Navigating the social and emotional turbulence of adolescence

Address to teenagers forum at ISKCON, Bahrain

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna Thank you for being ready to attend the second class. Most of you are there for the earlier class also? Yes. So, how many of you are not there? Ok, two, three, fine.
So, I will not speak very long. I hope to have some question answers also. I am primarily a writer and I write articles and books.
This is an anecdote. Once one person went to author and asked him how do you get ideas to write? Where do you get ideas to write from? I don’t get any ideas at all. So, this author told him if you have survived through adolescence you will have enough material to write throughout your life.
So, adolescence is actually a very turbulent period in life and lot of things happen to us emotionally, socially and dealing with all that is actually very difficult. So, I will talk about two main aspects and then I will talk about how spirituality can help us in dealing with it. See, first is socially and emotionally.
Socially, all of us always want to feel accepted and respected in whatever circle we belong to. And if we are among friends then we all need a sense of belonging. We all need and our sense of belonging is the basis of our self worth, our self esteem and when we come to the teenage years then this is the time when there is an enormous amount of insecurity because when we are in the childhood at that time our identity is primarily our identity is primarily determined by our connection with our parents.
So, who our parents are that’s what defines who we are. Once we ourselves will grow into adults So, once we grow into adults then at that time we will So, once we grow into adults, we will have our own identity. We will have our job, our profession, whatever social position that we have and we will have an identity at that time.
But when we are in adolescence we are neither here nor there. We don’t want to be defined just as a child of someone that is a part of our identity but we want to have our own identity also. And till now we have not come to a place we have not really achieved so much we don’t have a career, we don’t have a position so we don’t have our own identity.
And at this time one’s identity is very strongly defined by one’s social circle. So, if I am accepted and respected among my friends then I am someone otherwise if I am not then who am I? I feel as if I am just nothing and the desire to be accepted and respected in a social circle that often makes us do things which may be unhealthy, which may be unproductive. You need to come ahead.
You can come here. So, last year I was in America this year also I went. Last year I went to America I had gone to the Ohio State University and there I was giving a talk on mental health.
It was a vegetarian society and to them I was speaking about regulating our mental diet. So, I spoke about just as if we eat inappropriate food, we will fall sick. So, if our mind takes in inappropriate stimuli then we will fall mentally sick and just as physical sickness can be fatal similarly mental sickness can also be fatal.
So, there is some voice inside us which tells us do like this eat this, watch this, touch this go there, do that and that same voice which is there inside us, it can often mislead us. So, this is actually the voice of the mind and this voice it seems because it’s inside us, we think it’s my voice but after sometime we do something and then why did I do that? What made me do that? So, we start thinking, what happened? So, actually it was the mind which made us do it. So, after this class one boy came and talked, young handsome boy and he told me that just before he so just before he came for this class he had been contemplating suicide he had been contemplating suicide and he had a breakup, he had a relationship and he had just broken up and he was feeling completely devastated.
So, basically what had happened was that the girl with whom he was relating, she had ditched him and gone with some other boy. So, if she had just given him up that would not have been as bad but because she gave him up and went with some other boy. So, what happened to him was he felt as if I am good for nothing.
What is the use of your life? What is the use of my life? But somehow as he was thinking of suicide he felt that you know, somebody had told him about the programme. He said let me just go for this programme. Then he was telling that you know, after hearing this talk I understood that actually it is not I who want to commit suicide.
It is my mind which is telling me and my mind is different from me. This year I went, I had also gone again to Ohio State University. I met that boy.
He is quite doing well in his career and he has got another relationship, stable in that relationship and it is going on in his life. So, what happened I gave this example to illustrate that you know, when we depend for our identity too much on our social circle then we can become very insecure. We definitely need a social circle from which we get our sense of identity but then we have to select our social circle properly.
If we don’t do that then just in order to belong to that circle we may end up doing things which are unworthy, which are undesirable. In the Mahabharata there is the example of Karna. Now, Karna was actually a very good person.
He was heroic, he was virtuous and there was a lot of injustice also happened to him. He was born in a great family but he was never recognised as a Kshatriya. Now, when he first came most of you know the story of Karna, isn’t it? Most of you must have seen Mahabharata.
So, what happened is that when he came in the martial exhibition when Drona students were exhibiting at that time he came and exhibited his skills and he wanted to have a duel with Arjuna and at that time the question was asked what are your antecedents? Which family do you belong to? There is going to be a duel between two people. It’s a natural question because how it is, say if you are belonging to a particular college and there is a graduation ceremony for students of your college and suddenly some other student from some other place comes and says I want to compete. I will exhibit my skills over it.
Who are you? This is a private ceremony. This is not for everyone. It’s for students of this college.
So, naturally the question came up what are your antecedents? And he did not have very respectable antecedents in the social at that time and that time Duryodhana told him if they want a king to compete, I will make you a king. And then when he that he was so grateful to Duryodhana, he says you have saved my honour. What can I do for you? Duryodhana was a high class politician and he knew how to press which buttons to get things done.
He knew how to manipulate people. So, he told Karna I don’t want anything except your friendship. Karna was totally overwhelmed by that.
Bowled out by that. He said, oh that you will have throughout my life. And then later on initially when Duryodhana and Shakuni were planning their evil schemes Karna opposed that.
When they were planning to burn the Pandavas, send the Pandavas to Varanavar and have them burnt. Karna told them why do you do such thing? Let’s call them for a battle. We will defeat them and you can get their kingdom.
Shakuni told you are a child. You shouldn’t fight with them. We cannot win with them.
Basically, Shakuni because Shakuni was elderly and Duryodhana was much more influenced by Shakuni. So, he neglected Karna. So, initially Karna’s virtuous nature not only stopped him from participating in the evil deed that the Kauravas were doing but also he tried to stop them.
