CC daily 65 – CCM 5.62-66 – Be not defensive or aggressive – be assertive

His claims are this he's arguing like this thank you we'll continue in our next talk elder brahmana son is countering the points which the younger brahmana is making and he after assassinating the character of the younger brahmana now he is challenging the younger brahmana by saying just think do that my father's daughter that is my sister do you think he is qualified to marry my my sister he is trying to draw he doesn't use the word bhagni he has used the word bhagni earlier now he's using pitara kanya his father was a respected elder citizen in the village and they all knew about his elevated status so they was trying to draw on that status and he's saying more pitara kanya that do you think that the daughter of such an exalted person can marry a man like him so he's trying to in this way play on the sectarian prejudices of people and make them biased against this younger brahmana so 63 so the past time of the brahmana is going on over here these are the two brahmanas who have actually committed taking a will arrive at agreement to have their daughter elder brahmana had promised that the younger brahmana would get his daughter in marriage but the older brahmana under pressure of the family members is rescinded from the promise and at that time the younger brahmana is now taken the matter to court he's taken the matter to the court so when he's taken the matter to the court the court was not a formal court in terms of people being there being official judge the court was more a matter of informal assembly of people in that assembly the elder brahmana says that i don't remember and the younger brahmana and the elder brahmana's son says that actually this person has cheated us so he has cheated my father and he's given him intoxication made him mad and stolen all his money so on hearing all this on hearing this people became doubtful he thought it's possible that out of greed for money people will give up dharma bhai fear fear in giving up religious principles normally speaking the highest level of god realizing the highest level of approaching it god is love for god but even before love for god there is a fear of god and fear of god is also healthy so dharma bhai so actually the fear that if i give up my dharma then there will be consequences i should not give up my dharma that is a healthy fear and but unfortunately that fear is given up just as a person may thief may give fear of law because he feels that i can get away without it i'll be able to i'll be able to get away without it and when the person feels like that at that time the person recklessly asks recklessly gives up their violate dharma so the people decided to people started feeling doubt so then this younger brahmana speaks so i'm hearing this the younger vipra said oh mahajanas please hear now we may use the word mahajan in a technical sense to refer to the twelve mahajanas who are talked about in the bhagavatam but that is not the only sense in which the word can be used the word can also be used in a generic sense to refer to anyone who is who is who is a great person it means who is a so mahajan is a general term of address of respect and with that general address of respect what happens so we see the cultured respectful attitude of the younger brahmana and all that is happening over here and as he says he's respecting the address only they're just to get the decision on his side just to win the argument now we may use the word nyaya in a conversational sense so the word nyaya may mean nyaya also means justice but nyaya in the philosophical sense refers to argumentation nyaya is one of the six systems of philosophy and which which focuses a lot on argumentation um making logical arguments and nyaya is generally used also in the sense of arguments so nyaya jinimare here nyaya doesn't mean justice here nyaya means argument so to win jinimare to win an argument kahe asatyavachan he is speaking untrue words asatyavachan so now he has been accused of falsity and it's like a strong character assassination that is being done to the younger brahmana but the younger brahmana is speaking the truth in a very respectful way so 65th verse so this elder brahmana when i served him he became satisfied he became satisfied and when he became satisfied on his own he said that i will give you my daughter in marriage so it was not that i deceived him it was not that i forced him he spoke this on his own and it was not because i gave him any intoxicated or anything like that because he spoke on his own and i said okay there is such a difference in the caste and there is a level of caste and level of so why would he speak such a thing he says he spoke because he was satisfied by my service and that's why he spoke like this so then 66th verse so he says that actually when he himself spoke like this i opposed him he's actually giving a then the brahmana is giving a truthful narrative of what had happened means to forbid something so he says i forbade him and i told him oh greatest among brahmanas best among brahmanas that i am not fit to be a bride for your daughter for to be i'm not eligible to as a husband for your daughter now it is he the younger brahmana is practically taking the wings out of the sail of the elder brahmana son's assault the elder brahmana has criticized saying that do you think this this fellow is qualified to be my sister's husband you know he is like a dwarf desiring to reach the moon he was obviously referring to the fact that younger brahmana was from a relatively lower caste was from a relatively a poorer family so he's saying that yeah am i overstepping he says i myself knew that it is inappropriate and that's why i told him i forbade him i request desisted and i told him to desist from it he says i am not qualified so we see that when we are criticized rather than becoming defensive or aggressive we can focus on being assertive you know that means if we become if we become aggressive that means we want to we attack the character of that other person if you become defensive that means that we feel as if uh we we oh i'm right i'm right i'm right so either reaction is undesirable because in both cases we are driven by too much by emotions we want to prove our rightness and when we are too defensive or we want to prove the other's wrongness when we are too aggressive but rather than doing either of that if we focus on being assertive that means we stay humble but we stick to our stick to the truth and present the truth in a humble objective non-judgmental way so in that way we can make sure that people don't get alienated from us and whatever value judgments that people may have about us the effect of that in the specific judging in judging specific issue that is in front of us that can be minimized so here the younger brahmana doesn't uh he may stays respectful respectful towards the people in general by saying that you are mahajan he says respectful to the elder brahmana by referring to him as vipravar and he is stays he reveals humility by saying that you know i knew that i was not unqualified not qualified so in this way uh by you will see that how he he opens the minds of the people towards him by his very cultured non-aggressive non-defensive behavior we'll.