​What is the difference between being selfish and thinking of oneself first?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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so what is the line between being selfish and thinking about oneself see when we are selfish it is basically that we don’t care for the other person hmm whereas thinking about the self means simply that our thoughts go to the about myself first but that doesn’t mean i don’t think about the other person at all okay i think about myself first then i think about a second other person when there is intense love i may think about the other person first that’s fine but even if that is not happening if i’m thinking primarily about me or exclusively about me i don’t care for the other person at all then that is a that is a problem so over a period of time in a relationship people understand each other in the sense that you know this thing upsets this person or this thing is important for this person and even after knowing something is important for this person still they neglect it even after knowing that something is where something is something is like a sensitive spot still that they persevere with that or whatever then that indicates a that indicates selfishness and so think about oneself first yes with the great love one may outgrow that but even if that doesn’t happen then okay i think of myself this is what i would like to do but then i think what will they think about this and if they don’t like it is it really worth doing it how i’m going to explain it so if that kind of thinking only is not there so you know i cannot i cannot not think from my perspective i’ll always think from my perspective but along with that i if i’m in a close relationship with someone i should also be able to think from the other person’s perspective i cannot think entirely from their perspective but at least to some extent so if that is not happening at all then that is selfishness so say the difference between thinking from between thinking selfishly and thinking about yourself is that is whether one does sooner or later think from the other person’s perspective if one doesn’t think from the other person’s perspective at all then that is definitely selfishness well if you’re going through that situation where you find people are repeatedly selfish it is not so much that we reject it depends on the nature of the relationship also see there are all relationships are ultimately reciprocations so if a person doesn’t reciprocate when people reciprocate the two people come closer and closer people don’t reciprocate then the distance between them increases so certain relationships just function best at a certain level of distance there’s a saying that you know good fences make good neighbors so like that in certain relationships it’s not it’s not necessary that that all relationships have to be intimate or close relationships even among family members also you know sometimes there are three four sisters or three four brothers two brother two two of them may be close to each other other two may not be so close to each other so like that even in the family also sometimes there will be different levels of distance between different family different members in the family that may not be the best but we have to work with what we have so if we have too much expectation from someone and that person is repeatedly disappointing us then better to have that relationship at a certain distance and then whatever intimacy you know we have other friends we have other family members other other relatives or whatever we find that intimate connection elsewhere maybe over a period of time the proximity will come more and more it’s you know love can be one way but relationship cannot be one way a loving relationship has to be both ways so there’s no not adequate reciprocation then i think we want to have a closer relationship but we also have to protect ourselves from rejection or disappointment and then we need not we also are finite beings so we cannot invest too much in we cannot invest in all relationships so we’ll this we can decide which relationship i want to invest in more and that will often depend on how the other person will reciprocate does it answer the question thank you very Krishna very Krishna so people may accept a