But over a period of time he became contaminated by that association. So much so that when in the gambling match it was Karna who suggested after the Pandavas had lost everything and they had lost Draupadi also it was Karna who suggested that now Draupadi is your maid servant. She is your slave.
Now call her and let us disrobe her in public. Now for a Kshatriya, he is meant to be a protector of everyone. He is a protector of everyone.
To suggest such a thing is so devious. So, it was he who called she should be called and then not only that later on Draupadi objected to that. So, she raised some very valid questions.
So, when Vikarna Vikarna is Duryodhana’s brother. He came in support of Draupadi. So, Karna smashed Vikarna and he not only did wrong but he tried to rationalise whatever wrong he was doing.
And later on when Karna meets Bhishma after Bhishma falls on the 10th day and then Karna is going to enter the war now normally no matter how much animosity is there, if somebody is going to die then people try to bury their hatchets you know try to resolve any feelings of animosity. So, Karna went to Bhishma and then at that time Karna told Bhishma actually Karna told this to Krishna also. He said I bitterly regret that day in the assembly Kuru assembly when I suggested that Draupadi be disproved.
Since I did that just to please Duryodhana. It went against my principles but I did that. So, Karna is a heroic person but he is not just heroic he is tragic.
Heroic story becomes tragic primarily because he lets himself be too influenced by bad association. So, Karna is actually very insecure. When I am talking about Karna’s story specifically I am talking about in adolescence there is insecurity.
We want a sense of identity. So, Karna also wanted a sense of identity. Because he was considered low born and he wanted some respect.
And the person who offered him respect was Duryodhana. And because he got that respect because of Duryodhana see he was in a very emotionally vulnerable situation. Emotionally vulnerable means what? That at that point people were calling him you are a sootaputra.
And in many situations we are just the way we are. There is nothing you can do to change. He is a sootaputra, he is a sootaputra.
When the world judges us based on something that is not in our control it’s very painful. It’s something which we can do nothing about. Actually when I saw the Ramayana Mahabharata for the first time on TV maybe 30 years ago the character which I connected with the most was Karna.
Because that whole situation when a person is emotionally vulnerable people label you people tease you people scorn you based on something which is not in your control. So in my childhood I had the same experience. Because I had polio since my childhood.
And there are always children in school who tease. They say cripple, langda that sort of thing. So whenever somebody would call Karna as sootaputra I would remember langda.
I could understand how he was feeling. So I could connect with what he was saying. It’s a very emotionally vulnerable situation.
And when we are emotionally vulnerable like that at that time if somebody offers us some shelter somebody offers us some respect we just get bowled over by that. We do anything and everything for that person. So Karna gave up his morality.
Karna gave up his virtue just to please Duryodhana. And Duryodhana manipulated Karna. Duryodhana had his own agenda.
He felt that I have to get even with the Pandavas. I can deal with Bhishma. But I need someone to deal with Arjuna.
And that person is Karna. So like that, same way we all as I said need a sense of identity. We need a social circle which we are accepted, which we are respected.
And sometimes we feel that among our non-devotee friends friends in school, in college, there might be some circle where you know we may want to belong over there. And in order to belong over there, we may often do things which we would otherwise not have done. We don’t want to do those things, but just to belong over there, we start doing those things.
And we may think by doing this you are, you know, now I belong over here. But actually we may belong but for how long? But for how long? You know in materialistic social circles, things change very fast. People may respect one thing today, actually it’s not respect it is basically scratching each other’s back.
I do something for you, you do something for me. And they may like something today and tomorrow it’s old fashioned, they just give it up. And then we end up doing one thing, second thing, third thing and we always stay insecure.
So it’s vital for us to choose our friend circle well. And if you can get a good friend circle and in that friend circle, we seek to be accepted, we seek to be respected. Then that will bring out the best within us.
Sometimes if we go in non-devotee circles, I’m not saying all non-devotees are bad, even among non-devotees there are different kinds of people. But often the most glamorous looking people, they are often the people who do all sorts of undesirable things and that’s how they look cool in people’s eyes. Once we try to get into those circles actually those circles will bring out not the best within us, they’ll bring out the worst within us.
They’ll bring out the worst within us. So there is a natural human urge to explore and most of you were born in devotee families or after you were born then your parents became devotees? How many of you were born in devotee families? Okay. And how many of you when you were young your parents came or you’re young still but you remember when your parents started practising bhakti? A few of you.
Whichever way it is. So you have got some devotional impressions in the formative years of your life and then there is a natural urge to explore. Okay, I got some things but there is so much I have not tasted.
I want to experience that. That feeling is there. Do you feel I want freedom? I want freedom to do this.
I want freedom to do that. And sometimes you feel this bhakti, there are so many rules. It’s so restrictive.
Actually when we talk about freedom there are two kinds of freedom. There is freedom for and there is freedom from. So freedom for means I want to do this.
Why do you say I can’t do it? I want to do that. I want freedom for this. Freedom for that.
But that is only one kind of freedom. Another kind of freedom is freedom from. Freedom from means freedom from freedom from being controlled by certain desires.
So for example in the previous class I gave the example of say addiction. Somebody becomes alcoholic. Then I want to be free to drink.
They have that freedom to drink but then in the name of that freedom for drinking what happens is they become addicted. And once they become addicted they have lost their other people People have the freedom from alcoholism. They have lost that freedom.
So we shouldn’t think of freedom only in terms of freedom for. There is also freedom from. So the bhakti culture it may seem that I am told do this, don’t do this.
There are so many rules. And I don’t have freedom. But actually because of the bhakti culture we have freedom from many things.
