So like that, if we see, then we can move on through situations. We do our part, move on to the next.
We move on to the next. On to the next. And in the net result, we’ll find that some things work out well.
Even if they don’t work out well, they don’t matter that much. So that anxiety of wanting to deliver the results, that is just a sense of responsibility. But when we take up responsibility, we also have to know that what is my role and what is my limitation.
And then, if I have done my role, then just let me move on to the next responsibility. That way we can be responsible without letting our responsibilities overwhelm us. So again, what happens is that we have a fundamental identity and we have a functional identity.
So my fundamental identity is that I am a soul. I am a part of Krishna. I am meant to love and serve Krishna.
My functional identity is I am a father. I am a husband. I am a surgeon.
I am a manager. I am this. I am that.
So now all these are functional roles. And I want to deliver in my functional roles also. But if we identify too much with those functional roles and then we find that things don’t work in a particular functional role, we see that as a defeat for ourselves.
But when we identify ourselves in a fundamental role, I am a servant of Krishna, then, okay, my being a husband, my being a father, my being a son, my being a doctor, my being a manager, whatever it is, all these are roles. So it’s like the Ganga is flowing towards the ocean and all these are different tributaries. So if one path gets blocked, I’ll find another path and move on.
So every role that we play, to some extent that creates a self-definition of ourselves. But we need to make sure that our self-definition most fundamentally comes from our relationship with Krishna. If I define myself as anything other than a servant of Krishna, then I will set myself up for frustration sooner or later.
I may get success for some time. If I define myself as the husband of so-and-so person, the father of so-and-so person, the son of so-and-so person, in every relationship in this world, sometimes there will be problems. And if there is a rejection, if there is some problem in that, then it’s not just the problem, it’s what the problem means for me.
We start thinking, you know, maybe I am not good enough. Maybe I am worthless. Maybe I am useless.
So if we let any role define us, then the frustration in that role will be overwhelming. But if we let ourselves be defined by our relationship with Krishna, I’m a servant of Krishna and I have these roles. So even if this role doesn’t work out, then I have other roles in which I can keep serving Krishna.
Then we can minimise the stress that can come from frustration in any one particular role. Thank you. We’ll stop here.
Thank you very much. Shila Prabhupada ki Gaur Bhakta Vendaki Jai Gaur Bhai Mahanand Jai Jai