What should we do when we are blamed for something?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UhmsMwqOvc

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna.
Question. How should we respond when someone blames us? Answer. The response will depend on multiple factors.
Firstly, whether we are being blamed for something which we have done wrong or not. And secondly, whether the person who is blaming, the very word blame conveys a negative mentality. So, it also depends on what is the mentality of that person.
And thirdly, what will be the best action to deal constructively with the situation, not just counterattack that person or defend ourselves, but to rectify the situation. So, let’s look at these one by one. When we are blamed, it is a normal human tendency to not want to be proven bad or proven wrong.
So, often we go on to a defensive by which we try to pass on the blame to someone else. It’s also, of course, possible that we have not done anything wrong, but if you have done something wrong, and it’s often difficult to admit that and it’s easy to point a finger at others, we should introspect and check whether our fault is there. We don’t have to magnify our fault, especially in a place where people don’t appreciate humility, and where people are likely to create trouble for us.
So, it’s not that we have to take more of the responsibility than necessary. But if there is some fault on our part, we can admit that and thoughtful people, intelligent people, responsible people actually appreciate this. So, how we express it and what we do that we have to see according to time, place, circumstances, no doubt, but accepting responsibility is a part of growing, very important part of growing.
And then we can clarify also, okay, this was my thinking, because of which I did this, and actually my reasoning was wrong. I admit that. That’s, if we are to be blamed, that’s how we accept responsibility, explain our reasoning, whichever whatever it is wrong, so that people understand this person is not really irrational or irresponsible or insensitive, person just thought in the wrong way.
And then that can be, basically, we can try to restore the relationship by an acknowledgement apology and by explanation. Now, if we are being blamed falsely, there can be shades in between where we are at fault partially and the other person is at fault partially, then also the same process has to be used. But if we are blamed for something which we have not done at all, then at that time, we need to logically and calmly explain our point of view.
So, in general, the once if it becomes a egoistic game, wherein that person wants to prove that I am right, and we want to prove I am right, then often the issue gets lost and the ego comes into the prominence. So, it’s good to try to whenever such blaming scenarios happen, rather than reacting immediately, it’s good to first calm ourselves down and then rationally respond to the situations. So, often, when such blames are widespread, a written clarification also helps.
So, as devotees, we do not become angry or resentful or vengeful towards the person who is blaming us, because we understand that ultimately, whatever happens to us is an instrument is because of our own past karma and that person is simply acting as an instrument of our past karma. So, if that person is causing us some pain, that’s simply because we probably caused some pain to someone and the reaction is coming to us. Now, that does not actually mean that we simply have to suffer passively.
It actually means that we should not react in ways that further entangles in bad karma. We react in ways that actually help to solve the problem. So, what that will be, that is, you know, clarifying the situation so that we don’t get unnecessarily blamed, and then doing whatever it takes to help in rectifying the situation.
So, in general, if we stay calm, and we focus on issues rather than people, then the other person also, if the person is reasonable, shifts to issues and the other person is unreasonable, then at least that unreasonability gets exposed to others, because we are sticking to issues. And that way, we can deal with the situation in a way that actually improves it. And if we are fortunate that other person is open minded, then it may improve the relationship also.