There are many undesirable influences that come up and those influences can be terrible. When I was in I was doing college preaching in Pune. There was one boy who started coming to our programmes.
And then his parents told him that you don’t go to the Sikon staff you know. Sikon people they will make you brahmachari. So don’t go to Sikon.
And he was actually a nice boy. He was in engineering first year. And he wanted to come but because his parents told him don’t go there.
Just stop going. And then somehow after that he didn’t do well in one exam and he became very depressed because of that. And then in a social circle he went into, he fell with some boys were taking drugs and then he got into drugs and he became addicted.
And eventually he had to be taken to a de-addiction centre. So there was a complete break in his career. And he was in the de-addiction centre.
And he said the drugs they can so terribly consume a person. And then one day his father came to our temple and he said you know I made a big mistake. If my son had been a devotee, he would never have fallen into drugs.
I told him don’t practise this bhakti. And then what happened? He ended up going there. So it took him many years once he got into that to recover from that it took him many many years.
So see in that case he wanted to practise bhakti but his parents were opposing him. His parents dragged him away. All of you are fortunate that your parents want you to practise.
But then the social circle may be such that there were so many allurements. Now you have to understand that there is a lot of promise of freedom. But there is a promise initially of freedom but in the name of that freedom there is bondage.
Bondage means we start I want to do that I want to do that I want to do that and then start doing that we get hooked to it. We get caught in it. We get addicted by it.
And then we get into a whole lot of trouble. So if we have certain talents, we have certain abilities we can definitely use them. But it is not that bhakti is stopping us from exploring things in life.
Yes, there are many ways to explore life. It is not just society shows a certain way this is the way I have to explore life. We can explore our talents we can explore our interests in a way that is harmonious with the principles of bhakti.
And how to do that? For that it is very important to have a devotional social circle. So like all of you come and meet. Here they have a programme with Balwant Prabhu.
But like that if all of you also become friendly with each other. And then you have a social circle in which you are accepted here, you are respected here. Then your self-worth, your self-esteem comes from this circle.
And then yes in the outside society we have to dare and how we function over there, that can vary according to time, place and circumstance. But we will be saved from a whole lot of trouble. It may appear that I am not being allowed to do this, I am not being allowed to do that.
But as this phase will pass you will realise that actually you are protected. So it is not deprivation it is protection. Because in the name of exploration often we get entangled.
And this is the social circle. So we need some social circle which is good. Whether it is a devotee circle or in a college also you find out a social circle that is good.
Which won’t bring out the worst within you. Otherwise one’s life can also get ruined by that. So I said I will talk about two things that is the social and the emotional.
Now in adolescence the body and the mind they change. The body starts secreting hormones which drive us in particular ways. And we start feeling desires which we had not felt before.
We start getting thoughts, the kind of thoughts it is a significant change in the way we think, the way we feel. So in our childhood our parents they are providing us everything. So basically when we come to adolescence we start seeing that because our intelligence also starts developing, so we can start seeing.
In childhood we may think my parents are like God, they provide me everything. When we come to adolescence we start seeing my parents also have faults. They don’t do this right, they don’t give me this, this is not wrong, this is not wrong.
And sometimes like a pendulum it will just go to the other extreme. So there is a phase in American history which is called the counterculture. So counterculture their idea was they had one slogan.
The slogan was never trust anyone above 30. So anybody who is older than 30, that person is old fashioned foolish, manipulative, they want to control us. So never trust anyone above 30.
But then that’s going to the other extreme. Everybody has faults, everybody has limitations. We also have limitations.
And as we start growing through this phase when all these emotions start coming in, different kind of thoughts, our intelligence is developing, our body is developing, our mind is going in a particular way, it’s a stormy period. And in this stormy period we need to channel our emotions. Normally we deal with, we think that when emotions come up there are two ways of dealing with it.
Either I express the emotions or I repress the emotions. If somebody does something which I feel is wrong, I express it, I explode at that person. But then that can make things very bad.
That person explodes back at me. And then there are two exploding volcanoes fighting with each other. But then we feel if we go to the other extreme and then we repress.
Okay. I’m feeling very angry but I’ll not speak anything. But then when we repress, it chokes us up.
And when there’s a lot of choking, choking, choking, then one fine day or one not so fine day it explodes again. And sometimes it explodes some other person entirely. So, we have to go beyond these two.
Expressing emotions and repressing emotions. The third thing that is processing emotions. You are expressing and repressing to processing emotions.
Processing emotions means that when we feel in a particular way, if we feel very strongly some emotions, at that time we need to distance ourselves from those emotions. That means just like if we have some very, we go to a picnic in a beautiful place and we click some photos so that we can remember those times afterwards. So, like that, same way, if we feel very strongly about something but we also feel, you know, maybe doing this may not be right.
We feel like doing it but at least there is also some voice that says, you know, maybe doing this is not right. So, we don’t know whether I should express it or repress it. At that time we need to process.
So, if you feel strongly about it, just get it out. Get out means, you know, we can write it down. Keep a diary, keep a journal, just write it down.
Keep it private. Write it down and then after some time, just vent it all out. You may feel angry with someone, you may feel insecure, you may feel depressed, whatever it is, just vent it out.
And then, when you vent it out, the mind calms down. It feels that it has got some expression. It has got some expression.
And after that, maybe after one day, you come back and look at it again. The thoughts that are inside, they just keep congesting our mind. When we get the thoughts out, when we look at it from the distance, there is objectivity.
Yeah, this point makes sense. This, you know, I am becoming too judgemental over here. This is too harshly worded, you know.
This, I have to find out some more information. Maybe this is right, maybe this is not right. So, basically, we can process at that time.
