Should we not tell others that they have hurt us so that they don’t feel hurt?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
sometimes if we are not emotionally mature enough, then we may hesitate to tell others that we have been hurt, tell others that they have done something wrong and even to actually administer justice, we may feel hesitant, we may feel guilty about it actually that is not guilt guilt is more of when we have done something wrong and we feel bad about doing something wrong but this is more of, you could call reticence reticence means a hesitation to express oneself it may be sensitivity it can be hypersensitivity also sometimes we don’t want to hurt others and that’s why we endure our own hurts and now yes sometimes in relationships we do have to learn to tolerate but then there is no need to unnecessarily set ourselves up for hurt, if something is hurting us and we should communicate if we have difficulty in communicating it is often good that when things are at a boiling point that time don’t speak anything because that is the time when we speak also we don’t have control over our emotions and we may make things worse so at that time just take a step back because even if we are emotionally mature still circumstances in life they can just throw us off our emotional balance so in the heat of the moment it is good not to act, just calm down, let some time pass I try to follow up all this if I am angry with someone I sometimes, I usually feel that I can communicate better by writing so I write an email to them and then I make sure that for at least 24 hours I don’t send the email I write it and keep it in my draft now what happens if I don’t write it, all that those emotions are are festering within me it’s like a pressure cooker that is increasing more and more it needs a release but there are certain emotions which I need to express but that doesn’t mean they need to hear those emotions so there has to be a vent in between and I have found that this sort of thing helps once you get those emotions out, calm down ourselves a day pass and then we look at here I am overreacting here maybe there could be some other factor, this is a valid point I think I can clarify this, so once we have got the emotions out then we calm down then we can ourselves evaluate our feelings and then sometimes I just delete the whole mail and never send it sometimes I send the edited part of the mail on a few occasions, very few occasions I would say never have I sent that mail as it is to anyone because when we are angry we often express ourselves, when we are angry we may feel that I am motivated by justice I want the right thing to happen but anger blinds us and when we are angry we may start off wanting the right thing but by the time the emotion of anger takes over our focus shifts on not on release on curing the hurt that we have had our whole focus shifts to hurting others you did this you like that you like that so one devotee told me that once he was in an authoritative position and he just got very angry with some devotee just blasted out at that devotee and that devotee he had come over, I am coming to meet a single devotee so he had kept his mobile recording on laughter laughter laughter after that that devotee he brought this recording and he said when I heard what I had spoken I was shocked, how could I have spoken such things so that junior devotee had no intention of catching him there, that way but still he says that when we are angry anger makes us strangers to ourselves like sometimes some persons I can’t recognize you who is this, I know who you are but you are not behaving like that person so its anger is almost like a ghost possesses us and makes us speak and act in ways very out of characteristic with who we are that’s why when we are under very strong emotions at that time we shouldn’t immediately take an action just calm down, let some time pass and when I said don’t talk about others that does not mean that we shouldn’t talk at all if we have some very close devotee who is not going to indulge in backbiting who is not going to indulge in gossiping just taking a third person’s perspective can help but basically calm down let time pass not long amount of time because then what we try to bury inside that will come out in ugly forms but don’t just let it went out immediately and we can find out means by which we can express ourselves properly some devotees may find that writing things down and giving a letter to someone sending email to someone that might help others may find meeting, talking one to one helps so we have to find out what is the best way but especially if you are going to talk about topics which are emotionally charged we should have proper time for that it’s not that just before we are going to office we just blast out at a family member and then when they are about to clarify, I have to go to office whenever we express we have to express it in a way that leads to some resolution of the situation and then we give adequate time for resolving the situation also so basically we may not have sattva guna immediately but we can develop sattva guna by creating basically patience don’t express immediately calm down, evaluate and then act and we may not have emotional maturity but just by doing this process itself we will develop emotional maturity by trying to calm down, by trying not to express ourselves immediately by that we develop emotional maturity any other questions? yes I can read this