When a relative lets us down repeatedly how can we trust them?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Thank you If somebody, we are forgiven, but they are still repeating the same thing how can we trust them? No, we don’t have to necessarily trust them It’s just that we learn that different relationships work at different levels of closeness or distance So, that means, some people are very close, some people are very distant and we work with them because we are related with them but we don’t necessarily have to bring them very close to us No, but say they are close No When you say emotional, like in the heart, so you stay with them but you don’t allow them to enter the heart It’s not with entering to the heart It’s just that we, as we live in life, we understand that different people are of different natures All of us have different thoughts and certain kinds of expectations will not be fulfilled by certain people So, we just accept that and we move on with our life They say that good fences make good neighbors If the fence is not clear, then people just keep quarreling This is my probe, this is my flower, whatever So, like that, if you understand With this person, my fence can be very close With this person, the fence can be very far So, we basically renegotiate the terms of the relationship That means, some people, although they may be in terms of relationship very close to us in terms of physical relationship but in terms of emotional relationship, they may not be close to us That doesn’t mean necessarily that we break the relationship That doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with the relationship Some people are just the way they are Sometimes, biologically or physically we are brought together with some people But emotionally, two people are made two very different So, it’s not As long as basic functionality in the relationship is going on Whatever functional roles are there, we are doing good relationships We can have a relationship that works We can’t really spend our life finding or a close relationship with someone who is just not capable of the trust that is required for that level of closeness So, we don’t necessarily have to feel lonely or isolated Psychologically, what you are saying is perfectly makes sense But when you are in that situation, it’s so hard to actually register that If you have some other friends with whom also we have good relationships So, basically we have a need for love So, you fulfill that need We fulfill it with different relationships Then, that’s why family is not just one unit We are also a family, we are also a community So, we work out in a way that our emotional needs are taken care of while making sure that the particular relationships, they function well And sometimes we may find out Sometimes we find out that there are different people who It’s not that they are non-loving It’s just that the way they express love, their love will be different from what we expect We understand, this is what the person is doing, this is how they are expressing their love Sometimes some people may not express their love at all in words But if we need them for some practical help, they are there Some people, this is basically a different way in which people express love So, if we just find that out, understand how they are doing it Then we will also not be so, feel so deprived We understand, this is what this person does, this is how the person expresses And that also helps us in feeling more emotional and nourished