And then, based on that, we will be able to act maturely. Now, I correspond a lot with people on emails. And sometimes, some people do such things which can make one wild.
And when I feel angry, I can’t control it. So, I just write down the email. But if any email contains any harsh words, I try to follow a rule.
I will never send that email. I will wait for at least 24 hours. And after 24 hours, when I look at that email, why did I write such a thing, you know? What would that person think if I wrote such a thing about him? Now, then, I may edit, sometimes I scrap the whole email.
Sometimes, I remove some parts of it. Sometimes, I keep it. Very rarely do I keep it as it is.
But then, I know what to do with it. But at that time, if I just keep it inside, it will choke me. So, we need to process emotions.
And the whole process of Bhakti Yoga, it is not just about chanting, dancing, singing. All these are there. But this, all this is actually a way in which we can positively channel our emotions.
Positively channel our emotions means that by this, we get a way to get some emotional fulfilment in our devotional activities, in our relationship with Krishna. So, that way, I talked about there are different ways of exploring life. So, try to find out within the realm of Bhakti, what is it that you like to do? What is it that you like to do? Maybe you like music.
Maybe you like drama. Maybe you like decoration. Whatever it is.
And try to do that more. Make that your specialisation. And I have seen some devotees, kids, they do they do dramas.
And, you know, they may do some Krishna Leela or some other dramas. And then there are 100, 150, 200 devotees. They all come and watch and they clap.
And these are very memorable experiences. You know, if you had not been in a devotee community, it may be very difficult to get a stage where you can perform in front of so many people. So, there is an opportunity for developing yourself here also.
So, try to find out within the realm of Bhakti, what it is that you like to do? So, like, there is a circle of Bhakti and there is a circle of things which we like to do. Now, this circle has an intersection point. There are some activities which are devotional.
There are some activities which are non-devotional. And there are some activities which are anti-devotional. So, now, we will have some likes in the devotional activities.
Maybe we like some things which are non-devotional. We may have some attraction towards some activities or some activities which are anti-devotional also. So, now, about the anti-devotional activities, we have to be careful.
Because they may really drag us down. Make us go on a wrong path. But, if we find out something which is in the intersection of these two circles, it’s something which we like to do and something which also is in the realm of Bhakti, then we can be jointly situated over there.
So, that is something which nobody else can do for you. You have to find out for yourself. And if you explore, it may take some time, but you will discover it.
And that can become the channel for your talent, channel for your self-expression and channel for your growth. If you can find something which is in that intersection point, you can get inner, you can get self-worth, you can get self-esteem, you can get spiritual satisfaction. And by that you can navigate through this turbulent phase of adolescence.
And as you come beyond this phase, then there are many people who get terribly scarred. Terribly, terribly scarred during this period. In the name of exploring, they do all kinds of things and they get so emotionally scarred during this period, that then it’s very difficult afterwards to recover.
So, rather than seeing the bhakti culture as a deprivation, you see this as a protection. And within the protection also, there is an opportunity for growth. There is an opportunity for expression.
There is an opportunity for using your talents, your interests in a constructive way. You will find that bhakti is also, su-sukham kartum It is actually joyfully performed. So, I’ll summarise.
So, I started by speaking about how an author told that if you have survived through adolescence, you have enough material to write for a lifetime. Adolescence is a very turbulent period. And the turbulence comes because of social factors and emotional factors.
So, socially, in childhood, our identity is directly wedded with our parents. When we become adults, we have our own identity. But in adolescence, we are just evolving our identity.
And at that time, we want to be accepted and respected in our social circle. So that we feel, I am also someone. And this, if we get into a wrong social circle, it can really degrade us.
And this is what unfortunately happened to Karna. He was emotionally vulnerable because everybody was mocking him. People were calling him Sutaputra and he wanted to be respected.
When Duryodhana offered him that respect, he, for the sake of pleasing Krishna, for the sake of pleasing Duryodhana, he gave up his principles. So much so that, he suggested that, such a devious thing to do, horrible things to do. To that extent, even a good person can become bad by, not just bad association, by the desire to belong to bad association.
So, there is some association that brings out the worst within us. And I talk about this boy who became suicidal. It’s because, you know, because he had a relationship, somebody rejected him in the relationship.
What is my life for? So, if we bet our identity too much on others, who are not very reliable people, we will get into a lot of trouble. And instead, if you find a social circle where there is a devotee social circle or a good devotee circle, that will bring out the best within us. And there is, in practising bhakti, there are so many rules.
I don’t have the freedom for this or the freedom for that. There are two kinds of freedom. Freedom for and freedom from.
Somebody says, I want the freedom for drinking. But then, then they lose their freedom from alcohol. And they become alcoholics.
So, rather than seeing this bhakti culture as deprivation, you can see it as protection. So, I talked about that boy who was not allowed by his parents to practise bhakti and then he became a drug addict. So, if you have parents who are encouraging us to practise, you can see that as an opportunity.
And emotionally, when the body goes through, when the mind goes through adolescence, there is a lot of turbulence. Emotions just go wild. One day I feel like doing this, the other day I feel like doing something entirely different.
So, when the emotions are trying to dominate us like that, then we have to choose a third option between expression and repression. And that is not expressing, not repressing, but processing. And one way to process is not act on the emotions, but work through the emotions.
Express them and then evaluate them. Write them down. We don’t have to write everything down, but especially something we feel strongly about.
But we also feel some hesitation about doing that. And write it down, evaluate it with your intelligence. And that way, the emotions won’t control, but you will take into account your emotions and move on.
