If the natures of a husband and a wife are not complementary but contradictory how can they function?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
so generally we say that husband and wife, they are opposite they have their own strengths and they compliment each other but if the opposites are such that they create they don’t compliment but rather they lead to contradiction they lead to conflict then what to do yeah it’s difficult because with the change in society, social structure now, just for surviving in a competitive world even women have to take on some masculine qualities and sometimes the men also have some effeminate qualities, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but that’s just a functional need in today’s world so we have to see that there is we all have our own conceptions of how a relationship should be now for example when we talk about gender roles we may have seen our parents we may have seen some other family member, some other relatives or some other acquaintances, how the gender roles functioned and based on that we have our own conception of how the gender roles should be and it’s quite likely that our spouse has a different conception of what the gender roles should be because before the modern age, the gender roles were quite clearly defined and people had a basic there was a more or less reasonable division of labour in family but now it is not that people don’t have, because now the society has changed so much so those the traditional gender role division may not work practically and more important than that is that we don’t all have the same conceptions, so we have a certain expectation, certain stereotype of how the gender role should be and the other person has a different expectation, different stereotype in their mind and then we expect that I will do this and you will do that but they don’t understand that, they think that I will be doing that and you will be doing that and so basically our actions flow from our conceptions so for example if I have been habituated to driving in India, then I drive in a particular direction of the road and I conceive that as the right way to drive but if I come to America and I drive from that way, I will get into trouble but I will automatically drive the way I drive in India because my action has drawn from my conception of what is right so basically if in a marital relationship if there is honest communication about what is it what is the conception of the gender role that are there what is it that a wife is expected to do, what does the husband think that a wife is expected to do, what does the wife think that she is expected to do, what does the wife think that the husband is expected to do what does the husband think that the husband is expected to do so these roles we have our conceptions based on which we have expectations but because our society is so changed, these conceptions may not our conceptions itself may not be matching with the reality of what is practical in today’s world and our conceptions may not match with the other person also so if there is clarification clarification of expectation that this is what you can do this is what I can do this is what you expect me to do but I can’t do it this is what you expect me to do, I will do it and then although there can be dissimilarities see there are there are dissimilarities there are differences and there are dissensions dissimilarity is just a fact of life that will be there then the differences I am talking about differences of opinion I think this way you think that way but the dissension means there is tension, there is conflict so dissimilarities are unavoidable we all are different and differences of opinion are also unavoidable but if there is a basic understanding which is shared then those differences don’t have to lead to dissension they don’t have to lead to conflicts that means that if if see if basically just like in a cricket match say a fielder can also sometimes play the role of a wicketkeeper and a wicketkeeper can also sometimes be a bowler and a bowler may also have to bat and the bowler may also be able to bat sometimes the batsman may also bowl but overall each of these players have their own roles and that is the role that they will do and they will do it well and in exceptional situations they can do other roles also so but if the captain is expecting the expecting the bowler to be a good batsman and the batsman bats poorly and then the the bowler is thinking the person is thinking I am here as a bowler why am I not getting a chance to bowl at all the captain is expecting the bowler to perform as a batsman not as a bowler and that is a mismatch of expectation because the roles are not understood roles are not defined so like that if there is if there is clear communication that yes we have these differences and in some cases the differences are complementary in some cases they are contradictory but this is what is the reality so you know what are the roles that what is the division of roles now is this what you are going to do is this what I am going to do so this is actually this kind of clear discussion candid discussion clear thinking this is all in the mode of goodness so when to some extent we do this then we will find that the contradictions that are there which lead to conflicts they will go down and although there may not be natural complementarity the husband and wife may not be naturally complement but they can become they may not be effortlessly complement to each other but we can become effortfully complement to each other you have to put in an effort now ok I don’t really like to do this but if this is what I need to do I’ll do it I love doing this and I’ll do this but if you also like to do it you can also do it whatever so basically if complementarity is not naturally there then complementarity has to be conscientiously established and for that for establishing that there has to be a clear understanding of what is the conception of the gender roles in the family and what is the workable reality in today’s world in that particular relationship when that is taken care of then things can be improved substantially thank you