How can we avoid blurting out and learn to think before speaking?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Question from Shankar Bhu.
How can we learn to be more silent and not want to put, give our 2 cents and speak our views in every conversation that takes place on various topics? And how can we basically avoid blurting out and become more thoughtful about what we are speaking. Answer? Generally, thoughtfulness before any kind of action is a characteristic of the mode of goodness. So in general, contemplation, contemplation not in the sense of contemplation of sense objects, but thoughtfulness.
Contemplation before action is a characteristic of goodness. And action before contemplation is the characteristic of passion. Generally, by the practice of devotional service, we come towards the mode of goodness.
But along with that, we can also consciously try to cultivate the mode of goodness by which we will be able to do adequate thinking before we act. So what does it mean to cultivate the mode of goodness? It basically means we learn to, with respect to this context at least, it basically means we learn to develop our own pause button. Pause button means that generally when we know that we are going to get carried away in certain situations, we plan some way by which we can check ourselves.
So this pause button can vary. A standard pause button could be this chanting. Now, for example, when we feel agitated by lust or anger or greed at that time, we can chant and that can slow us down.
But along with that, sometimes when these situations come up, we don’t feel like chanting also. Or even the thought of chanting may not come in our mind. It’s blurred out at that time.
But over a period of time, we can learn by observing ourselves which are the situations when we are prone to do certain things which we would not like ourselves to do. Like speaking impulsively. So, when we know, OK, when I am in this social group, when I am in this kind, this group of devotees, this group of people, at that time, generally my guards go down and I try to speak up.
Generally speaking, when we are with Sita devotees, then often we are quite cautious and circumspect about what we speak. But then with our equal, sometimes with our juniors, we may speak in a little less guarded way. Guarded not in the sense of we want to guard us, hide any secrets.
But guarded in the sense that we want to speak things that are overall consistent with Guru Sadashastra and that actually reflect our true values, not just some impulses that are running through our mind at that particular time. So, the pause button could be that if we know that in this situation I am going to, I am prone to be vulnerable, then I plan that I will avoid that particular association, that group. I can meet those devotees individually, but I may not meet them collectively because then the banter becomes a little too lighthearted.
Or even if I meet them, I will make sure that I keep the time limited. Or even when I am talking, even when I am there, I will make sure that if this topic comes up, I will not speak on this topic. So, in general, forewarned is forearmed.
So, if I know there is a speed breaker ahead on the road, naturally I will drive more cautiously. Otherwise, I may drive fast and I will just get a jolt and be thrown off also. So, similarly, it’s good for us to be able to observe when we are likely to face jolts and prepare for them accordingly.
So, if we can make some policies for ourselves, for example, if I get angry with someone and if I am going to, if I feel like writing an angry letter, then I try my best to make sure that I don’t send that email for at least 24 hours. Then that cooling down period helps me to regain perspective. And then I read the same letter after a day or so.
And I find that in this point, I was too unduly harsh. I don’t know. I don’t really mean this.
I don’t want to hurt others. And although there are issues which need to be addressed, they could be addressed in a different tone, in a different mood. So, that way, if we can make some plans for ourselves, sometimes in discussions, certain issues come up which we feel we have a stake in, those issues are important for us.
And that’s why we would like our side to be heard. But if they are high octane, if they are conversations which involve a lot of emotions for us and others, then it’s best to not necessarily speak our perspective at that point. And we could speak it later or just speak it briefly and ask for a future meeting where we could have more thoughtful presentation of what we would like to do.
And overall, generally when we go in a devotee association, we also try to select as much as possible that devotee association that brings out the best within us and not the devotee association that brings out the worst or the lower part within us. Now, can devotee association bring out the worst within us? You would like to think no. But you have to understand that not all devotees come with the same level of seriousness within the Krishna Consciousness movement.
Some devotees actually come to Krishna Consciousness more because they want a social circle or some of them may come even because of some ulterior motives. And it’s not that they are not devotees or they are bad, but they practice devotional service. So that is definitely good.
But if we find that the effect of certain devotees is that in their association, our restraints go off. Then we have to check whether that association is healthy for us. We can still respect those devotees, but sometimes we can maybe keep a little bit distance, respect them from a distance.
Vishwanath Chakratakur says that even in devotee association, if a devotee’s behavior is not exemplary, then it’s best not to associate with those devotees closely, but respect them from a distance. For example, some devotees like to do gossip. And when we are in their association, in one sense, our desire to be recognized or to be valued becomes distorted into a desire to gossip the most sensational things, so that we will get recognized and valued.
And then that way, although it’s devotee association, it’s bringing out the worst within us. Often we may end up gossiping things which are not true or which are a small fragment, a small shard of truth and a huge aspect of distortion within it. So if we know there are devotees who are not interested in things like gossiping, say devotees who come together and they discuss some philosophy, some shastra, some aspects of Krishna conscious culture, Krishna conscious scripture understanding, then that association will bring out the best within us.
So by this way, first of all, by preparing and by anticipating and preparing circumstances when we may be inclined to speak wrong things and say by developing a pause button accordingly. So pause button could be chanting Hare Krishna, pause button could be making a policy for ourselves that in such situations, I will not give an instantaneous response. Or it could be also by preparing by avoiding or keeping a distance from that kind of devotee association which brings out our lower side.
We can make sure that our overall speaking becomes more in harmony with how we would like it to be, more in harmony with our aspiration as devotees.