And the process of bhakti yoga also offers the opportunity to channel our emotions. So, in the circle of bhakti and in the circle of what we like to find the intersection point and situate ourselves in that. And actually, the bhakti culture will offer a lot of opportunity for self-expression and self-development through whatever talents we have.
And once we are situated in that, we can be joyfully situated. When we go through this turbulent period of adolescence and come to adulthood, we will realise that we have been saved from a lot of scars which we would otherwise have suffered. We will be much better prepared for what life will bring our way in future.
Thank you very much. Hare Krishna. Any questions? Comments? You can ask.
Usually, on the when there was previously recently there was Darshana Festival, on that I was reading my mom’s work, and on that there was a message, there was a conversation between your mother and a girl, like, what kind of a brother do you want? So the girl was like, I want a brother like Ravan. And she started telling about Lord Ram, like, he was the one who, he was the only one like, even even Maharani Sita, she left all her kingdom, all her happiness and all, she came with Lord Ram, but still, when actually Mata Sita wanted Lord Ram in the situation, he was not there with her. So she started manipulating, I mean, she started telling negative things about about, like, what the parityag and what the momaya he, like, just surrendered, and he set an example for the upcoming generation that whatever situation it may be, whatever it may be, whatever situation it may be, whoever is closest to you, you should be that capable to do the parityag of that person, but people over here consider it in a wrong manner, so can you give me an example, like, how to deal with that people and say them that it was not, it was not able, that it was a… So actually, question is that, you know, should if a girl desire a brother like Ravana, because Ravana is stuck by Shurpanakha’s side, whereas Ram abandoned Sita.
see this, epics are often interpreted by different people in different ways, according to their conceptions. I mean, if you want to really know what the epics are, you have to go and look at the roots, not just look at what is depicted in some movies or some TV serials, you have to look at the roots. If we see the Ramayana, I’ll tell, firstly from the Valmiki Ramayana, Ravana, was he all that of a great brother? Actually, when Shurpanakha, her nose was cut off, at that time, she was furious, she went to Kharadushan, and Kharadushan took that whole army and attacked Ram, and Ram killed all of them, and at that time, Shurpanakha was wild, and she just didn’t know what to do, she was so furious.
There was one more general, his name was Akampana. Akampana also survived. Akampana ran away all the way to Lanka, and he told Ravana what had happened, and Ravana was furious when he heard that his whole regiment had been destroyed.
He said, I will go and destroy this upstart. Akampana said, don’t provoke Ram, he’s too powerful. Now, Akampana was also formidable general, and Ravana respected his assessment, and Ravana gave up thoughts of taking revenge, and when Shurpanakha came after that, she was just so wild initially, she just didn’t know what to do, and she recovered her senses, and she came back.
When she came back, at that time, she started cursing Ram, Ravana, saying that, saying that, you, what kind of king are you? You’re not protecting your citizens, you’re not even protecting your own sister, and she told her, cut noses, we can’t do this to you, and then, when she told Ram, Ravana immediately became deflated. He was initially angry, but he lost interest. Then, Shurpanakha was also very manipulative.
She wanted to take revenge. He told, you know, Ravana also needed some reason, you know, he couldn’t just in a public assembly say that, I’ll not take revenge. So, he asked, oh, they were living their way, why did you have to go their way, and mess with them? Now, Shurpanakha, she turned and gave her own spin.
Actually, I saw Sita over there, and she was so beautiful. I wanted to get Sita for you. That’s why I went there.
She had no intention. In fact, she tried to kill Sita, because she was sure that neither Ram nor Lakshman is accepting me, because they are, because Sita is coming in their way. But she completely turned around over there, and then she started describing the beauty of Sita, and by describing her beauty, she triggered Ravana’s lust, and when Ravana’s lust was triggered, then he went and abducted Sita.
He tried to give all kinds of plans to schemes to gain her. So, it was not Ravana’s fraternal devotion that made her, made Ravana go and abduct Sita. It was his own lust.
There is a clear description in the Ramayana that when Shurpanakha mentioned that is Ram, Ravana was not ready to go, and Shurpanakha changed everything and started describing Sita’s beauty in very sensuous terms. That is when Ravana agreed to go. So, it’s not that Ravana was any great brother.
Now, in later retellings of the Ramayana, it’s further told that actually, Shurpanakha, because she was also a royal princess, so she was married to a she was married to a very strong demon. His name was Dushtabuddhi. And this Dushtabuddhi, at one particular point, he became so powerful that Ravana felt that he will be a threat to me.
And then Ravana arranged a whole conspiracy by which he had Dushtabuddhi kid. And when Shurpanakha came to know about this, she was furious. And then she wanted to take revenge.
And then that is why in order to take revenge, she incited the lust of Ravana by describing about Sita. Shurpanakha when she saw how Ram single-handedly killed 40,000 warriors at Janasthan along with Kardusher and Trishira. She understood that nobody can face Ram.
Even Ravana will not be able to face. But she thought, it is through this Ram that I can take revenge. This Ravana, he has made me a widow.
Now I will take revenge against him. And Ram will become my instrument. So, there was no really selfless paternal love either from Ram’s side towards Shurpanakha or from Shurpanakha’s side towards Ram.
They were demoniac and they were just using each other for their own agendas. Now, regarding the second point about, did Ram not stand by Sita through thick and thin? See, later on, Ram sending Sita to the forest is one of the most difficult aspects of the Ramayana to understand. So, I will start with one important point.
Sometimes people say, you know, Ram was just concerned about his reputation. And because of that reputation, people were criticising that Sita was unchaste, that’s why he abandoned her. But, you know, that was not the only consideration.
If you go in Krishna Leela, that same lord who has come as Ram, he comes as Krishna. And there is a story of a demon named Bhaumasura or Narakasura. He had actually abducted, he had actually defeated many kings and he abducted their princesses.
