Should there be dowry in devotee-marriages?

Nowadays in the younger generation there is a strong opposition to dowry as they feel it reduces marriage to a auction. But the older generation feels that dowry is a part of the culture and they expect, even demand, it at the time of marriage. Should a young devotee who wants to get married go along with the current trend of opposing dowry or go along with the family’s desire to have dowry?

Transcript

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thank you Hare Krishna question should there be dowry in devotee marriages in the current generation there is a strong opposition to dowry because young people feel that dowry reduces marriage to a auction but in the older generation the people feel that it is a part of the culture and they expect even demand dowry at the time of marriage so as a young devotee who wants to get married should we go along with the current generation this trend of opposing dowry or go along with the family who expects dowry answer dowry the way it is done today is not the way or the intention of what it was traditionally today dowry basically becomes like a precondition to marriage, a demand and when the demand is not satisfied sometimes the bride is abused and there are horrible things that happen bridal burnings also happen so this is ghastly and this is legally dowry also very strongly punishable and morally it is unconscionable and scripturally it is unsustainable so morally two people are coming together how can they abuse each other how can one abuse another just for some money which is to be expected which was supposed to be given earlier in the past the idea for dowry was that in the Vedic system of of inheritance the women would not get the property the property would go to the sons but the daughters would get the dowry and the dowry would be the money of the mother who would give it to her daughter and the husband actually had no right on the dowry the dowry which was given would stay as the property of the daughter and the husband needed in family emergencies would have to take the permission of his wife and then take that money and the wife eventually would give that to the daughter so in that way it formed a system of financial security for the women so and when the parents gave it it was out of affection for their daughter it was not because of demand and threats and abuses by potential and fear of potential abuses by the in-laws so first and foremost as devotees we should also not support the system of dowry as it is present today and whenever that question comes up we have to have a clear understanding of what it is and share that clear understanding now of course when people ask for dowry today they will not ask in blunt terms they may say what gift will you give to the girl when you get to the husband when he gets married so they may ask it in polite terms but that euphemism does not disguise the reality as you have mentioned that it is often an auction so moreover the dowry was not mandatory even in the Vedic times in the Mahabharata we see that when Bhishma being like the family elder is arranging for the marriages of Pandu and Dhritarashtra he goes to the king of Madri Shalva Shalya and asks for his sister Madri in marriage to Pandu as Pandu’s wife so at that time Shalya says that actually it is our custom in our culture, in our dynasty it is our custom that at the time of marriage the boy gives a gift to the girl and the boy’s family gives a gift to the girl’s family now this is exactly opposite of the Vedic system of what we think the dowry what we think the Vedic system is and what the current dowry system is so when Bhishma Pitamah hears this he says yes I know about your tradition and I will honour the tradition and actually Bhishma Pitamah gives a tribute to Shalya now that is not actually it is not a business transaction where the girl is purchased but rather it is a way of honouring the girl so this is also been a tradition in many cultures, in Native American culture, in African culture this is called as a bride price and the idea is that the bride price is given it is a way of honouring the bride, it is not a way of purchasing the bride but honouring the bride so it doesn’t have to either way dehumanize or commodify the female or the male as it happens in dowry when there is excessive materialism then the bride price becomes a way to monetize a woman this is the price for the woman and when there is excessive materialism dowry becomes a way to monetize the man where this is ok, this man is so educated, he has this much earning this much security, therefore to marry him this much money should be given so this sort of monetization and materialism is entirely opposed to spiritual culture and we shouldn’t think that the dowry is an essential part of Vedic culture so we see from this example that there was other way also, the boy’s family giving money to the girl’s family was also there in Vedic culture, in the Mahabharata itself it is mentioned and it is honoured by an authority as great as Bhishma Pitamah who is a Mahajan so therefore it is not that in order to defer to our in order to defer to Vedic culture one has to take or give dowry, that is a decision which one has to take individually based on time and place circumstances, so it is not directly related with Bhakti, Srila Prabhupada explains that dowry was an expression of affection but with respect to devotee marriages it’s up to the individual so as devotees we want to have a spiritual devotional centre to all our relationships even including the marriage relationship so therefore whether having a dowry will lead to excessive monetization or materialism in the relationship we’ll have to check that and then accordingly decide, so it’s not that devotees have to give and take dowry nor is it that devotees have to completely oppose and reject dowry, it will depend on time and place circumstance and one will have to take the decision based on one’s own individual conscience and individual circumstance but the most important thing one shouldn’t just support the current perverted system of dowry where it becomes an expression of where marriage becomes sort of auction, that definitely should not be supported but that does not mean that we have to join in and entirely oppose the Vedic culture and as is done by feminists and other people who as they say throw out the baby with the bath water that means because they find this system of dowry bad so they want to reject everything Vedic the entire Vedic culture but we shouldn’t join either extremes and we should ensure that our relationships are properly spiritually centered and we should choose that course of action which will be favorable for this spiritual centering of our relationships. Thank you. So do we need to continuously