How should relatives of a suicide resolve their anger towards that person?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XxL0qFPmhU

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna. Question if someone in the family suddenly commits suicide over some trivial reason and that leaves all the other family members shocked and anger because of this careless acting sensitive to the grief of others then how can the family members deal with the anger towards the person who has done this as that person is now gone away and nothing can be done to change it answer that anger is entirely understandable and the important thing is that we don’t deny our emotions but we also don’t let our emotions deny us our intelligence and our right to live a proper life so what another person does is ultimately not in our control actually Prabhupada writes in the first ISKCON to purport that when things are beyond human control then there is nothing to be there is nothing to be to lament about it there is nothing to blame for that because things are just beyond human control so we do not have control over other people’s actions we have control over only our responses so now if the relatives and family members had done whatever they could to help that person have a normal good life and in spite of that the person did something impulsively which was so bad like committing suicide then first and most important thing is to recognize that the relatives should not let any hangover of guilt for that person’s guilt and cripple them burden them because we have to recognize that what can we do for others we can provide knowledge we can provide facilities we can provide example we can provide knowledge of what is to be what should be done what should not be done so we can provide facilities yes everybody faces frustrations in life we can provide facilities for people to express and resolve those frustrations to cope with them and then we can give an example so how we deal with frustration is also important to ourselves but if we have done this and then in spite of that somebody else has something wrong we have to recognize that first of all we should not hold ourselves guilty about it we should not let that burden us now regarding the anger towards that person we need to know that forgiveness is vital for our good and for the good of our loved ones so now we may find it very difficult to forgive for some activity that is so irrational and also when that person is not there asking for the forgiveness but the important thing is that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven so by remembering our past love for that person and because that person is gone now so why do we want our memory of that person to be a memory of anger and disappointment and betrayal rather we dwell on other happier memories which we had of that person and continue on with life so for that so for our memory of that person to be not tinged with anger and negativity it’s important that we forgive otherwise that will be like a untreated uncovered wound in our heart which will constantly keep hurting us which we kept festering and getting worse so for us to clean and treat and cure that wound what is important is to forgive so we forgive because our love is greater than our anger our anger is ultimately an expression of our love we naturally feel that whatever was the problem we could have all worked together and resolved the problem why did somebody have to do something like this so that anger is natural and it is entirely understandable but if we go deeper we have to recognize that our love is the reason for our anger and we had a good relationship with that person so why do we want anger to be the last memory or the enduring memory of that person for us that love can be the memory so let the love for that person which is causing that anger let that love overshadow the anger so based on the love that we have for that person and we had for that person when he was alive we can draw within ourselves the power and forgive that person now forgiving is not just a matter of saying with words saying with words is also important but is also of changing the emotions in our heart it’s like letting go as long as we don’t forgive we are holding huge sacks on our head so even mentally visualizing that ok, I forgive now and I let this anger I let this resentment I let this betrayal I leave it and in all those, especially if we chant Hare Krishna, pray to Krishna then that helps us it lifts us above those emotions of anger and frustration when we, just like if we are at the bottom of a skyscraper the skyscraper appears so big that we practically can’t see anything apart from it but when we are in an airport we are lifted up say by a helicopter which drops a ladder down or rope down and lifts us up and then we are above that airplane at that time what we see is the the building has below us so the anger and the resentment and negativity will appear to be overwhelming when we are on our own alone but if we connect with Krishna through chanting, through prayer then that is like lifting ourselves up so when, it’s like once we are in a helicopter we are above the skyscraper so the emotions of grief and anger that were overwhelming us if we connect with Krishna we rise above those emotions and from that higher perspective when we got that solace by feeling Krishna’s presence and the sense of inner warmth that comes by doing spiritual activities when we are raised like that then in that prayerful mood we can visualize forgiving and releasing ourselves of the mental burden of the unresolved emotions so when we visualize, okay, I forgive and let those emotions fall away then that will help us to deal with the anger and of course we can also pray for that person’s well-being because still that anger and the forgiveness, underlying both of them was love so our love for Krishna is our original love and Krishna all around us, the people whom we love they are also parts of Krishna so our love goes to them and through them ultimately it goes to Krishna and through Krishna, and Krishna’s love comes to us through various people so we have a vertical relationship with Krishna and we have a horizontal relationship with people around us in this world so when we have very strong issues very painful upheavals in our horizontal relationships then it’s vital for us to strengthen our vertical relationship so that we can be with the shocks and the agonies that come in the horizontal relationships and not only can we sustain ourselves but we can also if we connect with Krishna and we have a strong vertical relationship then that connection with Krishna becomes like a shock absorber that helps us to endure the relationship not only endure the relationship, it also helps us to deal with the situations in a proper way that resolves the problems so two things in the horizontal relationship we remember that love is the cause of anger and let love reign over the anger and that’s why it’s best that we forgive so that our memory will be of love and not of anger of the deceased person and to be able to do that it is important that we also have a strong vertical relationship by which we raise our consciousness and go above the negative emotions connect with Krishna and thereby we do the mental visualizing exercise if required but we consciously forgive that person and that way we will be able to resolve the unresolved anger towards that person, thank you Hare Krishna