Bhaumasura? Yeah, Bhaumasura. So, he had actually abducted 16,000 princesses like this. And he had imprisoned them.
And when Krishna came and killed, defeated this Bhaumasura and killed him. And he released those princesses. And at that time his princesses, he said, what will we do now? Now that we have been abducted by him, although he had not violated them.
His plan was he was going to do a sacrifice to Pashupatinath. He was going to kill the kings and sacrifice. And then he was going to consummate his relationship with those princesses.
So, they had not been violated that way. But still, in the eyes of society, they had been abducted. He said, who will accept us now? What will we do with these queens? And Krishna asked, what do you want? He said, you accept us.
And Krishna accepted. That’s how Krishna had 16,108 queens. It was, if you want to, in today’s language, if you want to say, it was a female rehabilitation programme.
All those women, he restored them not just to respectability but to glory. And at that time, for a king to have many queens was common. So, the point is, Krishna, if he had been concerned about reputation, he said, you know, your reputation is spoiled.
I will not marry you. So, Krishna was not simply reputation driven. See the contrast here.
Krishna did not have any relationship with them. He developed a relationship even when their reputation was scarred. Then why would that same lord, just because of her reputation’s cake, give up a relationship with someone with whom he was already married? And, not only married, for her, he had fought a big war and got her back.
So, it’s not simply reputation. See, the Ramayana has a particular spirit. And the spirit is of right beyond right.
Right beyond right means, in terms of facts, this may be right and this may be wrong. But think of some higher principles. So, for example, right from the beginning itself, when Ram is exiled to the forest, Lakshmana is furious.
And Lakshmana says, you should fight for your rights. You have done nothing wrong. Why should you be banished like that? Lakshmana is furious.
And Lakshmana is so angry, he says, he is so angry with Dashratha that he doesn’t even refer to Dashratha as his father. The king has become blinded by lust for his youngest queen. And because of that, he has lost his moral sense.
And therefore, oh Ram, you should overthrow the king and take the kingdom. So now, at that time, what does Ram say? See from the point of view simply of right and wrong, you know, it’s, for Ram to go to the forest in exile for no fault of his, it’s not right, it’s wrong. But the mood of the Ramayana is the mood of sacrifice.
So Ram says that for the sake, for the sake of my father’s words, I’ll sacrifice my throne to it. Similarly, Sita, she is not obliged to go. In fact, Ram actively discourages her from going.
But still, she insists on going. Then Lakshmana, Lakshmana doesn’t have to go. He has no duty.
In fact, Ram tells him that you should stay here and you should take care of my mother and your mother. Lakshmana says, no, I won’t be with you. So Lakshmana has a sacrifice.
Lakshmana, Lakshmana is going. His wife Urmila says, I also want to come with you. He says, no, if you come with me, then I’ll have to take care of you.
But I am there to serve her. He says, you stay here. He says, you know, I have two roles.
I am a husband. No, I am a brother, younger brother. And I am also a son.
So he says, if everybody in my family had been here, I would have served my elder brother and I would have served my parents also. But I cannot do that. So he says, you are my Ardhangini.
You are my wife. So on behalf of me, you take care of my mother. You take care of my mother and I’ll serve my brother.
So then she does that. She is separated from 14 years for her. And they are just newly married.
So she is separated from her husband also for 14 years. So the whole ethos of the Ramayana is an ethos of sacrifice. And that same ethos of sacrifice is continued on in the exile of Sita.
Now first of all, to use the word exile is extremely harsh. Although it is used, it is not exactly the same kind of exile that Ram went to. So when Ram went to exile, it is into the forest, into the jungle, among the wild animals.
But when Sita was sent out of the palace, she was still in Ram’s kingdom only. Lakshman took her near Valmiki’s ashram. And he told her, you can go and stay in Valmiki’s ashram.
And in Valmiki’s ashram, there were many elderly ladies also. They treated her like their own daughter. And she was well taken care of.
She didn’t have royal comforts over there. But she was well taken care of. And certainly, it was devastating for Sita.
But if we focus on that mood of sacrifice, then it is not just Sita who sacrificed. It is Ram also who sacrificed. Ram did not just ditch his wife so that he could marry some other woman.
You know, Ram was a king and he could have told her. Actually, the priest told him, if you have to perform yajnas, then you have to have a queen with you. So they told him, either you get Sita back or you remarry.
Now they knew Ram would not remarry, so they thought he will get Sita back. But then he said, either you, I cannot get Sita back. He said, you have to remarry.
So what did he do? He got an effigy of Sita married. And that effigy would be next to him. So, in a sense, although Ram was in the kingdom, still he also sacrificed.
It is not that he abandoned her and he was enjoying. The whole mood of the Ramayana is a mood of sacrifice. Sacrifice for some higher principles.
Sacrifice for some higher cause. So, it is actually, it is an oversimplification to the point of distortion to say that Ram did not stand by Sita’s side. See, sometimes in our lives, we face different roles.
Say, we face a conflict between our different roles. Say, for example, there is a father who is a doctor. And say, his daughter’s birthday is there today.
It is a birthday party. And at that time from the hospital, emergency call comes. What should he do at that time? He has his duty as his father.
He has to be there. Birthday is important occasion for his daughter. But then the patient may die in the hospital.
Sometimes two roles pull us in different directions. And then what to do, it becomes difficult to decide. So, that is what happened to Ram at that time.
Now, he had his role as a husband. As a husband, he has to protect his wife. Be there with her through thick and thin.
But Ram is not just a husband. Ram is also a king. And as a king, he has to set an example of detachment.
Because the king has the opportunity for the maximum enjoyment. He has maximum facilities for enjoyment. And if the king is not, if the king is attached, then everybody will become attached.
So, king has to set an example of detachment. And that detachment means, even the nearest one is even perceived as as having some defect, is having flawed, then his continuing with her would be seen as his attachment. So, he had to choose between his duty as a king and his duty as a husband.
So, what did he do? He, for the, see, the whole idea of the Ramayana is for the higher cause, give up something which may be important for you. That’s the mood. Lakshman could have said, you know, I have my family, I have my life, I cannot give it up all for the sake of Ram.
But he gave it up. Same way, what Ram did was, he did not reject Sita per se, but he sent Sita away from the palace. And because she was still in his kingdom, Valmiki’s ashram was in his kingdom, she was still indirectly in his protection.
So, he reconciled the conflicting pulls of his two duties as a king and as a husband by sending Sita away. But it is not that he just abandoned her when the going got tough. Actually, if it was abandonment, then he could have switched with someone else.
He did not do that. So, we have to actually, the Ramayana is teaching a very deep lesson, a lesson of sacrifice for a higher cause. Does it answer your question? Right Krishna.
Any other questions? You know, you asked me from like one of our professors in Stockholm. She is in India right now. So, like, I related to it.
So, when we talk about the importance of disciplic succession by scripture masters so far and all, they question how authentic the parampara is. And furthermore, how authentic the scriptures are. Like, how do we have… Furthermore, they go on to say that fiction books, they are written out of imagination.
So, how do we know that even the scriptures for that matter are not written out of imagination? Like, many people don’t believe when we give them scriptural evidence in light of all the things that have taken place. So, how do we convince them? Many questions here. Let’s take one at a time.
So, how do we convince people that the scriptures are true? Can they not just be books of fiction written by someone? Yes, it’s possible that they may just be books of fiction. At the same time, we’ll see there are significant differences. The first difference you could see is simply in the quality of the people who are studying scripture and teaching scripture.
Usually, the people who study fiction, enjoy fiction, they are not really very deep thinkers. Their idea is, you just don’t want to think much, just stop thinking, start enjoying. You’re just bored with life, just go into the fictional world and enjoy that world.
That’s how people watch movies or read novels or whatever. But if you look at the quality of the people, you know, objectively speaking, you look at the kind of philosophy that is there in the Bhagavatam, Shukadeva Goswami or Shiva Goswami, you’ll see they are very deep thinkers. Very deeply philosophical people.
Very intelligent people. So, these people who are very intelligent, even from objective standards of today, they’re phenomenally intelligent. So, why would such people not just enjoy, not just write fiction, but dress it up as if to appear as if it’s reality? When they have actually given up the reality of this world.
They have renowned this world, many of them, for the sake of absorption in the world, in whatever character they’re talking about in scripture. So, two things I’m relating over here. One is, that these are not just sentimental people who are attracted to something.
They’re philosophical people, deep thinkers. And secondly, these deep thinkers are not only giving philosophical arguments to describe how Krishna and his pastimes, they are a higher reality. But, not only are they giving philosophical reasoning for that, but they’re also giving their own example, that they’re ready to give up the pleasure of this world for the sake of absorption in Krishna.
So, just the sheer quality of people who are actually studying, teaching and discussing this scripture, you’ll see that there’s a categorical difference from the quality of people who are consumers of fiction. That’s the first point. Second point is, the effect.
If we study Krishna Leela, if we hear Krishna Leela, we will find our heart getting purified. We’ll feel ourselves being transformed. We’ll start experiencing higher consciousness.
This will not happen by reading any other fiction. And this is something, this transformation, it’s almost like scientific. Scientific in the sense that anyone in any part of the world, if they start chanting Krishna’s name, if they start practising Krishna Bhakti, they’ll find their bad habits going away.
They’ll find themselves becoming better persons. Transformation happens. It won’t happen just by reading any fiction story.
Fiction story may give us some, even some inspiration also sometimes. But that’s all that is. Here there is not just inspiration, there is tangible transformation that happens.
Not just among one or two people, among so many people. Especially those who approach it. Approach it not just as again mythology or just an entertaining story.
Those who approach it with philosophical understanding. That transformation takes place. And thirdly, as far as ordinary fiction is concerned and Krishna’s life is concerned, as is described in scripture.
Scripture offers us a complete world view that helps us make sense of life. Now I may read Harry Potter and I may love it. It’s fine.
But Harry Potter doesn’t really explain to me who am I? What is the purpose of life? There is no philosophical explanation at all over there. So we cannot know for sure that scripture is describing higher reality. But we can logically infer.
And what scripture itself tells us is that it is like a guidebook for life. In 16.24 in the Bhagavad Gita Krishna says that therefore based on shastra know what is to be done and what is not to be done. And by acting thus you will attain success in life.
Suppose I get a very high tech device. Maybe some smart watch. It has so many buttons and so many menus.
I just don’t know what all it is. And somebody tells me this is a manual. Now if I assume that the cover page has got torn or something like that.
If I have a book, how do I know whether that book is the manual for this device? Two ways. One is that that book will help me to make better sense of the device. Oh this button is for this.
This menu icon means this. It will help me to make better sense. And secondly it will help me to better operate the device.
To better work and get more productivity out of the device. First is making sense and second is operating. Same way we can look at scripture.
And we can evaluate. Does studying scripture help us make better sense of life? And secondly does scripture help us to live life better? And we will find that these two things do happen. Scripture helps us not only is scripture sensible, it helps us make sense of life.
And we live according to scripture principles we will find that our life becomes better. We will feel more peaceful, more joyful. So in that way we can infer that scripture is a revelation which is coming from God.
And it is meant to be a guidebook for life. It contains stories but these are not just fictional. They are transcendental.
They are… Krishna Leela is fantastic but it is not fantasy. It is the highest reality. Okay? So regarding the other question about disciplic succession, how do we know it is authentic? Whatever knowledge is coming down the succession.
Again, this is we have to look at what is knowable for us. We can look at the fruit. It means say if there is a sequence of 50 people in a queue and they are all having cough.
And there is a doctor who gives medicine. And if the doctor gives the medicine to first person, that first person gets, cough gets cured. And then from that first person, the medicine is passed on to second person, third person, fourth person and I am the 50th in the queue.
Now when I get the medicine, how will I know that that medicine is the right medicine, same medicine. Somebody could have put that real medicine in their pocket and put a counterfeit over there. How can I know that? Now I cannot be there right from the first person to 50th person, checking everyone.
Even in ordinary medicine also, there are sometimes furious medicines which come up. We can’t be there checking everything. What we do is phallayena parichayate.
phallayena parichayate means know by the fruit. So if the first person took the medicine and their cough got cured and I take the medicine and my cough gets cured, then I can be reasonably safe to infer that okay, the same medicine has come to me also. So like that if we look at the Bhagavad Gita and see what was the effect on its original student and then I look at what is the effect today.
So basically scripture tells us scripture has a lot of knowledge but there’s two essential things that are told in scripture. There is sadhya and sadhan. Sadhya is what is the goal of life? What is it that is to be achieved in life ultimately? And sadhan is what is the means to achieve it.
Sadhya and sadhan. This is what scripture primarily tells us. So what was Arjuna’s understanding? Arjuna himself understood that is described in the Bhagavad Gita itself in 13th, 14th, 15th he tells that param brahma param dhama pavitram paramam bhava.
Krishna you are the supreme truth. And at the end of the Bhagavad Gita in 18.73 he tells karishye vachanam tava I will do your will. So Arjuna understand that the sadhya is Bhagawan Sri Krishna.
And Arjuna understand that the sadhan is surrender to Krishna, practising bhakti, doing seva to him. And today thousands of years down the line if we come in the association of devotees in the Krishna consciousness movement, we will see that what is their understanding? They get the same understanding. Sadhya is Krishna, sadhan is bhakti.
So in this way by falenu parichayati we can understand that because the same fruit is coming at the start of the reciprocal succession when the knowledge was given and the same fruit is coming now. Today we can see it in those who are trying to live the Gita that is what their understanding is. So we can be reasonably assure that the essential knowledge has come down safely through the parampara.
Okay? Thank you. Thank you so much. She has gone to India for further education.
So her question is In the sadhan absence of devotee association, how does one maintain enthusiasm in Krishna consciousness and avoid monotony? Especially after having a completely Krishna conscious and protected childhood. Okay. So if suddenly we lose the association of devotees after having been a lot very protected nicely in devotee association, how do we avoid monotony? How do we protect ourselves? Generally, the protection in association is actually through engagement.
This association of devotees, it gives us facility to engage ourselves in doing something devotional. So if we don’t have devotee association, then we can try to find out some devotional engagement. So devotional engagement can be of various types.
Nowadays, we are all connected to the technology. So we can still be doing some seva. We can make some artwork.
I am just generally giving some ideas. But the point is, we can connect with each other even now through service. So we get some ideas.
You know, maybe we can discuss this. We can discuss this book. Even if we are some friends.
We may not be meeting constantly. We are physically far away. But still we can relate with each other.
So basically, if we can find out some engagement which we can do and through that engagement we connect with other devotees. Then that is one way we can survive through that lack of association also. So keep engaged.
Find out something which we feel inspired to do and do it for Krishna. And who knows that opportunity may help us to find some talent which we not developed earlier. And we may be able to do something wonderful for Krishna also.
Another thing is that when there is no association try to create association. Try to create association means wherever we are, try to find out some people. See, anywhere we go there is social circle.
There are some people who are completely materialistic. Some people who are little pious. And there might be one or two people who are little spiritually interested.
Try to share Krishna bhakti with them. If we try to create association, not in a very aggressive way that I am right and you are wrong. But in a friendly way, sharing way.
Then that can be very powerful. Because if we have the spirit of sharing bhakti with others in our friend circle, whoever is there then wherever we go we will always have an opportunity to do some service. And thirdly, we can see this as an opportunity to increase our appreciation for devotees.
For association. That is, we said that separation does to love what wind does to fire. Separation does to love what wind does to fire.
Like there is a forest fire and then a wind comes. And what happens? The forest fire spreads. It becomes much much bigger.
Sometimes when there is forest fire, the worst thing that firefighters fear is the wind over there. Now, so like that if our love for Krishna love for devotees it is like a fire, forest fire. Then separation will become like a wind.
It will make the fire blaze more and more. And we will appreciate devotees association more and more and when we get association we will really cherish it in future. At the same time, sometimes if the fire is not a forest fire, it is a candle.
And then wind comes. What will happen? The candle will be extinguished. So like that, if our own bhakti is very tender it’s very weak then separation can extinguish it also.
So we should see this as an opportunity to make our own bhakti stronger. That we can appreciate it more. And if we have deep impressions, we draw on those impressions and manifest the determination thereby and we can see it as a test from Krishna.
And what happens is when a test is difficult to pass but if we pass, we get promoted. So, Krishna will be very pleased if we survive even in such an association and try to see how we can get more and more association and try to come back to association as much as possible, whenever possible. But most importantly, if we show Krishna that we want to practise bhakti, Krishna will make some arrangement by which we will get some association somewhere.
Does I answer the question? Thank you very much for your attention and participation. Hare Krishna.